British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 172

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NateSean

  • Wednesday 8th June 2016, 7:55pm
  • Salem, Massachusetts, United States
  • 218 posts

I finally told my partner about my asphyxiation fetish. He appreciated my honesty, but he didn't get choked up.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 11th June 2016, 5:32pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,942 posts

Stevie Wonder's so talented, he could play piano with his eyes closed.

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gappy

  • Sunday 12th June 2016, 2:45pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,027 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 11th June 2016, 5:32 PM BST

Stevie Wonder's so talented, he could play piano with his eyes closed.

Laughing out loud

And Houdini could do his job with his hands tied behind his back.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 12th June 2016, 4:06pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,942 posts

They say Stephen Hawking's so clever he can pick up anything straightaway. Well I dropped a sheet of paper - f**k all. Duh!

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Yorick

  • Saturday 18th June 2016, 5:28pm
  • Rochester, England
  • 29 posts

Two rival factions of Islam have collaborated to make a recording of an old song.

It's "I Got You, Babe" by Suni and Shia.

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 22nd June 2016, 12:33pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

The worst thing about climbing Mount Everest is how bloody paranoid the sherpas are. Whenever I asked them for directions they muttered "summit up"

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 23rd June 2016, 9:00am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,942 posts

Mark King, his mother and his brother have diarrhea. Runs in the family.

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sootyj

  • Thursday 23rd June 2016, 9:05am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

It sadly also runs in their genes.

Hey the 1929s rang they want my joke back.

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bushbaby

  • Saturday 25th June 2016, 8:52am
  • England
  • 3,500 posts

There's something fishy about Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmon

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billwill

  • Saturday 25th June 2016, 1:35pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,820 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 25th June 2016, 11:28 AM BST

And Leslie Ash.

Nah, she is too wooden

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th June 2016, 8:32am [Edited]
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

There hasn't been this many people leaving a party as quick since Michael Barrymore's pool bash.

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Reg N

  • Monday 27th June 2016, 2:03pm
  • Nottinghamshire, England
  • 359 posts
Quote: Nick81 @ 27th June 2016, 8:32 AM BST

There hasn't been this many people leaving a party as quick since Michael Barrymore's pool bash.

:D

(and good edit, by the way)

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th June 2016, 2:53pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: Reg N @ 27th June 2016, 2:03 PM BST :D

(and good edit, by the way)

Indeed, having pool twice ruined it.