Mick Jagger's new kid will be a Temptations fan. Papa was a rolling stone.

If your pyjamas are too tight there may be tears before bedtime..

Logic gives me a boner. Stands to reason.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You can count your friends on the fingers of one hand. Especially if you're Abu Hamza al-Masri.

Quote: george roper @ 19th July 2016, 4:50 PM BST

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

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It's meant to be your own jokes George, not 1970's cabaret jokes.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 19th July 2016, 1:26 PM BST

Logic gives me a boner. Stands to reason.

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8 words. Brilliant.

If there is ever a transgender James Bond (Jemimah Bond) will she be AGENT 000 ?

Barber ran out of scissors. Coulda cut the 'air with a knife.

I read about a central European country being set up in the early Middle Ages when the Pannonian Basin was conquered by semi-nomadic immigrants from the East. It said, Stop it, you're making me Hungary.

I teach, my dad masturbates. Chalk and cheese.

Which song do children with diarrhoea sing?

Skip to my Lou.

Another shit joke..

I wrote a porn piece that was so good I shot my wad. It's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I can recommend the guy who did my circumcision, he was a cut above the rest.

*****

I've only got a bar moustache - I couldn't get a handle on it..

I abide by all grammatical laws. Them's the rules innit.