Tell us a joke Page 183

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 29th October 2016, 8:34 AM

Michael Hutchence seduces some dough. He says, I'll knead you tonight.

Bono has admitted to being a shopaholic. He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

John Lennon was a keen vegetable rights activist as reflected in his anthemic, 'Give Peas a Chance.'

Quote: Nick Nockerty @ 29th October 2016, 12:10 PM

Bono has admitted to being a shopaholic. He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

Bono got lost on the way here. I'm not surprised - the streets have no name.

They're not fussy at my local brothel, they take all comers.

My dog likes to worry bones. He tells them the Spice Girls might be reforming without Mel C.

The cross country runner representing the local sewage plant is well miffed, always finishes turd.

Quote: billwill @ 5th May 2015, 1:25 AM

Erm... not so good because the universe does recycle the atoms making more & more higher-numbered elements with each super-nova explosion at the end of a star's life.

Unfortunately not, the universe will eventually evaporate.

What, like milk?

Quote: Brian Brane @ 4th November 2016, 9:30 PM

Unfortunately not, the universe will eventually evaporate.

Cooo, you commented on a remark I made 18 months or so ago. While that delay is truly less than a flea bite of time in cosmic terms, my original remark is still true; The universe will go through many, many cycles of Star destruction & Star rebirth before the end of time and no-one really knows what might happen then. One theory is that gravity will eventually attract all the atoms back to a single point and cause another big-bang, Another theory being that: that big bang will happen but it is the same big bang that created this universe becausr Time is limited A sort of circle; the end of time is the same point as the beginning of time.

Huh?TearyErrr:S

Time is an illusion.
Lunch time doublly so. [hhgttg]

There is a difference between theory and reality.

Matter will eventually evapourate into energy and disapate, like, well matter.
It's what it does.

I got pains in my chest and stomach ache after last nights curry. I went to the Docs about my dodgy ticker and the 'Taj Mahal' about the dodgy tikka.

***

Lawro's Premier League predictions v X Factor judge Nicole Scherzinger:
Lawro said he'd be quite happy if Nicole was on top..

After the dish ran away with the spoon he then went looking for a fork.

Quote: Brian Brane @ 5th November 2016, 3:24 PM

Time is an illusion.

There is a difference between theory and reality.

Theory : women are equal to men

Reality : women are not equal to men

Feminist theory : this writer is a misogynist!

Reality : the writer has watched the Olympics

Desperately clinging to Feminist Theory : but if women competed against men in the Olympics, sometimes they might win

Reality : and that's comedy folks ....

Quote: Mighty Joe Middle Aged @ 9th November 2016, 3:12 AM

Theory : women are equal to men

Reality : women are not equal to men

Feminist theory : this writer is a misogynist!

Reality : the writer has watched the Olympics

Desperately clinging to Feminist Theory : but if women competed against men in the Olympics, sometimes they might win

Reality : and that's comedy folks ....

Conclusion: men take more steroids than women.

Apparently, some people knit with blunt needles - I can't see the point.

I hate it when people misuse greetings. I mean, HELLO?