- Wednesday 4th October 2006, 1:58am
- 408 posts
A man approaches Richard and Judy.
MAN: Hello there. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got a job offer that you might be interested in.
RICHARD: Yeah sure, fire away.
MAN: Well, now that Paul O'Grady has moved to Channel 4, you have to share your 5pm timeslot throughout the year. However, if you accept my offer, you'll have that timeslot all year round.
RICHARD: That sounds brilliant. What do you think Judy?
RICHARD: (Interupting)Quiet Judy! Now before we get down to business, I just want to check that you're not from channel 5, because if so you might as well leave right now.
MAN: No, I'm not from channel 5.
RICHARD: Excellant. So let's talk business.
MAN: How does 500k sound?
RICHARD: Well, it's a bit less than we were expecting.
MAN: Feel free to pay me more!
JUDY: Pay you?
RICHARD: Quiet Judy. Pay you?
MAN: Well, how else am I supposed to make a living?
RICHARD: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
MAN: It's quite simple. I 'remove' Paul O'Grady. You pay me 500k. Happy days.
RICHARD: I see. I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I assumed you were from another channel, and offering us the chance to move our show.
MAN: It's an easy mistake. So what do you think?
RICHARD: Is 500k negotiable?
RICHARD: Ignore her!
MAN: The price varies depending on the method you choose.
RICHARD: What's the cheapest method?
MAN: Making him jump.
RICHARD: Out of a plane?
RICHARD: Off a tall building?
MAN: No! I mean literally making him jump. With all his heart problems, it's bound to finish him off. However, I must warn you that success is not guarenteed.
RICHARD: How much?
MAN: There is one last thing that I must warn you about... (he turns round to face a hidden camera)... you're live on The New Paul O'Grady Show!!