- Friday 19th July 2019, 6:19am
- 17,852 posts
Firkin makes you think of F**kin
Firkin makes you think of F**kin
HGT drive his Fergie tractor upside down.
Bill has spent years learning the subtle complexities of thought transference, He has read every book on the mechanics of the process and attended every meeting, talk and lecture on the theory s behind it. From ancient mystical writings to overlapping bio electrical field theory, from plain old witchcraft to new age 'living universe' inter-connectivity, Bill has thoroughly investigated them all. Now he stands ready show the world just how real thought transference is... if only he could come up with an original thought....
Playfull has been banned from the water slides at his swimming pool, for greasing himself up.
But Firkin likes to grease other people up, and buys his baby oil in 25 litre drums from Pervs R Us.
Herc likes to pop down to his local Lido and watch Firkin greasing up the local pensioners before their swim. "it's like watching an artist at work" he said. "Firkin gets into all the folds and creases, sometimes right up to his elbows."
Not everyone is as happy though - the cleaners spend hours trying to scrub the greasy swimming pool sized tide mark off and the lifeguard complains it makes his job impossible. "Elsie got into trouble yesterday" he said. "I tried to get her out but it was like trying to rescue a bar of soap. In the end we had to use a boat hook."
Playfull has sprung a leak and should henceforth be referred to as Playempty.
billwill regularly goes running with the bulls.
Sadly Chipolata friend died of obesity before ever realising his dream of being a sumo wrestler.
Noses and bottoms run in Firkin's family.
Playfull for PPI.
Boris Johnson has won the contest to become the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. In doing so he becomes the first person from the minority 'Clown' community to hold such a high office*. Something being celebrated by the LGBTC communities. "This is the best thing to happen to 'Clown' rights since the 'C' was added to LGBT." Said CoCo, the clown spokesman. "People won't be laughing at us now!" he added.
Not every one is happy though, Joseph Grimaldi (not his real name) is a member of the militant clown organisation, 'Honk'. "Boris is not a clown," he said. "People can't just self-identify as a 'Clown'. When he 'came out' to his parents his father told him firmly, he was a buffoon the same as he was and his paternal grandfather had been."
"Wait and see when the wheels come off the economy and the doors fall off Brexit. Let's see who is a clown then!" said CoCo, throwing a bucket of shredded paper over Grimaldi, who pulling out his horn chased CoCo around the room honking at him.
Paul Wimsett from the government department for acronym oversight, shook his head at the sight of the clowns behaviour. And speaking into his mobile said, "Take the 'C' off....Yes waste of time....What?... Boris?...a buffoon apparently...More of a c*nt, I'd have thought...On second thoughts leave the 'C' on."
*NOTE Donald trump who is widely regarded as the first 'Clown' to become a national leader is not actually a 'Clown', even though he displays many Clown-like traits. Being of German origin means he doesn't carry the 'funny' gene, which means he is even less funny than an actual 'Clown'.
Playfull has a black hole for a foot.
Chipolata has been banned from fracking inside B&M Bargains in Bootle.
Firkin is wanted by the RSPCA for abstract expressionist face-painting his cat.