Submit your sketches to NQC!

Not Quite Cabaret is opening our new season on July 4th, and as always we're looking for new comedic material to feature in our show!
We'd love to hear from you! Please email us on notquitecabaret@gmail.com if you have any comedic sketches you'd like to submit to us!

We want to give a big shout out to Richard Lawless for his sketches that we performed earlier this year. His pieces brought down the house every night we performed them. Many thanks Richard!

What sort of stuff are you after?

Pete when you're dealing with Australian theatrical academics who have stage combat experience and the zeal of Christians, you don't ask you just deliver.

These people have taken the trouble to fuse a Murder Mystery Weekend format with a mixture of combat based comedy and I suspect modern dance.

So they've took the plunge

You've taken the bait

And I have supplied the remit.

May I suggest you put all the clocks in your house forward by two days, put the heating on full blast, get a six pack of Fosters and then get into your best writing shorts and vest and crack on sport.

I submitted a sketch during the last run in January, but never received a response.

Did you know that they're Australians when you sent the sketch?
If you did then it's your own fault.
If I was to ever offer another writer my soundest advice it would be 'Never get involved with Australians!'

FFS have you not seen Skippy?
That Kangaroo was allowed to give evidence to a full blown court by using some sort of marsupial cluck!

Their airport won't let anyone in and if they do God help you if you have an apple in your bag, they suit up and ring the fire brigade (or the Fireys as they call them)

Plus as a writer you have to include the Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge in every scene.

If you don't they blow your f**king head off like they did Ned Kelly.

Gang of bastards simple as and if you ask me the f**king Sullivans were peados!

I really hate people who f**k peas!

Dan

It goes on believe me, why do you think tins of marrow fat peas are in thick foamy water?

Wait till the police find all that on your hard drive.

Dan

Iv'e just had a slash round the back of our house.

Is that a garden pea?

.... I'll get my hat n coat.

How does a pea get the internet?

With a broad bean provider.

These jokes should go on a podcast

Podding is a form of rape!

Would you shell out for a prostitute pea?

You're doing all the pea material wrong! You need to add an awful meat pie floater in with it...