My All Important Credentials
So obviously normally I wouldn't reveal such things. However, the situation has become so serious that it is now increasingly clear that it is only me again who can save the entire western world. Yes, it's true. While not formally elected, I have been sitting in the House of Commons since 3 June 2007 as an MP who is actually not an MP asking many vital questions. In the early days it was easy. I had a special arrangement with GCHQ which meant that I could access the chamber with no questions being asked of me whatsoever.
Until 2016, I sat on the Labour benches as Gervase Jones, the so called MP for Osbaldwick and North Dringhouses, fully aware that no one in that party had the slightest clue about or interest in anything north of Notting Hill and everyone was just so busy in-fighting I wouldn't be checked out.. It took a few skills. Just pick the debates when a novice Deputy Speaker was in the chair. Someone who knew even less about what they were doing than anyone else. Then when I got wind on the grapevine that I had somehow been found out, I shifted niftily to the SNP. It was there I became the burka wearing female MP Fatima Fahina El Fawaz Ewing-Maclennahanan, claiming to represent, oh I dunno, S muladach mi 's mi air m'Aineoil and the Isles.
Since March 2020, when I moved again, this time onto the Tory backbenches as the MP for Little Ashalming and Godbridges, Tobias Wildergrass-Kowalski, it has been even easier. Mostly I done all me questions on Zoom, just me donned in face mask, dark glasses and wiv a "come and get me if you are hard enough" woman dressed head to toe in leather and her whip alongside. But tonight, Matthew, I am delighted to say I shall again be back in my beloved Westminster to prevent world war. I shall just ride me motorbike through its back entrance and say when I am asked to take me helmet off - "You should know just how important I am, effing plebs. I am not having the peace secured since 1945 just spaffed up any big potato's walls".
So, yep, I don't even care if it is Lindsey Hoyle himself who will be in the chair. I'm asking me question.
It's this one:
The All Important Question
Could the Prime Minister advise how it can be that the Taliban is not merely well but clearly as fit as a fiddle given that logically one might expect significant sections of it to have been wiped out by what we are told is international coronavirus?
For the record, according to WHO, and our Government's own website, healthcare in Afghanistan is very limited. The supply of ICU beds and ventilators is low. There are areas which have no medical facilities with ICU beds and ventilators.
An estimated 30 per cent of the population had been exposed to COVID-19 by as early as June 2020. WHO warned that widespread complacency and failure to follow public health advice was creating grave risks in the community with people generally not observing physical distancing or mask-wearing protocols.
As a year and two months have passed since that date, one would rationally expect that percentage to be hugely higher, especially in the absence of vaccinations - wouldn't one? Yus! So spill the beans, fella.