Quote: AndrewJames @ February 18 2013, 3:19 AM GMT
1) I'm not pro-abortion, but I'm getting better at it.
2) I went to an all black high school and the kids used to pick on me, because my clothing was made of cotton.
3) One time in elementary school I showed a girl my penis. Needless to say I lost my teaching job.
4) When you join a cult, to become pure you have to chop off your own genitals. Man, that takes some balls.
5) I used to be sexually turned on by my own smell, taste and touch; but then I came to my senses.
6) My girlfriend and I have been dating for over eight years, today I finally tied the knot... I'm going to hang myself tonight.
7) Studies show that homophobes secretly have repressed gay desires. That's why I only have sex with gay men so people know I'm straight.
8) Love knows no bounds... Unless you're into bondage.
9) Marijuana is a gateway drug. So just start with coke.
10) I was raised by a single mother, you could tell just by looking at old family photos that my father was never really in the picture.
11) It's okay to disrespect a dead quadriplegic because they can't turn in their grave.
Overall, I'd say they are mostly a collection of joke ideas rather than fully formed one-liners, some show some promise and others need a lot of work (although some of it depends on the comic persona delivering them).
Some specific thoughts;
1) There's a nugget of a joke there, might work as it is but, for me, pro-abortion doesn't make me think "professional" abortion. Maybe something along the lines of "If pushed, I'm pro-abortion, I mean I think it's better that pros do it rather than amateurs".
2) Might work better in the US but here in the UK I think it'd either leave people scratching their heads or potentially worrying that it's racist.
3) This is a variation of a very old pull-back-and-reveal joke, every comic in the world has written this joke at some point in their career.
4) Kinda works, although I'd get rid of "to become pure", need to try it out in front of an audience.
5) There's a germ of a great joke here but at the moment it doesn't quite work logically. Possibly needs a bit of rewording.
6) Decent joke (although get rid of the word "tonight" at the end, jokes need to end on the "punch", any extraneous words detract from the laugh)
7) Again, would probably work if delivered in the right way
8) To me "bounds" makes me think of jumping rather than "chains" or "knots". I realise this is a personal thing but to me, "Love knows no bounds, unless you go out with a triple jumper" works better. If you want to go down the bondage route then perhaps combine this one with the "tying the knot" joke.
9) Would work better as a statement. "I agree with people who say that Marijuana is a gateway drug, which is why I just went straight to crack" (again, it's a personal thing but I think "crack" or perhaps "crystal meths" are 'funny' than "coke").
10) Again another good joke in here somewhere but, for me, it's not quite there. My spin on it would be something like "Growing up, my father was never in the picture, mainly because he was holding the camera".
11) Personally I don't really like this joke, it smacks too much of being a shock gag but it could work in the right hands and delivered in the right way.
So, in summary, a decent effort, now go away, write another hundred one-liners, select the ten best, hone them, write some more and eventually get 5 minutes together (about 20-25 one-liners) then perform them on stage, keep the ones which get laughs, throw away/rewrite the ones which don't and repeat until you are up there with Jimmy Carr, Steven Wright, Mitch Hedburg, Milton Jones, Gary Delaney, Stuart Francis, etc.
