British Comedy Guide

The Sitcom Trials 2012 Page 20

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swerytd

  • Wednesday 15th August 2012, 3:00pm
  • Guildford, England
  • 7511 posts

No, that's not a problem at all. You'll find it hard to get people to read a sitcom script, though one or two people might comment and that might be useful.

Make sure it's in easy on the eye readable format though, as that would be the deciding factor if people do read it.

Dan

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Kev F

  • Wednesday 15th August 2012, 3:10pm
  • Bristol, England
  • 689 posts
Quote: KC82 @ August 15 2012, 12:50 PM BST

Quick question- is it considered bad form to put part of your script up for critique on these forums before submitting it?

Of course not. The Sitcom Trials is not some formal tournament with rigid rules, it's all about testing out comedy to see if it works or not. So if you want to get opinions on your work, then please do so. That's what will happen when you enter the script and people start reading, reviewing and voting on it anyway, so no harm in getting a bit of that feedback early.

Once you've entered your script in and the deadline's passed, it's usually better if you leave it there and don't try amending it as the votes are coming in as that will be messy and confusing (and you'll find most people are voting on the first draft you uploaded anyway).

The Sitcom Trials is open to scripts that have been seen elsewhere, entered in previous contests etc. This month we're asking for a Halloween theme as that's a good discipline for the writers and makes for a nice promotable show(s).

Kev F

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Joyce

  • Wednesday 15th August 2012, 9:51pm
  • Merton/Kent, England
  • 480 posts

Oh it's so exciting! I can't stop passing out! It's like I...........ooops I went there for a couple of seconds. Anyway...as I was saying.........flippin' 'eck...and again! I suppose I should really........zzzzzzzzzzz

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Mr Ashdown

  • Sunday 19th August 2012, 9:45pm
  • England
  • 124 posts

Yes, about the Halloween theme:

It's very loose, but it's all about the audience. They'll sit and wait and they'll be thinking... "Halloween! I bloody love Halloween"... as they Sky+ their Dario Argento Italian slasher movie seasons, and then the show will start... and we want that Halloween thing, that feeling, to be in the show. A Halloween show. It's a vibe, I think, and a nice one (like Christmas).

So yeah, a Halloween show.

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Joyce

  • Sunday 19th August 2012, 10:50pm
  • Merton/Kent, England
  • 480 posts

Oh...so there might be a Christmas theme to the next sitcom trials then? Like a Christmas special sort of thing? Or am I just making it up now?

The entries I've seen so far have had a spooky feel to them, so I think people are getting into it very well. I expect they'll come pouring in towards the end of next week. It's gathering momentum already!

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Trinder

  • Tuesday 21st August 2012, 7:35pm
  • Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 179 posts

Hi there,
Just added 'Country Rock: Halloween episode.' Would someone mind checking that you can open it please.
Don't trust this new-fangled internet malarkey...just a fad.
Thanks
Neil

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Joyce

  • Tuesday 21st August 2012, 9:45pm
  • Merton/Kent, England
  • 480 posts

Hi...yes, I've opened it and it works fine!

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Kev F

  • Wednesday 22nd August 2012, 10:00am
  • Bristol, England
  • 689 posts

This complaint has appeared on Twitter:

James Smash ‏@jimmy_smash

Not entering the @SitcomTrials competition. Not putting effort into something if they can't be bothered answering my question. Their loss

But I can't find where he's asked his question or what it is. Jimmy, if you're out there, we would be happy to answer your question.

Kev F

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Faldor

  • Saturday 25th August 2012, 1:09am
  • Bristol, England
  • 11 posts

The 'Centipede Human' has been added to the yahoo group written by myself and Shahan Miah. I think it's safe to say that it's a script that could only come from the Sitcom Trials and has been somewhat self generating.

For those that don't know there is a pitching contest at the live shows which are more about putting a pun together then necessarily pitching a funny concept.
Back in March or so I'd taken my girlfriend along to check out this live comedy thingy that I'd read about on this internet thing and there's this quick witted asian man two rows in front putting all my gags to shame.

Shahan pitched "The Centipede Human" as a one liner and won himself the grand prize of a free ticket to the next Sitcom trials in May.
We got talking after the show and decided we'd both have a crack at putting in our own scripts for the next Sitcom Trials. I had a particularly dark piece about a sitcom based in a morgue but he suggested teaming up and actually writing Centipede Human. So we did.
I think we've done a good job at making it be more than the original one note joke it stared as and come up with some interesting characters and it's quite fascinating how a script now exists because I met a stranger at a bar.

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Joyce

  • Saturday 25th August 2012, 9:06am
  • Merton/Kent, England
  • 480 posts
Quote: Faldor @ August 25 2012, 1:09 AM BST

The 'Centipede Human' has been added to the yahoo group written by myself and Shahan Miah. I think it's safe to say that it's a script that could only come from the Sitcom Trials and has been somewhat self generating.

What a great and inspirational story! I've read all the scripts as they've come in and I love them all!! Yes, I know, I'm a sucker for enthusiasm and seeing people make an effort to actually do something with their brain instead of waiting around for someone else to do something...or something like that...or something.

You're lucky to be living nearer the trials. I'm too far away to get there. Jealous!!

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Kev F

  • Sunday 26th August 2012, 9:36am [Edited]
  • Bristol, England
  • 689 posts

Halloween Sitcom Trials: Deadline over, scripts in, let's vote

The deadline has passed for the Halloween Sitcom Trials, the entries are all in, now it is time for all good women & men to read, review and vote on the scripts. You are asked, if you can, to read as many scripts as you can manage, and when you've done so to post a set of Twitter-length reviews and Votes for every script you've read. Vote YES, MAYBE or NO as to whether the script you've read deserves showcasing in the Sitcom Trials stage show.

The scripts are being considered for the Halloween Sitcom Trials taking place in Bristol on Oct 19th and Manchester on Oct 20th. We would like your votes and reviews posted either to the SitsVac forum or the British Comedy Guide forum (HERE) by midnight Saturday Sept 1st (in order that the Bristol team can select scripts for a Sept 2nd meeting). There may be time for a further round of voting after this date, but the 1st Sept cut-off date will affect the first scripts to be selected for performance.

The scripts in contention can be found in the Sits Vac Halloween files here, and are:

'Who judges the judges' by Elliot 'Jay'Stewart..pdf
13 GORMLEY STREET.pdf
A Womb With A View To A Kill - Andrew Blair - ST.pdf
Blackstable.pdf
Cafe Rico Halloween.pdf
Country Rock- Halloween Special.pdf
Draszic's Lot - Halloween ST.pdf
Enter Twineman by Robin Wiggs (Halloween Sitcom Trials).pdf
femme_fatale.pdf
Friends Like These (Halloween Sitcom Trials).pdf
Istanbul - 'Twilight of the Bone Idle'.pdf
Kill Bob.pdf
Purgatory--LostSouls.pdf
Randolph Carter's Casebook- The Shadow Out of Outsmouth.pdf
Red Sky at Night - Halloween Episode.pdf
ROY_RICHARDS_LETHAL_GARDENER_by_McHaleHendricksCarney.pdf
Separate Parents-Halloween.pdf
Storm in a Tea Cup ....pdf
The Brides of Pete-enstein - SitsVac Halloween 2012 entry.pdf
The Centipede Human by Shahan Miah and Martin Lejeune.pdf
The Ghost Partner by Emma Roy- Williams.docx
The Lord Mayor - Trick but no Treat.pdf
The Scare Room (Halloween Sitcom Trials).pdf
The Witching Hour - SitsVac Halloween 2012 entry.pdf
Three Ex Husbands and a Vicar.pdf
THREE_IN_TOW_by_EOIN_CARNEY_HalloweenSitcomTrialsPilot_v1p0.pdf
trick or treat.pdf
What was that.pdf

That's 28 entries, a very healthy turnout for a themed show, and quite the challenge for any budding script readers. Let's see who can get them all read in the first week of voting. Bring it on.

Kev F Sutherland
Creator & Executive Producer
The Sitcom Trials

Facebook
SitsVac Forum - vote here
BCG Forum - or vote here

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Mick G

  • Sunday 26th August 2012, 12:02pm
  • England
  • 1 posts

How do I submit a script for the next competition? I tried logging into SitsVac at 11.30 last night...

Any help you could give me?

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Kev F

  • Sunday 26th August 2012, 6:01pm
  • Bristol, England
  • 689 posts
Quote: Mick G @ August 26 2012, 12:02 PM BST

How do I submit a script for the next competition? I tried logging into SitsVac at 11.30 last night...

Any help you could give me?

If you're REEEEEALLY quick, try uploading it now. I won't tell anyone.

Kev F

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Trinder

  • Monday 27th August 2012, 4:27pm
  • Brighton, United Kingdom
  • 179 posts

Okay, spent some time with this and even when I've given a 'No,' I've tried to as positive and helpful as possible.
Good luck to everyone
Neil

Three Ex Husbands and a Vicar - It's well written with a solid plot. The dialogue is good. The characters could be a bit better defined, particularly Mike who comes over as a little bland. I personally don't enjoy the gross-out nature of things but that's just my preference rather than a reflection of the quality of the script. I think that the main problem is that I didn't believe the relationship between Mike and his Mum, I think you need to justify why Mike would tolerate such behaviour because it seems way off character - Maybe

WHO JUDGES THE JUDGES? - The two characters are very, very similar. Very little happens. I know it's difficult because the restrictions of the competition but there needs to be more action. There are some good jokes in here 'What's the meta with you' made me laugh. Unfortunately, by it's nature, it's too self-involved. It raises a smile with me, because I've spent the last year going in for sit-com comps with various degrees of success, but there's a very limited audience for this. - No

THE BRIDES OF PETE-ENSTEIN - I'm torn here. It's a really cliched set up. Girls get together with dumped friend to get drunk, no thank you. The characters aren't particularly well defined. BUT! The plot rattles along and it's got some really, really funny bits and pieces. The bit at the end where the girls try and turn Pete off is inspired ("Men find that really vulgar"). Tighten up the characters of the girls and you're on to something. - Yes

Friends Like These - There is no definition of chracters. All of the friends are interchangable and seem to exist to say funny lines at each other. I'm also not sure what the sitcom is about, will it be about the friends and their social get-togethers, if it his whatch the amount they drink. Drunks are boring. There is some funny stuff in here, so you're off on the right track but you need to create some characters, then put them in this situation and have them react to it based on character - No

ENTER TWINEMAN - Well, you've got too many characters so I'm not sure if they'd put this on. Solid stuff though, good characters, nice ideas. Plot's a bit slight and it takes a while to get going. I think the cleaner could be a bit more worldly wise though and zen, would make him going off to play Yahtsee funnier. MAYBE

THE CENTIPEDE HUMAN - I'm not sure what a Centipede human looks like. Is it something that can be staged? It might be the fact that I didn't understand what a centipede human is that I found it very difficult to understand what was going on with the piece, and I'm afraid I didn't find it funny. You also kill the main charactger, so where is the sitcom? - NO

COUNTRY ROCK: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Mine - YES

WHAT WAS THAT? - Really like the title. Great title for Halloween ep. This is difficult. You've got a well defined chracter in Davinia which is good, but I don't like her. I don't really enjoy gross-out, fart humour. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, just doesn't float my boat. So, I think there probably is something here for a lot of people, but not for me. - MAYBE

TRICK OR TREAT - Some really nice dialogue with some decent characters. Could do with more big laugh moments. Not sure I get the premise of the piece though, is it just a Mother and son live together with hilarious consequences. Nothing wrong with that, but I'd punch up the characters a bit more if it is. Plot feels a little light too. - MAYBE

A WOMB WITH A VIEW - Mental. There are some good lines in here, but this is a sketch. Some judicious editing and it's actually a pretty good sketch, you've good mad people bouncing funny/daft lines off each other. But, I don't think it's a sitcom, you've got no characters, just two people saying funny lines to each other, there's no comedy coming out of character or situation. - NO

Café Rico - Decent enough setting that could go places. but I didn't really get a feel for the cafe, is it a big Starbucks affair? Is it a little artsy-fartsy place. The two girls seemed interchangeable so I think you need to work on characterisation. IT's actually a decent little halloween story so well done for that. There's some good humour in here too. I wasn't convinced by the dialogue though, it sounded very laboured and unnatural in places - "Is the shop not busy?" sounds really odd, should be "Isn't the shop busy?" or "Shop not busy?" - MAYBE

THE WITCHING HOUR - Nice one. Funny, characters seem to make sense, I got a bit confused at points but suspect that's me being dense rather than any script problems in this case. Is it a sitcom though? What's the sit? Are Claire and Velvet the main characters? - YES

13 GORMLEY STREET - It's okay. I'm not bowled over. I'm not seeing a lot of character development but there are some funny bits. Again though, where's the sitcom. Is the sitcom about a middle aged, middle class couple? Because that's a bit lame. You've got some decent dialogue in here though - MAYBE

BLACKSTABLE: HALLOWEEN - I like this. Feels fresh. Funny characters. Nice situation, never seen anything like this before so that in itself is impressive. Didn't laugh enough though so I think you need to punch up the dialogue a bit. - YES

Draszic’s Lot - Good premise. I like Draszic as a character and there's plenty of funny stuff afoot. If gets a bit confused in places and the two women seem quite similar to me. Too maynt, props, scenes, and characters for the rules in this trials though, but that's their problem, I'm just reading things and I like this one - YES

FEMME FATALE - Okay, decent enough idea, a bit mad in a good way. I think you could make more of LAPIERRE, he's just coming over as a bit grumpy at the moment but an old, war-embittered, foul-mouthed, prejudiced old French man is a fun prospect. Plot rattles along nicely but I did fin parts confusing...the stuff about being randy I read a couple of times but still can't quite get a handle on - MAYBE

TWILIGHT OF THE BONE IDLE - Yeah, an embittered reference to sitcom trials on the first page is definitely the way to win people over. As previously, I really like the idea of the skull being a character, it just amuses me. How is a 'spiritual self' represented onstage? There's some decent funny stuff in here, and some pretty good characterisation, but there's not really a lot going on and I can't get past how you'd do it onstage. It's nearer a YES than a NO (and it would be a nearer still if it didn't have the trials ref) - MAYBE

KILL BOB - Smart premise. Some nice dialogue. But go to town a bit with the characters. At the moment, they're a bit bland. You could absolutely go to town with God as some overly-jolly, party happy halloween nut...or make him a massive depressive who hates Halloween...just go a bit more mad with it. - MAYBE

PURGATORY - Nice setting, and nice premise for an episode. A self-help group in purgatory is great. I'd spend a lot more time with the group than the initial set up...in fact, I'd probably bin the set up bit with Adam. The group is where the fun happens. I think you could do more with the characters though. You're in purgatory so you've got a huge mix of people to pick from and throw together without having to contrive anything. Have a Texas baptist fire and brimstone priest, salty sea dog, a Parisian drug adict and a member of the Chinese Government...well, not those exactly but you could do so much more with this. - MAYBE

Randolph Carter’s Casebook: The Shadow Out of Outsmouth - This is fine. The plucky helper girl being the brains of the operation thing is a bit cliched but at least she has some flaws. There is too much reliance on anachonisms for gags though. Lose them and you're probably on to something - MAYBE

Red Sky at Night - Halloween Episode - Good stuff. Funny, although the dialogue is a ropey at times (the seven dwarves joke, it's great but it needs some more elegant phrasing). You could use a touch more refining of the characters but they seem suitably distinct in the main. - YES

Separate Parents - "Is that what you’re wearing? Seems a bit vomity" One of my favourite lines I've read today. Nice premise. Characters a bit samey. V. funny though, and nice halloweeny plot. - YES

SHEEPSBERE BAY - Good one. Funny and sillier than most, which is a good thing. A lot to be said for a silly sitcom. Maybe a bit static to begin with, but that's the worst I can think of to say about it - YES

ROY RICHARDS: LETHAL GARDENER - It's too one-off. Unless the premise of the sitcom is that the gardener lives with a couple but doesn't do any work, then where does this go. It's well written, and there's some nice dialogue, but I didn't find it funny enough. - No

The Ghost Partner - You've got an ear for how people speak so you're off and running there but this needs work. It's a decent idea, and I'd say a wife and ghostly husband trying to function together is a fine basis for a sitcom. Problem is though, it's almost all monologue. It's a story being told that should be shown. If I was you, Id' read a few sitcom scripts and get an idea of how they work. You won't see these big chunks of monolgue, people introducing themselves or explaining how they met 30 years ago. It's a sitcom, you need to come in quick with recognisable characters doing funny things in a funny situation - No

The Lord Mayor - Trick but no Treat - Very hard to follow what's going on here. You need to sort out spelling and grammar, I normally couldn't care less. But it made this sometimes quite difficult to read. I think you need to work out your characters a bit more, I couldn't tell who was doing what for what motivation. The Lord Mayor is a good idea, maybe work a simple plot out with him and the assistant and try and define them a bit better - No

The Scare Room - Okay, you can't just call them FM1 and FM2 and not say whether they're man or woman. You have to have characters, with names, with traits that people can relate to. As this stands, there is some fun lines in here but I don't know or care about the people speaking the lines, they're just random voices. - No

THREE IN TOW - Not bad at all, funny stuff. Different characters, some nice ideas. A bit confusing and I can't claim to have followed it the whole way through, but I think that's me rather than the script - Yes

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RedZed333

  • Monday 27th August 2012, 11:31pm
  • Santa's Workshop, Christmas Island
  • 642 posts
Quote: Kev F @ August 26 2012, 6:01 PM BST

If you're REEEEEALLY quick, try uploading it now. I won't tell anyone.

Kev F

Oi, I saw that...

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