Just realised it's a radio script.
Hence lack of action - duh!

I think Radio is REALLY hard.
The trouble is, people hear unmitigated shite on R4 and think they'll concentrate their efforts there, reckoning it'll be easier to get something away.
Not so sure about that - especially in terms of advancing your craft
You might be better working this up for the screen - it'll certainly help keep things a little more spare.

Failing that, write the plot down in about five lines - then make sure the plot kicks off within the first ten lines of dialogue.
Keep those five lines of plot in front of you and make sure you don't spend more than four or five lines without advancing the plot.
Just cut out the gags/exchanges you don't need and use them later ( the one good thing about dialogue that doesn't advance the plot is that you can put it anywhere!)

Lazzard! I think you've just hit me with a lightning bolt of wisdom with that superfluous dialogue advice! my main issue is giving up gags. But as you say, if they're not advancing the plot they lift right out, and can be recycled!

I'm all for recycling

Although I agree that more attention needs paying to advancing the plot, I did REALLY enjoy this. I liked the characters, witty dialogue and the general story.

I have had (and often still have) similar issues with my own sitcom-writing, and I've found that writing the plot out first helps (several times until I can see the story is going to work).

...Of course then sticking to the plot I've written is another matter.

Thanks Die Hard. I really had fun writing it too, which isn't always the case. I might post some more excerpts if anyone's interested.

Quote: Die Hard @ September 18 2012, 12:24 AM BST

, and I've found that writing the plot out first helps (several times until I can see the story is going to work).

View original

I was told once that you should write the plot out as a story - literally starting with "Once upon a time..."
It forces you to get the information in the right order.

Quote: Die Hard @ September 18 2012, 12:24 AM BST

have had (and often still have) similar issues with my own sitcom-writing, and I've found that writing the plot out first helps (several times until I can see the story is going to work).

View original

This is true.

I was concentrating on trying to make my script funny, and creating a story as I went along.

You end up with a somewhat meandering dialogue-heavy and indirect piece, that feels disjointed.

With months and months of moving and editing, you will maybe get there in the end, but it's horribly inefficient.

I think it pays to make jokes fit a pre-decided story, rather than the other way around.

Sure, you might have inspiration during the writing process to change the direction of the story occasionally from the original outline, but that outline should certainly be there in the first place.

Quote: Die Hard @ September 18 2012, 12:24 AM BST

I have had (and often still have) similar issues with my own sitcom-writing, and I've found that writing the plot out first helps (several times until I can see the story is going to work).

View original

I wouldn't just say it helps, I'd say it's absolutely vital. You will see your work improve in leaps and bounds, and realise the most important thing is not just jokes, but story and character. If you have them, funny lines will come too.