"My word, that tortoise has a big cock!"

Tommy the tortoise couldn't enjoy hibernation as he had a stiff neck

For some reason, the birds always went for Tim

Quote: bigfella @ February 8 2009, 8:31 AM GMT

After three months in hibernation Tommy's first "morning glory" was always something spectacular

View original

The shell was for protection, the Helmet was just for show.

Leonardo wasn't a Ninja but he was a teenage mutant.

This guy would make a nice starter....

...Turtle soup or Cock-a-leeky.

Thomas made a wonderfully eligible bachelor...a sweet smile, his own home and a gigantic cock...

The original sleeve artwork for Elton's 'Captain Fantastic' was deemed too risque to use...

Steve had to disguise his beer belly somehow...'I know' he thought, 'I'll paint a bell end on it'...

Fred was sure Blue Peter wouldn't make a mistake this time.

With the new Tortoise dildo, you can come at your own pace.

Tommy's delight at having a huge cock turned bittersweet when he realised he didn't have any hands.

Sammy's shell wasn't the only thing hard-onned.

Even in the Galapagos Islands, Timmy was popular with the ladies.

Jim looked like a torpedo, which unfortunatly for a tortoise, meant he liked kids.

Tommy finally decided to come out of his shell.

Somewhere in Terry's DNA, there was a massive cock up.

Terry was a traditionalist and took his annual pilgramage to Banbury Cross very seriously.

Yeah, my shell is quite hard, but....

Terry was fond of a knob gag.

Terry's dad made a note to invest heavily in Kleenex shares once his son hit puberty.

Hare couldn't believe the steps Tortoise was prepared to take to ensure he always came first.

Teachers? Tortoise cock.

The army's new Missile delivery system proved to be a little slow for modern warfare.