Quote: sootyj @ 14th December 2013, 8:56 PM GMT

Just dicking around, which I only do with those I enormously respect

Sainsburys have a Christmas cracker compo at the momo

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I know that sootyj, thanks for taking the time to dick around with me.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 14th December 2013, 8:53 PM GMT

If you are not kidding - how do you get them out and back in?

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I bought my Christmas crackers from Lidl, I took the ribbon off at each end and there is a flap in the middle that holds it together undo that and remove the old joke and replace with the new one.

I made the jokes in Microsoft Publisher with a nice little Christmas border around them.

I was thinking about adding a QR code as well, so it can be scanned with a mobile phone and then take you to a video, but maybe I will do that next year.

It has piqued my interest. I'm going to raid the cracker box and try to get one out

Personalized jokes round the Christmas dinner table will be fun.

Where does Father Christmas keep his money? Santander.

nice

Thief! https://twitter.com/swerytd/status/392302770901889024

Dan

Why was the Christmas cracker left in the box? Because the joke inside it said "Pull the other one."

Quote: swerytd @ 16th December 2013, 8:59 PM GMT

Thief! https://twitter.com/swerytd/status/392302770901889024

Dan

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I had that one as well I might have got there before the both of you:

https://twitter.com/carlosmanwelly/status/386077200983662592

And this one:

https://twitter.com/carlosmanwelly/status/386077618107203584

And I'm afraid Swertyd wins for superior use of the comma,

How does Santa always fit in the chimney?
He has claustrophobia and anxiety triggered epilepsy,

oh and congrats to Mikey Jackson lately of this parish for winning the Sainsburys Christmas cracker contest.

How does Santa relax after Christmas?

Answer: Ho, Ho, Ho.

Quote: tinybaubles @ 17th December 2013, 9:26 PM GMT

How does Santa relax after Christmas?

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'Sleighs down

Quote: sootyj @ 17th December 2013, 10:57 AM GMT

oh and congrats to Mikey Jackson lately of this parish for winning the Sainsburys Christmas cracker contest.

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Thanks. There are actually 12 winners. All 12 jokes will appear in special boxes of Sainsbury's crackers... although I'm not sure if they'll be sold commercially or just sent to the winners.

I don't think we had a separate thread for the 2014 competition (which is why I only remembered to see if it was on this year on the afternoon it was due to close) so I'll post here. Apologies if anyone's offended by the thread necromancy, but since it seems to be an annual competition...

The 2014 results have come out. https://www.comedy.co.uk/features/top_10_christmas_cracker_jokes_2014/ http://gold.uktv.co.uk/article/top-10-modern-christmas-cracker-jokes-revealed/

The winner was "What will be missing from Take That's Christmas stocking this year? An Orange." from Lynne Newton (a name I don't recognise from round these parts).

Did any BCGers make the top ten? Or the near misses mentioned?

I'm chuffed that I made the #7 spot.

OK - I've found my trumpet, polished it and now I'm bloody well going to blow it, but I'm genuinely interested if any other BCGers had any success this year. TBH posting about my own success is very un-British, but feels slightly less pathetic than just telling the cats and then doing voices for them congratulating me.

Nice one, yup I'm in at number 6 and 2 of the runners up. The winner is much like one I wrote too but I'll let that go.

Quote: Richard Woolford @ 16th December 2014, 10:40 AM GMT

Nice one, yup I'm in at number 6 and 2 of the runners up. The winner is much like one I wrote too but I'll let that go.

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Very well done, sir!

I wondered who'd got 2 in the list when they tweeted 9 names for the top 10 entries.

I didn't even know it was on
Thanks for the Early heads up.

The winning one is good.