The Sitcom Trials 2012 Page 12

Image

Eurovision Sitcom Contest, the voting begins...

Quote: Garry Lee @ May 6 2012, 9:22 PM BST

Kev, I just converted all of the above, and e-mailed the .doc versions to you at your virgin e-mail address.

That's marvellous Garry. Could you post them up to the files too? That way other people can open them too who might not be able to.

Vote now in the Eurovision Sitcom Contest script selection

Kev F

Good luck everyone.

Quote: Kev F @ May 6 2012, 10:24 PM BST

That's marvellous Garry. Could you post them up to the files too? That way other people can open them too who might not be able to.

Done.

I hope everyone's spending a bit of their Bank Holiday weekend reading and reviewing the scripts in the Eurovision Sitcom Contest. I've got through half a dozen so far and have already given two YES votes.

Get thee down to the files and read as many as you can. I shan't be posting my votes until we've seen a good few votes either here on the BCG Forum or over on the Sits Vac forum (as I realise my votes, as producer, will this time be seen to have an overdue influence, so maybe I'll even leave announcing my votes till the very last moment). Bring on those votes, I look forward to reading them.

Remember this chance to peer-review your fellow writers' sitcom scripts is a unique opportunity and... wait a minute!!

Amazon to start making sitcoms - "Writers also have the option to submit scripts for public review, so other website users can made comments and revisions to make the sitcom a more collaborative project".

Oh well, I guess it is the sincerest form of flattery.

Quote: Kev F @ May 6 2012, 8:58 PM BST

files I can't open are:
A Long Way To Azerbaijan
Sing Your Life
The Eurovision Boycott
Think Tank

Thanks chaps, I can now open the re-uploaded version of all four of these scripts, as can other troubled mac-users.

Image

Spoiler Alert!

Would be good too if reviews could not give too much away about outcomes and details of plot twists for those who haven't read the scripts yet. :-)

Cheers

Alan

Well, I've read all the scripts in contention for Eurovision, and my scores are:
YES - 4
MAYBE - 6
NO - 10

As for which scripts get what, I'm not posting my reviews up until you've all piled in with yours, so as not to influence things. Ooh, I can't wait to see what everyone thinks.

And despite the rather dour balance of my No votes to Yesses, I did actually find the general quality of entries quite high. Congratulations to all the authors who've risen to my contrived and infuriating brief of Eurovision with specially written original scripts, and also to those who've thrown a passing mention of Eurovision into an otherwise unconnected script. Both methods have proven equally fruitful in my judgement, what does anyone else think?

Deadline for votes is midnight Saturday.

Kev F

Quote: Kev F @ May 8 2012, 11:08 PM BST

Well, I've read all the scripts in contention for Eurovision, and my scores are:
YES - 4
MAYBE - 6
NO - 10

Doesn't that mean you've missed out two scripts? There were 22.

I ended up with:

YES - 3
MAYBE - 8
NO - 11

Disappointed that Kev didn't specially utilise a Eurovision voting system for this particular Sitcom Trials run!

Also, can I suggest a two-week window for voting next time? This was quite a struggle to read all of them and, with having day jobs and such, I think we'd all appreciate a little more time to read and review.

At the risk of offending everyone, here are the results from the Guildford jury:

OUTGOINGS -- Mine, so YES.

ROGUE STATE -- *SPOILERS* There is great potential in this idea, I thought. Characterisation very good and the concept of a woman's group being immediately turned on its head (and the possibility of her being an illegal immigrant, despite being the first citizen is utterly superb). Would be interested in reading more as they deal with issues such as tax, immigration, etc. It's well-written and quite funny. However, feels a bit static and it is one long scene, so could do with being more 'sitcom-y'. YES from me though.

SING YOUR LIFE -- Some very long paragraphs in this that need breaking up. Characters come across as quite samey and there's a lot of sitting around talking about what happened, rather than showing us. Not much plot happening nor funny enough for me personally. NO.

THE EUROVISION BOYCOTT -- Characterisation is okay but needs a bit more work to differentiate the characters. Feels like a good set-up but I don't think this story does it justice and maybe other plots would work better. That said, it does have a clearly defined plot but would like to have seen more happening in the second half. Seemed to be a lot of explanation going on throughout and it didn't tickle my ribs, I'm afraid. NO.

THE PEOPLE'S FLAG -- Says it's a sketch at the top, feels like a sketch when you're reading. Not a sitcom at all. Characters aren't distinctive enough, especially the judges who might as well be a single judge. Also seems to keep making the same point over and over again. In fairness, I'm not really into the socio-political vibe that seems to be going on, though I would have liked to have laughed a few times and I didn't. NO.

THINK TANK -- There was a lot of explain-y stuff going on that wasn't very funny I didn't think and it was one long scene without any real plot. The laughs were few and far between for me. The punctuation made this very difficult to read, which didn't endear me to the piece to be honest. I did quite like their way of writing a Eurovision song; there is certainly a funny sketch in that. Not for me, NO.

MAKE-UP DAVE -- I like the introduction of Dave and the very first line of the piece is funny. Some good gags throughout and it is pretty funny. Felt very first episode-y (which it didn't deny being to be fair) but that meant there was a lot of character intro exposition that I could've done without, as well as all the stuff that happened to make him a make-up artist/talking about the past in leiu of concentrating on the plot. Then the plot doesn't so much unravel and is force fed to us with a spoon. Heinous 'would of' error committed on page 3. NO.

A LONG WAY TO AZERBAIJAN -- The Union Jack get-up is a bit ambitious for a staged reading, I thought. The 'f**kers' line was superb. But the whole thing was just one big, long scene and there's no sitcom plot, journey or resolution. Two main characters were kind of okay (if a little similar to each other) but the other two were non-events. Which actors would want to play them? Probably no-one. NO from me.

A THONG FOR EUROPE -- Too much people sat around talking in the first scene. Lots of talking about what happened, instead of showing it. Far too much 'banter' and characters that all sound the same to me. Not nearly enough funny either. NO.

A WEEKEND WITH WOGAN -- There is a plot to start with, but it's moving at a snail's pace. But then, listing the things we know about Belarus is not really a plot, and it would have been nicer to see them practicing the potato dance and singing rather than the continuation of just one long scene. Not much differentiation between characters and I didn't laugh all that much. NO.

ALL THE FUN OF THE FAIR -- Characters all have the same voice, so could do with a bit of work differentiating them. Why does Bozo not know where they are going, then they thank him for ordering tickets? Bit confusing there. Still, has a plot and gets on with it. Could be funnier but it's okay. YES.

ART FOR ART SAKE -- One of the better-written entries as it was well-paced, changed scenes now and again and had a plot. Characters were distinct and, though it could have had more laughs, it's still a YES from me.

THE AUDITION -- Bonus points for this one getting on with the story and not introducing the characters. Decent characters, funny, solid plot, though it did feel like a one-off rather than a series. Still, one of the better ones this time around. YES.

BAND ON THE RUN -- Couldn't tell the difference between the characters; all sounded the same. Too much meaningless banter, without anything actually happening. A few good gags (specifically call-backs) that I found funny, but there's a lot of 'on the nose' dialogue and exposition that was a bit irritating. Wanted it to get to the point a lot quicker. Not for me, NO.

CHECKING OUT -- I quite liked this one. I wish it wasn't the first episode and something more was happening and it could have had more gags but it was interesting, the characters are quite well-defined and it had a plot of sorts. Long paragraphs at points that need breaking up with gags but YES from me.

COOPER -- This was very funny. I liked it a lot. It's not really sitcom per se, until (SPOILER ALERT!) the thing happens and even afterwards; but the characters are good, the dialogue zips along and it's entertaining and never boring. Douze points. YES.

DOODLEBUGS -- I'm not sure I 'get' this properly. The relevance of the 40s obsession confused me. The characterisation is good though; they are distinct enough from each other but it does need more gags. There's not really a strong enough plot in my opinion. Which all adds up to a MAYBE.

EUROMURDER -- Nothing happening for ages; people sat talking about what happened rather than showing us what happened, even when the thing happened. Quite funny in places but the characters were pretty indistinct and, to be perfectly honest, I lost interest. Not for me, NO.

LABASCI WASHINGTON -- This feels like half a sitcom to me, with the second half missing completely. It's a bit more surreal, which is nice, but the explanations at the top need to come out in the dialogue, otherwise the audience is completely in the dark as to what's going on. A few good jokes but still feels like it needs a major rewrite. If it had an ending, I'd be tempted to say yes, but as it stands MAYBE.

LINDA -- The writing's decent and there is differentiation between characters which is nice to see. There are a few laughs along the way which is also good. However, it's just one big long scene and the plot didn't interest me; I think there's scope for a much more interesting story here. The cliffhanger's not particularly gripping either, so it's a MAYBE.

MEAT -- *SPOILER IN HERE* -- This is not bad, though I can't help thinking it would work better if the German guy is having the conversation immediately when we join them and the girl comes in during that scene, rather than having (effectively) two separate scenes for them. We find everything out that we need to know from their conversation, so don't really need to go through it earlier. A bit of jeopardy wouldn't go amiss either (ie Markus comes in whilst Stephen's new sausage is going completely tits-up and he's in crisis). The weiner stuff is way too contrived. Characters not bad though, but the humour's not particularly my taste, so MAYBE.

MOONSTRICKEN -- This is an odd one. There are proper scenes that helped it flow properly and a couple of awesome bits (playing the tape, great character turning up and how he came across, name of the band) that made me laugh a lot, but the whole thing had an awful lot of banter that it didn't need. Dave and Simon didn't feel distinct enough for me, but if you get rid of the bantering and get on with it, it's a fairly decent sitcom. Not utterly awesome so MAYBE.

So, from me:
7 YES
5 MAYBE
10 NO
which adds up to 22. Score!

Dan

Hi Dan,

Mine was 'All the Fun of the Fair'. The reason Bozo asked them where they were going was that he just forgot - would have ordered the tickets a week or so previously (and he's not the brightest as the script hints at). Interesting comments though.

Really enjoyed reading yours by the way.

Alan

Cheers Alan. Appreciate it.

Dan

Hello London...the scores from the Brighton Jury is as follows

Makeup Dave - I like the character of Dave but I'm not convinced he's strong enough to lead a sitcom, I'd use him as a bit part somewhere else though. Watch your spelling/grammar, some of this was difficult to read. There is some funny stuff here, but the story's all over the place and I'm not sure it makes sense. NO [-1]

A Long Way to Azerbaijan - I don't think this works, the ides is fine for a sketch but there's not enough here for a sitcom. NO - [-1]

THONG FOR EUROPE - Sorry, didn't really find this funny. NO [-1]

A WEEKEND WITH WOGAN - I wasn't sure but you had me with swanny kazoo. I suspect the one thing I'm going to ponder throughout this proces is why there hasn't ever been a decent sitcom about a band. Seems ripe for it. YES [2]

All the Fun of the Fair - Still think this is a good setting for a sitcom. Made me laugh. YES [2]

ART FOR ART SAKE - Sorry, a bit one-note for me, and I'm losing patience with the slapper character (used it before myself and cringe about it). NO [-1]

THE AUDITION - Quite liked the different people doing the noodles in a bun bit but I'm afraid the rest didn't really make me laugh. No [-1]

BAND ON THE RUN - EUROVISION - Each of the characters seemed very samey, I think you'd need to punch up the differences. But dialogue was pretty good and there were a few laughs. MAYBE [1]

CHECKING OUT - Too much euphamisms for suicide humour and probably too dark an idea for a sitcom. Alright though, some decent enough laughs. MAYBE [1]

Cooper: Introduction (Eurovision remix) - F**king marvelous! Yeah, this was mine. If you're reading this and haven't given yourself 2 points. Go back and give yourself 2 points...then give me 2 points. YES [2]

Doodlebugs - 'Less interruptions and a better average hairstyle' is nice. It's a good script with good characters. Don't like the premise very much. So, No for the 'sit', yes to the 'com.' MAYBE [1]

THERE'S BEEN A MURDER - I think the problem here is that they don't sound like women, I don't believe that these are women. I think you'd be way better off doing this with two male characters. NO [-1]

LABASCI WASHINGTON - I couldn't really follow what was going on here. A few good lines (the European state of Europe) but not funny enough for me. NO [-1]

LINDA - Like this.the LIN-DA joke is a belter. The boorish boss/plucky female employee is a bit familiar though. YES [2]

Meat - Distinct characters, a strong premise. The dialogue is weak though I'm afraid, and it's not funny enough for me. NO [-1]

Moonstricken - Quite liked this. Very much like Bobby G as grizzled veteran. Get Nick Nolte to play him! I did find it a little course though, and I'm not particularly comfortable with mental illness as basis for comedy. Made me laugh though. YES [2]

Rogue State - Good potential. Good idea. Some good stuff, but could be funnier. MAYBE [1]

Sing your life - Found it a bit confusing, but it was okay enough and there was a few laughs. MAYBE [1]

OUTGOINGS - Great idea for sitcom. Not sure about this script though. Some good lines in there but the dialogue felt very contrived at times. MAYBE [1]

The Eurovision Boycott - Fine. Could be funnier, but some good lines and a nice convoluted plot. wish I could do plot better. MAYBE [1]

THE PEOPLE'S FLAG - What the? Sorry. Went way over my head. NO [-1]

Think Tank - I'm not sure this works. I couldn't get a feel for the characters and there didn't seem to be enough funny going on. NO [-1]

Quote: swerytd @ May 10 2012, 8:06 AM BST

Disappointed that Kev didn't specially utilise a Eurovision voting system for this particular Sitcom Trials run!

Damn, why didn't I think of that? If you like you can give all the positive votes to either your neighbouring country or someone you had a war with twenty years ago that you still feel really guilty about. And no votes to any British scripts, obviously.

It would be fascinating to see how the 12 votes, 10, 8 etc system would have worked for this. My bet is it would have produced an almost dead heat.

Thanks for the votes folks, keep bringing them on. I look forward to counting them. (And bringing news of the Manchester Sitcom Trials very shortly).

Kev F

I see from the Sits Vac newsletter that many of you will be aware that The Sitcom Mission will be holding a scratch night on June 20th.

We've never done a scratch night before, but we're sticking to many of the things that make us different from The Sitcom Trials (15 minute scripts with no cliffhanger for example).

So before sending us a script please have a look at our guidelines: https://www.comedy.co.uk/sitcom_mission/guidelines/

Simon

Quote: simon wright @ May 11 2012, 4:37 PM BST

I see from the Sits Vac newsletter that many of you will be aware that The Sitcom Mission will be holding a scratch night on June 20th.

We've never done a scratch night before, but we're sticking to many of the things that make us different from The Sitcom Trials (15 minute scripts with no cliffhanger for example).

So before sending us a script please have a look at our guidelines: https://www.comedy.co.uk/sitcom_mission/guidelines/

Simon

Hope you don't mind me spreading the word Si. I know there are lots of writers waiting for such an opportunity, and I think the Sitcom Mission keeping the kettle boiling after the big shows like this is a very good thing.

But yes, everybody, read the guidelines. You're playing with the big boys now.

Kev F

I love adding up the votes for the Sitcom Trials script selection. I've added up all the votes cast so far and, in all honesty, it's all to play for.

Having totted up the votes from GarryJLee, JohnHolt, SteveTracey, Simon Brandon, Eoin Carney, Elliot Stewart, Eleanor Green, Jennie Stephenson, Dan Sweryt & Trinder we have three scripts in the lead with +10 points, and two at the bottom of the table with -7 points, but every vote makes a difference so keep them coming.

The votes are as varied as always, for example one script has an equal number of Maybes and Nos, so lingers mid-table on 0, as does another with a mix of Yesses, Maybes and Nos, all of which cancel each other out. So far. It would just take 5 Yes votes for any script in the table to rise to the top (okay, a couple of scripts would need 8 or 9 Yes votes from where they stand at the moment, but nothing's impossible).

I'm away at a gig tonight and I really don't want my votes to influence any of the others that still have to come in, so I'll be posting mine along with the final totals tomorrow morning. (And because I'll be driving home in the morning, it might be midday before you see them all. A hint there that, anyone who can't get all their votes in before the midnight deadline might have a couple more hours reading time to play with).

Thanks to everyone who's joined in with this process so far.

Kev F Sutherland
Creator & Producer
The Sitcom Trials

Read the scripts in the files, post votes here on the forum.