British Comedy Guide

Job Centre script (what I've done so far).

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Baz Magnum

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 10:04am
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

This is a section of my mockumentary style script set in the fictional midland town of sunnyside (untitled).

EXT. THE JOB CENTRE MANAGER IAN MORGAN GETS OUT OF HIS CAR TO OPEN THE CENTRE. WALKING TOWARDS THE FRONT DOORS ALL CONFIDENT WITH A SPRING IN HIS STEP.
VOICEOVER
Ian, the centre manager is here to open up as he does everyday.

IAN
I'm always here first, ya know being the manager. (Acting cocky in front of the camera).

INT. INSIDE THERE APPEARS TO BE A RED HAIRED WOMAN ABOUT 60 RUSHING AROUND TIDYING A PARTICULAR DESK, THIS DESK IS IAN'S.
IAN (CONT'D)
Hi Maureen!
MAUREEN APPEARS TO IGNORE IAN.
IAN (CONT'D)
She's deaf ya know! (Whispers looking at camera).
MAUREEN
You what! (Angrily)
IAN LOOKS EMBARRASSED.
THERE'S A SLIGHT NOISE LIKE A BIN BEING KNOCKED OVER, MAUREEN AND IAN LOOK OVER TO SEE THE SECURITY GUARD COMING OUT OF A DOOR LOOKING UNKEMPT.
IAN
Clive!, Did you get here before me as well?
CLIVE
(Looks tired) Yeah I did.
IAN
And where did you stay?
CLIVE
The toilet!.
IAN LOOKS AT CLIVE IN ASTONISHMENT.
IAN
(Looks around at everyone) Come on people we've only got a few seconds really before the Wilderbeast arrive (Referring to the jobless).
THE DOORS OPENS AND ONE MAN WALKS IN SLOW WITH LONG BROWN HAIR AND GLASSES WEARING AN ARMY JACKET (DEAN).
MAUREEN
Can I help you Sir?
DEAN
Got any jobs?
MAUREEN
Well yes sir, can I have your name please?
DEAN
(Looking straight at Maureen sort of cock eyed and with mouth open slightly). Job!
MAUREEN
Yes sir!, Can I have your name please?
VOICEOVER
Maureen is having trouble with a client, so calls the manager over to help.
MAUREEN
(Calls manager over). Ian!, We have a problem here.
IAN WALKS TOWARDS MAUREEN WHO SEEMS TO BE GETTING STRESSED.
IAN
Yes Dean take a seat and we will see you shortly.
HE THEN POINTS DEAN TO THE SEATING AREA, AND LOOKS AT MAUREEN AND MAKES A GESTURE TO IMPLY THAT DEAN IS STUPID (MOVING FINGER AROUND HEAD).
IAN (CONT'D)
(Snaps at Maureen) Next time just tell him to sit. (Then calm) it's easier trust me.
MAUREEN
(Calls Dean over) Dean!
DEAN WALKS OVER AND TAKES A SEAT
MAUREEN (CONT'D)
Can I help you Sir?
DEAN

Job!
MAUREEN
(Puts head in hand)Looks over to the next desk to a man, a colleague). Stan!, Sort this out please!
MAUREEN THEN WALKS OVER TO THE FRONT RECEPTION DESK, AS ANOTHER PERSON COMES IN THIS TIME IT'S A MAN LOOKING ANNOYED.
MAUREEN (CONT'D)
(FEELING RELIEVED) Yes sir, can I help you?
ANNOYED MAN
I should bloody well hope so!
MAUREEN
Well...!
ANNOYED MAN
I signed on 3 days ago and I'm due my pay today but there is nothing in my bank.... I want my money.
MAUREEN
OK sir follow me please.
THE MAN FOLLOWS MAUREEN TO A ROOM...
MAUREEN (CONT'D)
After you sir.
SHE OPENS THE DOOR FOR THE MAN AS HE GOES TO WALK IN SHE KICKS HIM SHARP UP THE ARSE, THEN WE HEAR A SCREAM GETTING FAINTER AS IF FALLING, AND THEN A THUD.
MAUREEN THEN RUBS HER HANDS AND LOCKS THE DOOR. THEN TURNS AROUND TO THE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING.
MAUREEN (CONT'D)
Did anyone else not get paid?
TO WHICH THE ROOM REPLIES
WAITING PEOPLE
No!
MAUREEN
Good!
CAMERA CUTS TO
IAN AT HIS DESK WITH FEET ON TABLE.
IAN
I used to be in a band ya know!
CAMERAMAN
(Faintly) What band?
IAN
(Cock sure of himself) What band!
IAN (CONT'D)
Ha ha!, You won't believe me if I told you.
IAN (CONT'D)
We were only the best band to come out of the late seventies.... Influenced many bands.
CAMERAMAN
(Faintly) Oh yeah!, What's the name then?
IAN
(Excitedly) We were the FUDGEPACKERS.
CAMERAMAN
(Faintly laughing) Yeah I bet you were.
IAN
(Looks annoyed) Listen mate there would be no Hot stop if it wasn't for guys like us.
CAMERAMAN
(Still laughing) Who?
CLIVE WALKS PAST.
CLIVE
Don't you mean Coldplay?
IAN ANNOYED THAT CLIVE KNOWS MORE THAN HE DOES ABOUT MUSIC
IAN
I know that you idiot!, What do you know about music anyway?
CLIVE
Well I did my PHD in music studies and I researched modern music at uni.
IAN LOOKS AT CLIVE GOB SMACKED
IAN
.... Exactly nothing!.

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sootyj

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 10:33am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

There's lots of nice gags here and some cracking characters if a little broadly written.

Couple of hints

1 Lose the voice over I can see whats happening clearly enough
2 Lose the minute directions the dialogue gives enough idea whats going on

nb it has a slightly surreal feel, is that intentional I like it.

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Baz Magnum

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 10:40am
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

Thanks I'm glad you like it, the surreal elements I put in are intentional yes my kind of humour really I think it's to show people that we shouldnt take ourselves to seriously. Maybe when things are to obvious I should leave out the voiceover yes but I think certain parts might give it that docu feel to it.

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sootyj

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 10:44am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Ok now remember the biggy with sitcom is character and plot, you've written an intriguing sample.

But character and plot is what comes next.

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Baz Magnum

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 6:43pm [Edited]
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

I'll work on that before I attempt anymore, don't wanna risk rushing it and making a mess :)

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Doctor Chutney

  • Tuesday 1st March 2011, 9:11pm
  • Norwich, England
  • 24 posts

I quite like the voice over. Because this is a take on certain types of reality show, the voice overs usually are unnecessary, inane, and pointless, so by adding it in here, and making it simply highlight the bleeding obvious, I think it helps with the parody.

Plenty of material in the job centre. I had some very interesting chats when I was last out of work. The jobsworth is still alive there. I had a form I had completed and instead of posting it I brought it in with me. I approached the duty officer and asked if he could take the form.
"You have to post it."
"But it's coming here."
"I can't take it, you have to post it."
"Do you have a postbox here?"
"No, you have to post it."

Joy.

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Baz Magnum

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 12:36am
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

Ha ha amazing I've had the same thing happen to me, they seem to make things more awkward for you don't they?, yeah I wanted to keep that reality feel to it maybe have john sachs or someone doing the voice over. :)

The mad thing is I don't even have a title yet, anyone think of any?

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Marc P

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 8:01am
  • England
  • 17,698 posts
Quote: Baz Magnum @ March 2 2011, 12:36 AM GMT

The mad thing is I don't even have a title yet, anyone think of any?


Just the Job

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 8:49am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Jobs worth

The book of Job

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 9:06am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,880 posts

Big Job

Work it out

Another day another dole('r)

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Baz Magnum

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 11:11am
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

thanks for the input guys will have a think, don't wanna call it something then change my mind later, have a habit of that :D

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John Owen Jones

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 11:20am
  • Porthmadog, Wales
  • 83 posts

Hey Baz!

I enjoyed reading the script (can I have a part? haha). I've come up with some titles:

Jobs
Job Sentry
Jobs R Us
Jibs and Jobs
Jobber
Job Hope (my favourite)
Job Helpers Alliance

There is some great imagery in there! :D

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Baz Magnum

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 11:30am
  • Birmingham, England
  • 29 posts

Hey thanks for that:D, glad you like it. I like all the titles you and others have put, now I have to think which ones to use :)

Yeah sure, what part do you want? haha :)

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 2nd March 2011, 12:21pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Faking allowances