British Comedy Guide

First Stand Up Attempt

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Ashbo

  • Saturday 15th June 2013, 11:36pm
  • Kent, England
  • 4 posts

I'm new to the forum and just reeled off a quick attempt at a small stand up routine and wanted some feedback!Sorry if the language offends :)

I was watching Babestation the other day, those girls are bloody committed. Next time your on the phone to your Nan you try reeling off every position from lovers guide, whilst telling asking her to put her balls in your mouth.
Nightmare it is was I didn't even get past doggie And that's why Dan's now blacklisted off the Christmas card list.

I can't believe some of the things you see advanced these days. I was flicking through the paper and I see these advertised, Shreddies there called .Now these are not what your have with your semi skinned. These are, and I quote now "Flatulence Filtering Underwear and "Every girls dream", well that's a f**king lie if I've ever heard one. Oh no I wasn't interested in flowers and jewellery its when my Dave brought us home a lovely pair of shreddies that I knew he was the one. I could fart me self round shops of a morning. Heaven it was. I even shit myself in the self-service at Asda once, no one knew though because of my shreddies, they're grrrrrrreeeeeaaat. Oh no that's frosties isn't it? And listen to this, Christine Bleakly own's a pair, no wonder Adrian Chiles looked so miserable on the one show, whilst Packham"s wanking off seagulls on Brighton beach she's dropping more bombs than the Luftwaffe.

Holidays I love holidays but what is it with British people thinking they can do whatever the f**k they like when there abroad. If I went into cost cutter in the morning for me milk in a pair of Calvin classics and ray bandy's I'd be in broadmoore by dinnertime. "Yeah but we're on us holidays, yeah fair enough but I want more than a pair of pants separating your pubes from my Hovis 50-50. Another thing I did whilst I was on holiday, nudist beaches. I thought id have a look you know curious and all that. Horrible it was. Its clear that to become a nudist your balls have to be touching the sand whilst you walk or I'm afraid your unqualified. Sunglasses as well. Why wear sunglasses if you're walking around with your knob out.
That I didn't understand your not wearing any clothes but your have sunglasses on. "Yeah but I love my accessories, really why don't your accessorise yourself some new pants because your putting me off my prawn sandwich."Ooh I'm ever so self conscious my eyes look so old". So does your cock! You can't win!

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Julio Lluvia

  • Sunday 16th June 2013, 3:39am
  • London, England
  • 123 posts

I think this should be in critique rather than writer's discussion.

There are some nice bits in here but it is very hard to tell how it flows without hearing it out loud, have you tried recording it and listening to it back?

I was also a bit lost as to whether you are a man or woman as the first paragraph implies that you are a man with the talking about babestation to your nan bit but then you talked about wearing "shreddies".

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Tim Azure

  • Sunday 16th June 2013, 1:18pm
  • Kent, England
  • 2,037 posts

It's impossible to judge how good a stand up you are simply from the script.

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Holders80

  • Wednesday 26th June 2013, 3:00pm
  • Leeds, England
  • 16 posts

I'd say the same, this needs to be heard. And the nudist beach bit doesn't sound right. People wear sunglasses to keep the sun out of their eyes, not just as accessories so that bit doesn't work for me.

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vyabsley

  • Thursday 27th June 2013, 9:16am
  • Northern Ireland
  • 7 posts

With the sunglasses, I think it might be good to take the idea of their choice of nudism to the extreme and be indignant about it - "If you're going to be nudist, you're not allowed to wear ANYTHING. You made your choice."