Tuffet Towers.

TWO MEN, BILL AND JACK, SIT IN A DARKENED ROOM. THE MEN STUDY INSTRUMENTS TO MEASURE SPIRIT PRESENCE. THEY HAVE A CAMERA FILMING AND A RECORDING DEVICE FOR SOUND AND TEMPERATURE CHANGES. THE MEN INTERMITENTLY STAND A READ DEVICES BILL ROOTS ABOUT FOR A FLASK AND SANDWICHES BEGINS TO EAT AND OFFERS THEM TO JACK WHO DECLINES.

JACK.
We're getting a reading here, Bill, I think something is about to happen.

BILL CHOMPS ON HIS SANDWICHES AND SHIFTS SLIGHTLY TO LET A GHOSTLY FIGURE PASS.

BILL.
Hmmm. Yeah, I can see what you mean.

JACK.
The readings are going off the scale, now. Can you sense it.

BILL. SIPS TEA AND BITES ON A SANDWICH. A ROMAN LEGION MARCHES THROUGH. HE STEPS AWAY TO LET THEM PASS.
Yep, they're there. Carefull. BILL SHOUTS AS A FIGURE KNOCKS HIS SANDWICH FROM HIS HAND. Bloody things.

JACK.
Have you always been able to see spirits?

BILL.
Yeah, they get on my bloody nerves. A PICTURE FLIES ACROSS THE ROOM. Slinging things around and making a mess.

JACK.
And you never get frightened?

BILL.
Nah, never. Bloody things MUTTERS UNDER BREATH bloody things! I was in Afghanistan, I saw guts lying in a puddle. I went into the police and I've seen bloated bodies pulled out the river, kids murdered and that's on a good day. Why should I be afraid of something that's ...... a load of electricity, wind and .... piss?

JACK.
Hmm, lucky. Me?.... they still make me a bit nervous.

BILL GETS UP AND MOVES TOWARD A CUPBOARD. HE BECKONS JACK WHO FOLLOWS. BILL OPENS DOOR LETS OUT A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND RUNS.
BILL.
Spider, urrrggghh, spiderrrrrr. EXITS ROOM LEAVING JACK LAUGHING.

JACK.
Spider. LAUGHS. Fancy him being afraid of spider.

CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS SLIGHTLY TO SEE A MAN SIZED SPIDER LEG BEGIN TO EMERGE.

I think you've got two ideas in the one sketch - and they fight a little.

a) the bloke who can see ghosts in an everyday sort of way, and is blase about them (contrasting with all the 'gear' the other guy needs to even get a whiff of them) - there's fun to be had there.

b) the man who is frightened of nothing - seen it all - but seems to be scared of a spider - which it turns out he's right to be.

A great idea Marion. Made me think of the hysterical (in both senses of the word) 'Most Haunted'. You paint an evocative picture witch (pun intended) made me laugh. In deference to Lazzard's sage opinion, speaking personally it worked as is for me.

:D

More Sage & Onion, I like to think.

Quote: Lazzard @ September 12 2012, 6:07 PM BST

More Sage & Onion, I like to think.

There's a joke in there about stuffing Lazzard...... :D

Alas I'm too chicken.... :$

Quote: Nicky Liar @ September 12 2012, 6:20 PM BST

There's a joke in there about stuffing Lazzard...... :D

Beaten to it by Carry On Cleo, I'm afraid.

I quite liked the sketch, but didn't understand the title; I kept waiting for Little Miss Muffet to turn up Errr

Quote: gappy @ September 12 2012, 7:29 PM BST

Beaten to it by Carry On Cleo, I'm afraid.

I quite liked the sketch, but didn't understand the title; I kept waiting for Little Miss Muffet to turn up Errr

Ah, now there's interesting. I did wonder whether anyone would get the connection.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a Tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider ..... thinking on it, maybe I should have had the psychic as a woman?? It would have been a bit much to have called her Miss Muffet.

This sketch doesn't really work for me for a few reasons:-

1) If Bill and Jack are there to look for ghostly presences why has Bill not already told Jack he can see ghosts? Would have saved lugging the equipment in there for a start.

2) The dialogue seems a little unrealistic TBH

3) Agree with Lazzard that the two ideas clash

I did however, enjoy the spider punchline (as in the spider being a monster-spider not just an ordinary spider). I think this would be well worth a re-write, cutting out the clashing 'seeing ghosts' bit and thinking in more simple terms of establishing that one ghost-hunter is scared, and the other is hard before the spider incident.

Yeah I agree. I think just the idea of the two guys is more workable without the ghosts.
Liked the title idea also.
Cool
J