A little sketch that popped into my head this morning. All comments welcome.
1.EXT. DAY - TWO UNIFORMED MALE POLICE OFFICERS ARE OUTSIDE A LARGE SUBURBAN HOUSE ABOUT TO RING THE BELL. SGT JACKSON, AN OLD SWEAT, IS CALMING DOWN PC KEANE WHO IS VERY NERVOUS
SGT JACKSON
Don't worry KEANY, It's first day nerves. When we speak to Mrs Mason I'll take the lead and you just note everything down in your pocket book. Later on we'll compare notes to see how you got on. OK.
PC KEANE NODS SILENTLY, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND RINGS THE BELL. THE DOOR IS ANSWERED BY MRS MASON WHO IS AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN HER EARLY 40's WHO IS MODESTLY BUT NICELY DRESSED AND IS NON-FLIRTATIOUS.
SGT JACKSON
Morning Mrs Mason. Sgt Jackson, PC Keane from Fullbridge Police Station.
FADE
2.INT. - ALL THREE ARE SAT IN THE LOUNGE. PC JACKSON IS SITTING ON THE SOFA NEXT TO MRS MASON. HE HAS HIS TIE OFF AND IS VERY COMFORTABLE . PC KEANE IS SAT UPRIGHT AND UPTIGHT IN AN ARMCHAIR, POCKET BOOK IN HAND. A COFFE TABLE IN FRONT OF THE SOFA HAS CUPS OF TEA ETC. ON IT.
SGT JACKSON (TAKING OUT HIS POCKET BOOK VERY CASUALLY)
I believe you have a neighbour dispute Mrs Mason?
Mrs MASON
Yes sergeant. My Neighbours are a nightmare. Last Friday........
REPEATED FADE IN AND OUT AS MRS MASON TELLS HER TALE OF WOE REFERING TO A LARGE RED DESK DIARY WHICH SHE FLICKS THROUGH. ALL THE TIME PC KEANE IS MAKING COPIUS NOTE WHILE SGT JACKSON DOES ALL THE TALKING JOTTING THE ODD THING DOWN. EVENTUALLY THEY FINISH.
SGT JACKSON
You leave it with us Mrs Mason. We'll make a few enquiries and get back to you . Any further problems just ring the station and ask for one of us.
MRS MASON PICKS UP THE RED DESK DIARY.
MRS MASON (OUTLOUD AS SHE WRITES TO HERSELF)
'SGT JACKSON AND CONSTABLE KEANE'. Thank you both.
PC JACKSON WAVES NERVOUSLY AND THE OFFICERS LEAVE.
3.INT. DAY POLICE CANTEEN. SGT JACKSON IS SAT AT A TABLE TALKING TO SGT SCOTT WHO IS OLD AND WORLDLY WISE. PC JACKSON IS IN THE QUEUE WAITING TO PAY FOR TWO CUPS OF TEA.
SGT SCOTT (NODDING OVER TOWARDS PC KEANE)
How's young fella doing JACKO.
SGT JACKSON (AS HE TAKES HIS AND PC KEANE'S POCKET BOOKS OUT OF HIS POCKET AND PUTS THEM SIDE BY SIDE ON THE TABLE - JACKSON'S IS OLD AND FRAYED, PC KEANE'S IS BRAND NEW)
I'm not really sure he's got what it takes Bill. 45 minutes of writing and this is it.
CUT TO:
SGT JACKSON FLIPS OPEN PC KEANE'S BOOK TO SHOW A STICK DRAWING OF MRS MASON NAKED WITH ENORMOUS BREASTS IN BED WITH PC JACKSON WITH HIS HELMET ON. BOTH ARE SMILING AND SMOKING.
SGT SCOTT (SPITTING OUT HIS TEA)
Bloody Hell, what the frig is that meant to be?
BOTH SERGEANTS LOOK OVER TO PC KEANE WHO GIVES THEM A LITTLE SMILE AND A WAVE.
SGT JACKSON
I wasn't expecting perfection but I thought he would have got somewhere near my notes.
SGT SCOTT (WINKING KNOWINGLY TO SGT JACKSON)
You were trained by the best lad. This must be some new training school bollocks.
SGT SCOTT PICKS UP SGT JACKSON'S POCKET BOOK AND FLICKS THROUGH IT TO HIMSELF MAKING APPROVING NODS AND GESTURES.
SGT SCOTT
Detailed, relevant and succinct, just as I would expect Jacko.
SGT JACKSON LOOKS HUMBLE AS SGT SCOTT PLACES THE OPEN BOOK NEXT TO PC KEANE'S ON THE TABLE. WE SEE THAT SGT JACKSON HAS DRAWN A SERIES OF INTRICATE PICTURES OF HIM AND MRS MASON IN VARIOUS SEXUAL POSITIONS.
SGT SCOTT PATS SGT JACKSON ON THE BACK AS THEY LOOK OVER TO PC KEANE WITH A SIGHS AND DISSAPROVING NODS.
4.INT. DAY - MRS MASON'S LOUNGE. MRS MASON IS SAT ON THE SOFA ON A CORDLESS PHONE. WE CAN'T HEAR THE OTHER PERSON.
MRS MASON
Hello, is that Fullbridge Station? I'm trying to get hold of a PC KEANE or a Sergeant..... Sorry, bear with me.
MRS MASON PUTS DOWN THE PHONE OPENS THE RED DESK DIARY NEXT TO HER AND FLICKS THROUGH PAGES OF WRITING AND PLACES THE BOOK OPEN ON THE COFFEE TABLE. WE SEE A 'CENTRE SPREAD' OF EROTIC ROMANTIC DRAWINGS (X-RATED MILLS AND BOON COVERS) OF HER AND BOTH SGT JACKSON AND PC KEANE ENGAGED IN THREE-WAY SEX.
MRS MASON (Cont. PICKING UP THE PHONE)
Jackson, Sergeant JACKSON.
ENDS.
