British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 13

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:41pm [Edited]
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts
Quote: AndyGilder @ 23rd January 2014, 1:39 PM GMT

Chaos at the Parcelforce Christmas party, where an attempt at the Hokey Cokey failed due to everyone apparently being out even when they were in.

Apparently if you lie on your arm until it goes numb and then masturbate, you get thrown out of Bensons for Beds.

Poundland management admit to being threatened by the rise of the 99p store. Finally, the penny has dropped.

Met up with a woman from a dating website for "NSA fun". She spent all afternoon reading my emails and now I can't fly anywhere.

Using anti-ageing cream won't make you any younger, it'll just convince more people that you were actually born yesterday.

Alton Towers announces its summer theme for 2014 will be "Alliteration". All its rides will start with a massive Q.

:D :D :D

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:00pm
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts
Quote: Nick81 @ 23rd January 2014, 10:38 AM GMT

I know it's the authors "fault" for posting the joke in the public domain, but I have seen cases where I have seen a comedian live use a joke I know for 100% fact that another person wrote.

Rant over.


What I don't understand (and I do genuinely wish to find this out) is why telling a good joke you've heard others tell is so wrong? MRS Browns Boys is a very popular show, the few times I've watched it, it uses loads of old jokes, but no one cares.
to give you my example:

I posted on facebook on the 3rd Jan a quick little joke I'd made up whilst looking on Netflix for a film to watch, It was just: I can't find my DVD of "Gone In 60 Seconds" It was right here a minute ago!!!!!!

Now, last week Vic reeves starts a new sit com, its first showing something like 15th Jan, and in his show they do exactly the same joke! now I had nothing to do with it, and im fairly sure the sit com must have been recorded before I came up with it! so I could argue I wrote it, they could argue their show was recorded months ago and we would both be right, but also as that films been out years now, there's a strong possibility its been done before either of us!
My facebook page is just a load of jokes and funny observations, but there not all original, many of them are, but if I see something that makes me laugh I'll post that as well.
So why is everyone on here so down on a "old Joke" I had people on here respond like I'd just pooped in their shoes for posting a joke that someone else once said! (and in this case it was without my knowledge)

your views would be greatly appreciated (although I don't want to distract to much from the jokes being posted hear as I like them!) however at least half my stand up act is good joke ideas that I've heard over the years, translated to fit into my life and if I'm doing something wrong then there's a lot of others out there doing the same thing, but I would like to know why.

actually, my internet is so slow, you have all given very good explanations already and I agree with your points, so thank you to those psychic posters!

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danphobic

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:10pm
  • london, England
  • 224 posts
Quote: AndyGilder @ 23rd January 2014, 1:39 PM GMT

Chaos at the Parcelforce Christmas party, where an attempt at the Hokey Cokey failed due to everyone apparently being out even when they were in.

Apparently if you lie on your arm until it goes numb and then masturbate, you get thrown out of Bensons for Beds.

Poundland management admit to being threatened by the rise of the 99p store. Finally, the penny has dropped.

Met up with a woman from a dating website for "NSA fun". She spent all afternoon reading my emails and now I can't fly anywhere.

Using anti-ageing cream won't make you any younger, it'll just convince more people that you were actually born yesterday.

Alton Towers announces its summer theme for 2014 will be "Alliteration". All its rides will start with a massive Q.


Nice I like the NSA connection.

What did they play after hokey cokey? Pass the parcel?

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:13pm
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts
Quote: NateSean @ 23rd January 2014, 11:54 AM GMT

Here's one I'm trying to write.

My high school used to have it's own daycare center. Then the nurse's office started handing out free condoms and eventually they lost revenue.


How about?
Knowing my high school has a nurse who hands out free condoms, and it's own day care centre, makes me think she's not very good at her job!

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Tony Cowards

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:23pm
  • Wiltshire, England
  • 1,762 posts
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 23rd January 2014, 2:00 PM GMT

What I don't understand (and I do genuinely wish to find this out) is why telling a good joke you've heard others tell is so wrong? MRS Browns Boys is a very popular show, the few times I've watched it, it uses loads of old jokes, but no one cares.
to give you my example:

I posted on facebook on the 3rd Jan a quick little joke I'd made up whilst looking on Netflix for a film to watch, It was just: I can't find my DVD of "Gone In 60 Seconds" It was right here a minute ago!!!!!!

Now, last week Vic reeves starts a new sit com, its first showing something like 15th Jan, and in his show they do exactly the same joke! now I had nothing to do with it, and im fairly sure the sit com must have been recorded before I came up with it! so I could argue I wrote it, they could argue their show was recorded months ago and we would both be right, but also as that films been out years now, there's a strong possibility its been done before either of us!
My facebook page is just a load of jokes and funny observations, but there not all original, many of them are, but if I see something that makes me laugh I'll post that as well.
So why is everyone on here so down on a "old Joke" I had people on here respond like I'd just pooped in their shoes for posting a joke that someone else once said! (and in this case it was without my knowledge)

your views would be greatly appreciated (although I don't want to distract to much from the jokes being posted hear as I like them!) however at least half my stand up act is good joke ideas that I've heard over the years, translated to fit into my life and if I'm doing something wrong then there's a lot of others out there doing the same thing, but I would like to know why.

actually, my internet is so slow, you have all given very good explanations already and I agree with your points, so thank you to those psychic posters!


I would guess it's because some of us make a living from writing jokes so if someone "steals" them then, basically, they are effecting your ability to pay bills, buy food, etc.

Oh and if you are doing other people's jokes, even reworded, on the circuit then you are risking damaging your reputation and possibly limiting your chance of getting bookings.

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Nick81

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:27pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: Tony Cowards @ 23rd January 2014, 2:23 PM GMT

I would guess it's because some of us make a living from writing jokes so if someone "steals" them then, basically, they are effecting your ability to pay bills, buy food, etc.

Oh and if you are doing other people's jokes, even reworded, on the circuit then you are risking damaging your reputation and possibly limiting your chance of getting bookings.


And why would people want to go to gigs were they have heard/read the jokes before?

Do you do stand up funnynotstrange?

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sootyj

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:41pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I am lucky to pretty much only do specific jokes to order.

If someone wants too steal half a dozen gags on underfloor heating or any amusing story about the father of the bride f**king a dog.

And they can make it work on the stage good luck to them.

Quote: AndyGilder @ 23rd January 2014, 1:39 PM GMT

Chaos at the Parcelforce Christmas party, where an attempt at the Hokey Cokey failed due to everyone apparently being out even when they were in.

Apparently if you lie on your arm until it goes numb and then masturbate, you get thrown out of Bensons for Beds.

Poundland management admit to being threatened by the rise of the 99p store. Finally, the penny has dropped.

Met up with a woman from a dating website for "NSA fun". She spent all afternoon reading my emails and now I can't fly anywhere.

Using anti-ageing cream won't make you any younger, it'll just convince more people that you were actually born yesterday.

Alton Towers announces its summer theme for 2014 will be "Alliteration". All its rides will start with a massive Q.


Excellent though the pound store one could be a touch simpler

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Nick81

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:47pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

Every time I play snooker I get a 147.

That's the bus that stops outside the club.

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 2:52pm
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts
Quote: Tony Cowards @ 23rd January 2014, 2:23 PM GMT

I would guess it's because some of us make a living from writing jokes so if someone "steals" them then, basically, they are effecting your ability to pay bills, buy food, etc.

Oh and if you are doing other people's jokes, even reworded, on the circuit then you are risking damaging your reputation and possibly limiting your chance of getting bookings.


Ok I get what your saying, plagiarism is a terrible thing, but to be honest I'm never going to be a "Circuit" stand up, I'm not good enough to even dream this could happen, but I don't see how Its stealing food from others who make a living writing jokes?
you don't sell the same joke over and over, once you have received your payment for it, its written. If I came up with a good joke, as soon as I've said it I know others are going to tell it to their friends, I don't think their steeling food from my mouth?
Even on here, (I don't mean "even" I mean as an example) there have been some good jokes posted that most of the people I would encounter will never hear if I don't use them. so why let a good joke go to waist?

I was just looking at a few of the last few jokes and a great example would be this one:

Quote: AndyGilder @ 23rd January 2014, 1:39 PM GMT

Using anti-ageing cream won't make you any younger, it'll just convince more people that you were actually born yesterday.


now I'm not saying I'd use that joke, but if I did it would be worked into my routine and would probably go something like:

I bought some anti-ageing cream, It was so expensive and worked so well, most of my friends think I was born yesterday!

your comments about why would anyone want to hear jokes they have heard before is assuming every good joke that's told is heard by everyone and that's not the case, my stand up would be a fun open mic night in the local pub, were 99% of the people would not have heard or get the opportunity to hear such good jokes.
So do I really need to stop doing this?

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 3:12pm
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

David Cameron is thinking about charging Nick Clegg, but for now he's left his flaccid/lifeless body on the chair.

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danphobic

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 3:33pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

A few of my jokes I've considered tweeting to my fav comedians. I feel like Milton Jones might appreciate the alpaca one. I realise however that they probably get this constantly all day. Anyone got any experience of this? Is it a completely bellenderish faux pas that will get me prematurely booted out of the warm twiggy worm delivering nest that is twitter? Just saying 'tweet' makes me feel like a bellend.

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Nick81

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 3:38pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 23rd January 2014, 2:52 PM GMT

Ok I get what your saying, plagiarism is a terrible thing, but to be honest I'm never going to be a "Circuit" stand up, I'm not good enough to even dream this could happen, but I don't see how Its stealing food from others who make a living writing jokes?
you don't sell the same joke over and over, once you have received your payment for it, its written. If I came up with a good joke, as soon as I've said it I know others are going to tell it to their friends, I don't think their steeling food from my mouth?
Even on here, (I don't mean "even" I mean as an example) there have been some good jokes posted that most of the people I would encounter will never hear if I don't use them. so why let a good joke go to waist?

I was just looking at a few of the last few jokes and a great example would be this one:

now I'm not saying I'd use that joke, but if I did it would be worked into my routine and would probably go something like:

I bought some anti-ageing cream, It was so expensive and worked so well, most of my friends think I was born yesterday!

your comments about why would anyone want to hear jokes they have heard before is assuming every good joke that's told is heard by everyone and that's not the case, my stand up would be a fun open mic night in the local pub, were 99% of the people would not have heard or get the opportunity to hear such good jokes.
So do I really need to stop doing this?


You're missing the point. We were talking about stand ups who make a regular living getting paid good money stealing jokes and passing them off as their own, not you telling jokes to a few punters down your local.

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playfull

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 3:55pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,856 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 23rd January 2014, 10:54 AM GMT

I was watching the episode of Magnum the other day...


Noticed one or two of your posts start with this phrase...switch the tele off and get writing young man!

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 4:19pm
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts
Quote: Nick81 @ 23rd January 2014, 3:38 PM GMT

You're missing the point. We were talking about stand ups who make a regular living getting paid good money stealing jokes and passing them off as their own, not you telling jokes to a few punters down your local.


thank you, I understand now.

P.S. Your joke about 147 was posted on sickapedia about 40mins ago! and no it wasn't me lol:)

anyway enough about joke stealing and back to the good jokes!

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Nick81

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 4:21pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 23rd January 2014, 4:19 PM GMT

thank you, I understand now.

P.S. Your joke about 147 was posted on sickapedia about 40mins ago! and no it wasn't me lol:)

anyway enough about joke stealing and back to the good jokes!


I know it was, read the author who posted it :)