Quote: JoLaw @ May 16 2011, 12:18 AM BST
I find it hard to put my feelings into words, so I'm going to use an example (not of rape, don't worry!) with some friends of mine.
I've got a lot of young, male friends (that makes me sound much cooler than I am) and when they're all together they make sick jokes. Like quoting one of Jimmy Carr's "tears are the best lubricant....I'm kidding, it's blood.", and "9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape", stuff like that.
Because I'm the girl, I tend to have more serious conversations with them that they don't have with each other. One of them, we'll call him Friend A, because if I called him a c**t it might offend people, once bitched about a mutual friend of ours who was dancing with a guy in a nightclub. He went on to say 'if she got raped later on, it would have been her fault.' I questioned him on it, and he went on to say that apart from the odd psycho, most women are in some way to blame for their own rape.
I mentioned that conversation to another one of them, who for the sake of logic I'll call Friend B. He just went quiet for a bit, and then said 'what a prick', and you could tell he was genuinely shocked. They'd been laughing at the same jokes, but had no idea of how different their attitudes were. Friend A was having his beliefs validated by their seemingly shared values.
One of the worst rape jokes I've ever heard was by Russell Howard. He described something as 'being as useless as Anne Widdecombe's rape alarm'. A lazy reference, and one that implies rape is about just wanting to have sex with somebody, not a violent act that's about abuse, power, control and violating and destroying another person.
People, including comedians, have a right to talk about what they want, I agree with that. However, they also have a duty to not be a complete dick. I have the right to stick to my opinion that Russell Howard is a dick for that joke.
Humour has power. It's a popular defence mechanism, and it can trivialise situations. Perhaps some things shouldn't be trivialised? Not when there are people like Friend A in the world, and he's not that rare.
Wow, you come cross as quite the misandrist. So one of your male friends made an off the cuff jealous remark and he's a c**t and a would be rapist, and all your other male friends are rape facilitators, I dread to think how you talk about males who aren't your friends.
Once again there's no evidence that these jokes have informed friend A's opinions in any way, none of the mentioned rape jokes suggested women who dance with men, or otherwise act provocatively deserve to be raped. I hope Friend A see's this thread and realises you were talking about him.
As for murder, nevermind it being trivialised, it's romanticised. Maybe that's what you should be worrying about, but then again, maybe it's harder to attack men when talking about murder than it is when talking about rape.