I've just recently started messing around writing a few of my own sketches for radio - this is the first one I did, based on an idea for a reoccuring character. As is the way, it suddenly seems pretty weak in the cold light of a public forum but I'd be grateful for any feedback.

Vet

VOICEOVER:
Meanwhile, at the St John’s Veterinary practise in Linlithgow…

SCENE 1:

(animal sounds)

RECEPTIONIST:
You and Snuffles can go through now, Mrs Holland.

MRS HOLLAND:
Thank you.

SCENE 2:

(door opening)

VET (Male Voice):
Come in, come in.

MRS HOLLAND:
Hello. I’m so glad I could get an appointment at such short notice…

VET:
Yes, well, first things first.

(sound of paper shuffling)

Now, let me see… So. Why is that you think you would make a good candidate for the Conservative Party of Kirkauldy and Cowdenbeath?

MRS HOLLAND:
What? Sorry, what?

VET:
Why is that you think you would make a good Tory candidate?

MRS HOLLAND:
I’m sorry, I’m here for Snuffles (dog whimpers)… his swollen paw?

VET:
Oh God, yes. Yes, I see. Of course, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry.

MRS HOLLAND:
No, no, that’s okay. It's just I'm really rather worried about him...

VET:
Right Mr Snaffles, let’s get a look at you.

(Pause. Dog whimpers,)

Now, can I just ask you a few questions, Mrs Holland?

MRS HOLLAND:
Yes, certainly…

VET:
This is a bit delicate, but… is there anything in your personal life, in your past, that might cause embarrassment to the Tory Party?

MRS HOLLAND:
What?

VET:
Is there anything in your personal life, in your past, that might cause embarrassment to the Party?

MRS HOLLAND:
I’m not here for that, I’m here about my dog.

VET:
Oh yes, yes, of course! Of course! I’m mortified. Terribly sorry. So silly of me.

MRS HOLLAND:
It’s alright.

VET:
So, Snarfo’s little paw. Let me see. Yes, it appears to be a bee sting.

MRS HOLLAND:
Oh, I thought it would be something like that. He’s always chasing after bees and wasps. I do try to stop him!

VET:
Well, it’s very easily treated. (sound of packet opening) We’ll just apply an anti-histamine and… there we are… Good boy. Now… what’s your policy on single mothers? Should they be locked away?

MRS HOLLAND:
Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about but…

VET:
Sorry, so sorry. My mistake. I’m absolutely wild with embarrassment. Say no more. Now, little Snarfo. That paw should heal up nicely. He just needs some rest, not too much running around...

MRS HOLLAND:
Thank you so much. I just get so worried about him. Since the kids left, it’s a little silly really but he’s like a baby to me -

VET:
Immigration! Stop it immediately or introduce a tagging system – ?

MRS HOLLAND:
Right, this is ridiculous. Come on Snuffles. (dog whimpers as he’s picked up). I’m not going to be mocked! (sound of door opening then slamming)

VET:
Well! Excellent candidate. Excellent. In fact, the best we’ve had yet. Wouldn’t you say Mr Fripps?

Mr Fripps: (whistling, squeaking, clanger-like sound)

Er, wheres the punchline? I kept thinking that it would be something to do with vetting of candidates but it never came. Unless this is part of a longer piece i'm afraid i don't get it. I understand that the tories are idiots but why is he a vet? Its 1 in the mornig so maybe my brain isn't functioning.

Any way, constructive criticism, if the vet is a sort of schizophrenic then you should make his personalities more extreme. e.g. his vet side more professional and his tory side more loony. Having said that the tory things been done, Little Britain, Harry Enfield, Rik Mayall etc. Also add a punchline like the vetting one i thought was coming and maybe trim it abit. Mr Fripps is either superfluous or the greatest comic character ever created I don't know but I would drop that bit.

I loved the opening but after a couple of lines I realised I was expecting a different sketch. I'd thought that the dog was being vetted to be a Tory candidate. Now that's satire.

I agree with AJP's comments in general. It isn't really clear what the point is. But I really would like to see a sketch about dogs becoming parliamentary candidates, please somebody...