Thank you again for you're feedback, greatly appreciated.

You've given me some really useful insights and definitely some ideas for improvement which I can certainly try to implement.

Well, I liked it overall. I liked the concept, quality of writing and I think if this is your first attempt- keep going!

I've only just found this site and have read some of the other sit-coms. For me, it was a refreshing change from the rank, predictable, misogynistic, stereotypical (apparent) norm of fat, foul-mouthed, overdressed slags and psychologically prepubescent males who seem to want to crouch behind the bicycle shed and laugh at rude words- a trend which is now becoming very 'yesterday' (thankfully!).

On the critique side, like others, I wanted the story to move more quickly at the start. I would have had more contrast in the characters. For example, they could have known each other since childhood, but Matt could have gone off to public school. You'd be able to make lots of comment on our class/money-driven society while still holding the time-shift theme and the general story. Or some other major difference.

I found some of your 'stage direction' more amusing than the dialogue.

Continuity note: they'd actually fall to the roof of the lift when plummeting to floor 666 and then fall to the floor when it stopped

Having said that, you might think about writing for radio. No worries at all about scene cost, just sound effects. You could turn some of your stage direction into voiceovers, which could make it very funny. Also, they have a big budget, so I am told.

Whatever, find out how your choice is formatted and always present the most professional effort you can muster.

Very best of luck.

[QUOTE]....I've only just found this site and have read some of the other sit-coms. For me, it was a refreshing change from the rank, predictable, misogynistic, stereotypical (apparent) norm of fat, foul-mouthed, overdressed slags and psychologically prepubescent males who seem to want to crouch behind the bicycle shed and laugh at rude words- a trend which is now becoming very 'yesterday' (thankfully!).

There are plenty of comedy's/sitcoms at the moment making a good name for themselves being what you have described above. we need more of this kind of thing instead of the same old stiff upper lip shite that's pumped out quite regularly.

I wondered who'd be the first to take up my comments in this way.

It's not a matter of attic or basement; it's a matter of unnecessary 'shite' in the lower basement.

Lets not forget whats in the middle of the attic and the basement. The stairs, its where Mr's brown sits and she aint moving for no-one.

Thanks again for the feedback, and I'll remember to make a note of how the gravity in the lift should work - thanks for that.

I'm now attempting to turn the whole thing into a book, that way budget constraints won't matter.

Book version of this nearly done - any idea how to get this published?

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/962110/

Be warned, there are plenty of bad ways.
It was touched on in this thread.
There are as many ways to self-publish as there are reasons to self-publish.
Anything less than a fortnight's researching on 'tinternet and you'll be doing yourself an injustice.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ January 5 2013, 10:28 AM GMT

The name of Mr Wanky needs to be a lot cleverer (if that's a word)

View original

Widower Wanky, perhaps?

Just for you Mr Carnegie, I have written in a panto scene with Mr. Scratch as Widow Wankey

Actual publishing seems to be as big a minefield as TV writing. Self publishing on the Kindle can be done relatively easily, though to actually sell copies you need to write books about vampire relationships.

I still want to see a pilot made.