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ajp29

  • Monday 30th October 2006, 5:03pm
  • England
  • 5,486 posts

I'm sending this script off to the BBC and various other production companies so i thought i'd let people destroy my confidence in it before i do. enjoy (the script, not destroying my confidence) ajp29

SCENE 1. INT. IDEAS ROOM-DAY
OPENING SHOT IS A WIDE SHOT OF THE IDEAS ROOM WITH JONAH, MACCA AND RUNS. THERE IS NO SOUND EXCEPT THE THEME MUSIC. THE PRODUCT THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL IS ON THE TABLE; IN THIS CASE IT IS A FIZZY DRINK. THE SCENE LASTS THIRTY SECONDS AND THERE ARE SEVERAL SHOTS OF THE TEAM BEING DYNAMIC AND PASSIONATE, E.G. SHOUTING, BANGING FISTS ON TABLES, DRAWING ON WHITEBOARD. SCENE ENDS WHEN RUNS SAYS:
RUNS:
So we’ll just go with a woman with big tits.
JONAH AND MACCA NOD THEIR HEAD IN AGREEMENT. THEN THERE IS A SHOT OF THE BILLBOARD WITH THE PRODUCT AND THE WOMAN WITH BIG TITS COMPLETE WITH A DOUBLE ENTENDRE ASSOCIATED WITH THE PRODUCT. ‘WARNING, CAN GO OFF WHEN HANDLED.’ THEN THERE IS A SHOT OF THE BILLBOARD FROM THE ADVERTEYES OFFICE. THE SCENE FINISHES WITH A SHOT OF THE OFFICE WINDOW WITH THE ADVERTEYES TEAM LOOKING OUT. THE TITLE OF THE SITCOM APPEARS UNDER THE WINDOW.
CUT TO:

SCENE 2. INT. MR JAGGER’S OFFICE-DAY
JOE AND MR JAGGER ARE SITTING AT MR JAGGER’S DESK. MR JAGGER IS ON THE PHONE.
MR JAGGER:
(INTO PHONE) I don’t pay cleaners to clean! I pay cleaners to think (PUTS PHONE DOWN)! Come in.
JOE:
You wanted to see me, Mr Jagger?
MR JAGGER:
Good news. Joe you are being promoted.
JOE:
I am?
MR JAGGER:
I loved your work with the anti racism magazine campaign.
POINTS TO A POSTER WITH A DRUID SHOOTING A GROUP OF WHITE PEOPLE WITH THE SLOGAN: ‘KEEP BRITAIN PURE, KEEP BRITAIN PAGAN.’
MR JAGGER:
And your work on the anti drugs magazine campaign.
POINTS TO A POSTER WITH THE SLOGAN: ‘KIDS STAY AWAY FROM CRACK, SMACK AND THIS SHIT IS WHACK.’
MR JAGGER:
I want you to work with my TV and Billboard Team. I want to turn you from an anti into a pro. I have experience in this area-I was my mother’s sister’s pimp for two years.
AWKWARD SILENCE.
JOE:
I don’t know Mr Jagger. I’m used to making adverts with a message.
MR JAGGER:
Don’t worry. Instead of making a difference you’ll be making money. What do you say? I’ve already told your department you’re going and they have hired a replacement.
JOE:
I guess I have no choice.
MR JAGGER:
Welcome aboard (SHAKES HAND). Let’s go meet the team.
CUT TO:


SCENE 3. INT. IDEAS ROOM-DAY
MR JAGGER, JOE, JONAH, MACCA AND RUNS ARE IN THE IDEAS ROOM
MR JAGGER:
Hi team, meet your newest member, Joe. Joe, this is Jonah-he covers our ethnic demographic. This is Macca-he covers our Essex demographic and this is Runs-he ‘runs’ (MR JAGGER MAKES QUOTES WITH HIS FINGERS) things.
EVERYONE EXCEPT JOE LAUGHS AT MR JAGGER’S JOKES.
MR JAGGER:
What are you selling today?
RUNS:
Debt relief, they offer relief at rock bottom interest rates.
MR JAGGER:
Well carry on.
MR JAGGER LEAVES.
RUNS:
Welcome to the team Joe. We like to do things a little differently to what you’re used to. Think of this room as an ideas factory in which we create a highly sophisticated streamlined product of the highest…I’m only kidding. We arse about for a couple of hours and then come up with a brilliant idea about 5 minutes before deadline.
OK, Debt Relief. They are a debt consolidation company who want an ‘original’ advert. They are tired of simply putting ‘real people’ on the TV banging on about how they were in debt but struggling to pay it off. They want a positive TV ad and not in a ‘Carol Vorderman’ way.
JOE:
A positive advert about debt consolidation. How do you guys sleep at night?
JONAH:
We’re just following orders.
JOE:
The Nazis just followed orders and look what happened.
JONAH:
Yeah, but the ones who followed orders were captured and the ones who disobeyed were already dead coz the obedient Nazis shot them.
RUNS:
Any suggestions?
MACCA:
Why don’t we do an advert with a guy who didn’t get debt relief, like that fire safety advert where the guy loses his family coz he didn’t have a smoke alarm?
JONAH:
You mean like a guy who’s hung himself. We could have him swaying back and forth and the voice over could say ‘Colin didn’t get debt relief: now he’s hanging around in heaven’
RUNS AND MACCA LAUGH WHILE JOE OOKS SHOCKED.
RUNS:
It’s good but they said on the brief it has to be positive. Put it on the board anyway.
MACCA WRITES DEAD MAN SWINGING ON THE WHITEBOARD.
JONAH:
So they want a positive debt relief advert which isn’t like the other debt adverts.
MACCA:
What about a man struggling to walk up a mountain in the hot sun? The voice over says, ‘do you find it an uphill struggle to pay your debts.’ Then a Humvee turns up glinting in the sun. ‘Then call Debt Relief.’ The guy gets in The Humvee and is taken to the top of the mountain. Then you have a Helicopter shot of the guy at the top of the mountain with the number of Debt Relief.
RUNS:
It’s good but sounds a bit expensive. Debt Relief doesn’t have a lot of liquid cash. It’s all tied up in houses. But put it up on the whiteboard. Joe you got any ideas?
JOE:
Well I have some but I don’t think the client would like them.
RUNS:
Well, Joe, we need some input because we usually get a couple of ideas and fuse them together. This is the Ideas Room.
JOE:
You fuse them together?
RUNS:
Yeah, we fuse them together. We get a couple of ideas, add S and S and we’re done.
JOE:
S and S?
RUNS:
Sex and Special FX. Tights and Gigabytes. KY and CG. Have you never heard of this? It’s a basic advertising technique.
JOE:
When you’re doing anti-war ads there is not much room for Sex and Special FXs.
RUNS:
Well you’ll learn. Got an idea?
JOE:
How about getting a white male, late thirties, running around a running track and he keeps getting handed batons until eventually he drops them all then you could have the voice over tell you how you can sell your soul then you see him get handed an Olympic torch and he smiles like the cat who got f**ked up the arse.
RUNS:
That’s brilliant. Put it on the board. OK, let’s break for lunch.
JOE:
Its 10:15.
RUNS:
Sorry, late lunch.
CUT TO:

SCENE 9. INT. IDEAS ROOM-DAY
BACK IN THE IDEAS ROOM. JOE ENTERS TO FIND MACCA AND JONAH ARGUING.
JONAH:
You’re saying that the biscuit selection is racist?
MACCA:
If it were racist there would be more Custard Creams than Bourbons. The selection is using positively discrimination-there are more Bourbons than Custard Creams. It’s Political Correctness gone mad.
JONAH:
Why don’t you write a letter to the Daily Mail?
MACCA:
Well, I might.
JOE:
Why aren’t there any Pink Wafers?
JONAH AND MACCA STARE AT JOE.
MACCA:
What have you come as? The White and White Minstrels?
JOE:
I was attacked by an arthritic builder. I think the karma police are after me.
JONAH:
That’s what you get when you mess with ads.
RUNS ENTERS.
RUNS:
Mr Jagger wants to see our ideas at 4 o’clock. He may be delayed because there was a bit of a problem with his son’s school outing. They walked past a FCUK shop.
JONAH AND MACCA GIVE UNDERSTANDING LOOKS. JOE LOOKS A MACCA.
MACCA:
Mr Jagger’s son is dyslexic.
JOE:
Oh.
CUT TO:

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Aaron

  • Monday 30th October 2006, 5:50pm
  • Royal Berkshire, England
  • 68,519 posts

Haha, very good! :)

You'll have to let us know what/if you hear anything. I'd certainly like to see it commissioned. Like the non-identical-twin-brother of Absolute Power. :)

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SlagA

  • Monday 30th October 2006, 8:41pm [Edited]
  • Blackwood, Wales
  • 5,335 posts

I thought good, generally sharp and getting to the point quickly.

Only two comments:
At beginning you say Joe is sat at the table with the boss but after the boss finishes on the phone he invites Joe in (which he already is)

I didn't get any of the logic behind the dead / obedient nazis but i could be having a slow day.

And the pink wafer line, i thought would lead to a sexuality questioning response from one of the others.

Try a read of Vince Packard's "The Hidden Persuaders" - written in the 50s but he was describing the deep subliminal messages that advertisers were already conciously encoding into adverts. You may find it useful background and a good source of gags. I found it an inspiration for a series of Catch-22 style gags in my first novel, The MythMakers - kinda marketing goes crazy and decieves the world meets The Commitments (without the accents).

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ajp29

  • Tuesday 31st October 2006, 1:06am
  • England
  • 5,486 posts

Thanks for the support. In response to SlagA most of the material touches on sensitive subjects however this is designed to satirise the attitudes of advertisers who are generally prejudiced and explotative and not the subject. It would not occur to either Jonah or Macca to link Joe's comment to sexuality as they are so narrowminded. The nazis joke was another take on the old excuse 'we were only folowing orders,' which is how Macca, Jonah and Runs justify their work. I will definately look up "The Hidden Persuaders' although i do not think that the characters have the cognitive capacity to plant subliminal messages. As you may have guessed I do not think highly of Advertisers.