A History of Gingers

An historical lesson

SCENE 1. EXT.-DAY

SIMON SCHIMA IS STANDING BY AN ANCIENT RUIN. HE TALKS INTO THE CAMERA

SIMON SCHIMA:
Ten thousand years in Europe there was a titanic battle between two types of Humans, the normals and the gingers. The outcome of this struggle would decide the future of all mankind.

CREDITS. SIMON SCHIMA IS NOW IN A CAVE LOOKING A CAVE PAINTING

SIMON SCHIMA:
At the beginning of civilisation there was a clash of immense importance. At this time the gingers was the most dominant and well endowed of all humans. Unfortunately the ginger gene was recessive and as their population shrunk the normals, the blonds, the brunettes and the blacks ganged up on the gingers forcing the entire population out of mainland Europe to the British Isles.

SIMON SCHIMA IS NOW STANDING IN A ROMAN BATH.

SIMON SCHIMA:
The rise of the Roman Empire lead to the first Ginger Genocide as the Romans could not stand the sight of red hair. Their Latin blood would rise and they turned savagely violent. Again the Gingers were forced to the black holes of civilised society, Wales, Scotland and Ireland.

SIMON SCHIMA IS IN A MUSEUM

SIMON SCHIMA:
The persecution of the gingers continued throughout the Middle Ages and with the subjugation of Wales, Scotland and Ireland by England, gingers were forced to integrate with British society while facing daily prejudice. It is about this time that in England the word Ging-er was coined. For years this word has been used to insult and degrade gingers and not a lot has changed. For a short time during the Victorian era it was considered fashionable to have a ginger man servant in your household but this did not last long. During World War I gingers were drafted to fight along side normals however they were put in separate units. World War II saw a greater threat to the gingers as the Nazis wanted to kill all gingers as they did not have blond hair or blue eyes.

CUT TO A MAN BEING INTERVIEWED. ON THE SCREEN ARE THE WORDS GINGER SURVIVOR

SURVIVOR:
I am ashamed to say I did dye my hair but I thought f**k it I don’t want to die just because of the colour of my hair.

CUT BACK TO SIMON SCHIMA

SIMON SCHIMA:
During the sixties for a short time there was acceptance among British youth largely as most subscribed to the goals of the Civil Rights movement. By this time in America gingerism had largely disappeared and gingers were even able to join the police force

CUT TO TWO SOUTHERN COPS BEATING UP A BLACK MAN. ONE IS GINGER

POLICE MAN:
Kick him again Red

CUT BACK TO SIMON SCHIMA

SIMON SCHIMA:
Gingerism in the UK kept growing though despite the efforts of the young. It was rife in schools during the eighties in both public schools

CUT TO A PUBLIC SHOOL. TWO KIDS ARE BEATIN UP A GINGER KID

SIMON SCHIMA
And private school.

CUT TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL. A KID IS BUMMING ANOTHER KID

KID 1:
What about him

POINTS TO A GINGER KID

KID 2:
I’m not bumming him he’s ginger.

SIMON SHIMA:
Even the rise of politically correct alternative comedy did not improve the lot of gingers.

CUT TO AN ALTERNATIVE COMEDIAN

ALTERNATIVE COMEDIAN:
Why did the woman have two black eyes? Because society did not listen the first time. But those gingers man they smell don’t they. I think if a ginger moved next to me I’d have to move.

CUT BACK TO SIMON SCHIMA

SIMON SCHIMA:
This in turn lead to alternative alternative comedians who were larely ginger.

CUT TO CHRIS LOCK

CHRIS LOCK:
Whos more racist, Normal people or Ginger people? Gingers cause we hate ourselves aswell as normal people. We’v got Gingers and Ging-ers, man I hate f**king ging-ers. You can’t do nothing when ging-ers are around. Man I f**king hate them.

CUT TO SIMON SCHIMA

SIMON SCHIMA:
But this comedy had a real social message.

CHRIS LOCK IS BEING INTERVIEWED

CHRIS LOCK:
You see if you swap the g and n in ginger what do you get? We’re the white man’s gigner.

CUT TO SIMON SCHIMA IN A CHURCH.

SIMON SCHIMA:
Gingers have come a long way in society. There are still barriers. Mixed marrages are fround upon and a ginger can never be the monarch. But why is the history of these people so important to me? Because…

SIMON SCHIMA TAKES OF HIS WIG TO REVEAL GINGER HAIR.

SIMON SCHIMA:
...it’s the history of my people.

CUT TO:

I didn't really find it funny. I'm ok political incorrectness if it's clever but this was just taking a way of offending someone (e.g. saying someone stinks) and then applying it to ginger people. It was too long as well, especially since it was the same joke all the way through. Sorry, it just didn't make me smile.

Well this was meant to be lampooning socalled social advances while stating that in some areas we still have the mind set of cavemen, its different so we have to take the piss.
It didn't make you laugh, fair enough, but i think it has some funny moments. If you think it offends ginger people i think you missed the point.

i looked at this from a comedy point of veiw, not if it offends ginger haired people or any other point (to sum up, i read it as comedy, not as a peice making a point), i read it expecting it to make me laugh, or smile but it failed apart from one time where i did think "thats quite good", it was to long and after a while it got boring, i kept reading it expecting it to have a big ending but this one failed to float my boat, i see your point about a few people having the mind set of cavemen but from a comedy point of view this failed to make me laugh, but that could be just my opinion after all we all have diferent tastes in comedy.

Its weird because when I do it as a stand up routine it gets alot of laughs. Maybe its the way I tell it. I don't know. It just goes to show that stand up doesn't always translate into good sketches. Thanks for the comments, cutting through the bullshit really helps even if I sometimes act like it doesn't.

I didn't actually find it offensive and I'm sure ginger people wouldn't either, I'm sure everyone would understand it's meant to be a joke. What I meant was that the route was taking something which is usually used to offend someone then applying it.

Hi AJP. I can see why it works better as a physical, visual piece of stand up. As a sketch on its own it appears to take too much pleasure in offensive stereotypes, so politically it doesn't sit right but that's just how I feel.I do think it's an effective piece of comedy, though. Anything lampooning Simon Schama has to be good!

I'd amend to, anything HARPOONING Simon Schama has to be good. AJP - anyone with that avatar can do no wrong. I'll have to get to see your stand-up. Do you do Wales?

AJP, I will have to go against the grain here I found it quite good, I could imagine this been performed quite well, possibly a few things could be re writen but nothing dramatic.