British Comedy Guide

Waiting (Video)

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Jebsly

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 5:04pm
  • Manchester, England
  • 817 posts

Hello!

It's been a long time since I've visited these boards, but I've been hard at work plying my trade as a writer/director/cameraman, and I thought you all might appreciate this short that we made yesterday.

https://vimeo.com/51509079

Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think :)

Cheers

Chris

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David Bussell

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 5:09pm
  • London, England
  • 9,943 posts

I didn't find the punch worthy enough to justify the protracted set-up. You could trim it to at least half the length and still be able to build up the necessary anticipation.

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Jakob Jensen

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 8:28pm [Edited]
  • Denmark
  • 201 posts

I don't know. The setup portrays emotional loneliness. The punchline suggest sexual loneliness.

Good filming and acting.

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David Bussell

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 8:29pm
  • London, England
  • 9,943 posts
Quote: Funny Johnny @ October 16 2012, 8:28 PM BST

I don't know. The setup portrays emotional loneliness. The punchline suggest sexual loneliness.


There's a difference?

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Jakob Jensen

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 8:55pm [Edited]
  • Denmark
  • 201 posts
Quote: David Bussell @ October 16 2012, 8:29 PM BST

There's a difference?


Nothing a little masturbation won't fix. It have remarkeble healing powers in many areas.

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Jebsly

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 9:22pm
  • Manchester, England
  • 817 posts

Thanks for watching it guys. Really appreciate the feedback.

I toiled over the length for a while, but I personally think the balance is right at the minute between pacing/building atmosphere and not taking too long to get to the point. When I made it shorter (I made a version which had a running time of about 1:30), it felt kind of rushed.

I think part of the problem could be that we're on a comedy board, so you're in the mindset of waiting for the punchline, whereas the point of the film is that it isn't billed as a comedy and the comedy ending is unexpected. Kind of gives the game away before it starts :/

Alas, I hope it can be appreciated for what it is.

Cheers!

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David Bussell

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 9:37pm
  • London, England
  • 9,943 posts

Could be you're right, could be you're too close to it to see it for what it is. As an outsider I'm seeing a bunch of shots there that aren't at all necessary: the pouring of the tea, the kissing of the photo (has anyone ever done that in real life?), the circling of the calendar (again, very heavy-handed). And that's just the shots you can afford to lose - others can certainly be reduced in length without losing any nuance.

I tend to find that with enough distance from the editing process everything ends up looking kind of flabby. I still reckon there's a 1:30 edit of this that will serve you much better.

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Jebsly

  • Tuesday 16th October 2012, 10:00pm
  • Manchester, England
  • 817 posts

Yeah you could be right. I'll give it a few days and then come back to it with fresh eyes and see what I can do.

Thanks!