Nick Nockerty was the inspiration behind Charles Dickens lost masterpiece Nick Nockertby, in which the orphaned Nick is set loose in a London full of cheeky chimney sweeps and cockle sellers such Maggie Squirtwriggle, Mr Humblebumbletumblety and the classic Mr Smith of 9 The Mews Wood Green. Finally reconciled with his lost love Mavis and his club footed side kick stupid boy Pike they all end up living in poverty happily ever after

Nick Nockerty once worked for a builder at a local theatre and was sent out to get bricks for the 'fourth wall'. He was never seen again.

Will Cam is banned from all forms of organised sport since the unfortunate incident at the 1984 Moscow Opening Ceremony when he accused the Russian synchronised swimming team of being transvestites

Muddlesome spent months plucking hairs from the arses of baby orangutans just because Trump has decided to go ginger.

Nick Nockerty was considered for the Eurovision Song Contest 1974 with controversial showstopper Bang a Bing Crosby but was barred after calling out Katie Boyle after saying her new tattoo was smudged

In 1979, Muddlecombe was the unlucky runner-up in Albania's Got Talent. (There were rumours of vote rigging.)

His act included uncannily accurate impersonations of Neil Kinnock, Sooty, and the Bishop of Durham.

Now residing in the Lake District, there isn't a double-glazing salesperson within a fifty mile radius who hasn't perused his bulky scrapbooks of cuttings and memorabilia of that year, eventually causing their own eyes to glaze over. Poetic justice, you might say. Muddlecombe certainly does.

In his latest celluloidal incarnation, George Kaplan plays Stephen Hawking's body double in a remake of the old Shakespeare classic "A tale of two cities", in which an Association Football first XI from Manchester plays the second XI.

George Kaplan displays his many trophies for cheese rolling in a specially designed tank made of the finest Camembert, being a modest man he refuses to spread his cheese fame and often claims to hate all dairy based foods, despite living in a house constructed almost entirely of chedder. He is often seen his front garden singing the bries in the trees

SSTT is of course the inventor of the famous social disease that never really took off in the seventies, mainly due to the fact that in contrast to the old wives tale it could be caught off the toilet seat, but only if said said toilet seat was still warm

Muddlecombe has a penchant for confusing his lorgnette with his pince-nez, oft-resulting in hastily-edited posts of the cross nature.

SSTT will only wear boots made from West Country badgers bollocks, and enjoys rubbing his legs.

Brian Brane likes keeping old traditions alive, like believing the world is flat. He also believes he is the King of the knights of the square table.

Nick Nockerty has no forehead or neck but his foreskin is made of solid gold.

Frankie Rage is in fact Frankie Boyle.
Frankie enjoys posting at the British Comedy Guide, as he doesn't have to insult anyone, or anything.
He finds being a c**t extremely tiresome, and wants to reboot his career as a mild mannered comedian like that nice Michael Crawford.

The bane of being Brian Brane is in the brain of Brian Brane which is oddly shaped, being rectangular first thing in the morning and becoming cuboid towards tiffin. After lunch it is positively circular albeit flattish at the poles, a bit like the Earth but not quite so big, oh and sporting a singularity at its core. Different. Apparently, as it was foretold, it's all in the wrist action..

Frankie Rage is in fact the secret love child of Ann Widdecombe and Patrick Moore.

His trademark monocle and poorly choreographed movement on the dance floor is a dead giveaway.