Puns/one-liners Page 2

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Badge

  • Saturday 5th February 2011, 3:34pm
  • London, England
  • 9,490 posts
Quote: Nat Wicks @ February 5 2011, 3:15 PM GMT

It isn't healthy to agree with yourself.


It's healthier than disagreeing with yourself.

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Natalie Of Wicks

  • Saturday 5th February 2011, 3:39pm
  • England
  • 9,484 posts

Haha yes I suppose you're right.

No you're not.

Yes you are.

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Blenkinsop

  • Saturday 5th February 2011, 4:31pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 2,013 posts

I love a good pun, me.

One of my all-time favs (I've seen it attributed to both Tommy Cooper and Tim Vine but I'm not sure which of them wrote it.) goes something like this

Police arrested two youths yesterday. One for drinking battery acid and the other for stealing fireworks. They subsequently charged one and let the other off.

Or words to that effect.

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youngian

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 1:15pm
  • England
  • 1,727 posts
Quote: Blenkinsop @ February 5 2011, 4:31 PM GMT

I love a good pun, me.

One of my all-time favs (I've seen it attributed to both Tommy Cooper and Tim Vine but I'm not sure which of them wrote it.) goes something like this

Police arrested two youths yesterday. One for drinking battery acid and the other for stealing fireworks. They subsequently charged one and let the other off.

Or words to that effect.

:D

Tommy Cooper-
I was in my car someone said could you give me a lift?
Sure you look great the world's your oyster.

Tim vine-
Farting in the lift- that's just wrong on so many levels

Bob Monkhouse-
They laughed when I said I wanted to be comedian, well they're not laughing now.

Julian and Sandy fall in the sea on a cruise.
Kenneth Horne- Were you dragged up on deck?
Kenneth Williams- No dear we wore casuals.

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Tony Cowards

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 1:28pm [Edited]
  • Wiltshire, England
  • 1,762 posts
Quote: youngian @ February 8 2011, 1:15 PM GMT

Tommy Cooper-
I was in my car someone said could you give me a lift?
Sure you look great the world's your oyster.

Tim vine-
Farting in the lift- that's just wrong on so many levels


The first one is a Tim Vine joke and the second is Stewart Francis if I'm not mistaken?

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Oldrocker

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 2:33pm
  • Near my beloved Black Country in Wolverhampton, England
  • 13,416 posts

And again from RTH

'This is my horse. He's a palayorno'

'Don't you mean palamino?'

'Well, any palayorno is a palamino!'

or

'Howdy stranger, what brings you down to these parts?'

'I've got a lousy agent.'

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youngian

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 3:21pm
  • England
  • 1,727 posts
Quote: Oldrocker @ February 8 2011, 2:33 PM GMT

And again from RTH

'This is my horse. He's a palayorno'

'Don't you mean palamino?'

'Well, any palayorno is a palamino!'

or

'Howdy stranger, what brings you down to these parts?'

'I've got a lousy agent.'


That show has the contradictory ability to make you laugh and cringe in equally large quantities even on the same joke.

Two variants on a very old music hall oneliner-

My wife's gone to Indonesia
Jarkata?
No, she took a plane.

My wife and I are driving to Illinois
Chicago?
Yes we had it serviced last week.

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Oldrocker

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 3:37pm
  • Near my beloved Black Country in Wolverhampton, England
  • 13,416 posts
Quote: youngian @ February 8 2011, 3:21 PM GMT

That show has the contradictory ability to make you laugh and cringe in equally large quantities even on the same joke.

Two variants on a very old music hall oneliner-

My wife's gone to Indonesia
Jarkata?
No, she took a plane.

My wife and I are driving to Illinois
Chicago?
Yes we had it serviced last week.


My wife's gone abroad
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.

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Tony Cowards

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 3:46pm
  • Wiltshire, England
  • 1,762 posts

My contribution to this "genre"...

My wife was killed by Basque Separatists.

ETA?

No, they blew her up.

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youngian

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 3:55pm
  • England
  • 1,727 posts
Quote: Tony Cowards @ February 8 2011, 3:46 PM GMT

My contribution to this "genre"...

My wife was killed by Basque Separatists.

ETA?

No, they blew her up.

:D

I once saw a party from Bilbao get stuck in a revolving door.

Hence the saying; 'Don't fit all your Basques in one exit'

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sidecar jon

  • Tuesday 8th February 2011, 8:40pm
  • 259 posts

ai a good pun is a comedy gen, a back flip in logic and it allows you to congratulate yourself for your knowledge too...a beautiful self contained snigger.

We lived in a grade two listed house, which was nice but obviously everyone had to be pretty good at the piano...Milton Jones.