British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 16

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sootyj

  • Sunday 26th January 2014, 6:36pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

The first one is great, it works well because it's so neat and such a sudden change.

Good joke.

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Nigel Kelly

  • Sunday 26th January 2014, 11:06pm
  • Northern Ireland
  • 3,792 posts

What's got 3,428 days?
My prison sentence.

(Sent by an inmate from a maximum high security prison)

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sootyj

  • Sunday 26th January 2014, 11:13pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

My exercise routine crucified me
I was doing Pontius Pilates

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Mr Darkly

  • Sunday 26th January 2014, 11:23pm
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

Some people say they can tell a good looking transvestite by the Adams apple. I can usually tell by the cock between their legs.

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 4:06pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

(In light of the charges against Fred Talbot)

ITV -

Putting Pedophiles on the map.

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sootyj

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 4:11pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

nice one

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 4:38pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

Statistically, 9 out of 10 men will at some point be unlucky in love.

The other one never marry.

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sootyj

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 4:54pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I support gay marriage

Lets see how gay they after 20 years married

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 7:19pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: Nick81 @ 27th January 2014, 4:06 PM GMT

(In light of the charges against Fred Talbot)

ITV -

Putting Pedophiles on the map.


Tonight's weather -

Strong accusations, reaching up to twenty and thirty years in places.

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Mr Darkly

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 8:38pm
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

I've heard the BBC have opened up a new petting zoo. Apparently it's full off dangerous allegations.

David Cameron has employed French Chinese social workers. Le-asian officers.

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Nick81

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 8:46pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: Mr Darkly @ 27th January 2014, 8:38 PM GMT

I've heard the BBC have opened up a new petting zoo. Apparently it's full off dangerous allegations.

David Cameron has employed French Chinese social workers. Le-asian officers.


Like the first one.

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Mr Darkly

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 10:46pm
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

The Lego movie! If I wanted to watch fake plastic actors talking out the sides of their mouths I'd watch the f**kin Oscars!

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JoeB

  • Monday 27th January 2014, 11:16pm
  • Manchester, England
  • 16 posts

I started a combined dental surgery / psychoanalysis centre. It's called Oral Fixation.

My plan to combat global warming by freezing the worlds oceans was apparently too 'radical'. I mean sure, it's polarising.

Surely all printers are 3D printers.

A collection of words joined together for comic effect? You mean an assortmanteau?

Which idiot called it 'Fight Club' instead of 'You're not even my real Brad'?

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Nick81

  • Tuesday 28th January 2014, 8:24pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

Our window cleaner doesn't half do a thorough job.

Twice I've come home in the past month to find him cleaning the inside of our bedroom window, whilst embarrassingly my wife is still in bed.

Watching TV with my wife on Saturday night, I realised the exact moment I didn't want to be with her anymore.

"Those numbers again, in numerical order are 6, 10, 26, 32, 35 and 48."

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sootyj

  • Tuesday 28th January 2014, 8:26pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

The BBC should make the Lego movie
Kids have been saying Lego to their presenters for years.