Hi all,
Have always wanted to do stand up even if it is just once just to say I have done it but not sure where to begin have a few jokes but nowhere near enough to make a routine am struggling to write jokes as I don't have enough time just need some guidance from anyone who has done it before. I'm 16 y.o from plymouth please help
Sam
Go here and read this 
Thanks but that doesn't really help with writing any jokes I don't really know how to write a joke the things I have now are just kind of observations! 
OH, you mean 'from scratch' actually writing the jokes. Google 'joke theory'- there are a billion online articled explaining how joke formation works like lists, one liners, pull back and reveal. There are a billion books on the subject too!
Here's a short article from Richard Herring on how to write a joke. It is only short though.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/22/comedy
Just do some googling and you will bring up plenty of results. and good luck!
Oooh and just to pick up on something- you say you don't have time to write jokes. That's a major problem if you want to do standup as you only get good by doing two things: writing and performing. Both of which take up a big chunk of time. I would really recommend thinking about what time you can put into it. Even if you're only doing it as a hobby, you'd be surprised how much of your free time is eaten up!
watch load of stand up, both on TV and live.
what do you like in life? what makes you laugh? what do you find ridiculous in life? in your own life?
stuff like that helps to write gags
good luck.
Thanks
I am a comedy writer, but I don't think I've ever intentionally written a joke from scratch. If you can't start a sentence or story and then turn it into a joke (some failure of course is acceptable), then you probably aren't very good at writing jokes.
Well there's 7 basic forms of joke of which I can only remember about 3.
e.g.
1 twisted expectation
My dog has no nose How does he smell? Disgusting
By mentioning the nose we're expecting one meaning of the word smell, but infact we get the other (which is related to another feature of dogs that they smell).
Similary I was on a course of antibiotics, didn't learn anything.
Incidentally these are also examples of course of double entres words with 2 meanings. e.g. raw/roar or hoe/ho (laugh)/ho (prostitute).
Another type of this joke is the list of 3. That is 1 joke establishes an idea, the second maintains and the 3rd subverts so for example.
There's 3 ways to do your taxes, the right way, the wrong way and the 7 years in Strangeways (also note how the use of a similar word "ways" helps maintain the structure)
Type 2
Exageration. Just what it says, so for example.
My mother in law is so fat her blood type is ragu.
Type 3
Puns just words that sound similar or have similar meanings.
When I want to defrost my chops I waggle my little finger at them, it's a microwave
What sings the blues and sends email Chuck Blackberry.
But when writing your own it's often best to start with the observation or punchline and work backwards.
or
Start with a question and answer it. ie "my dads so mean he...."
Then if writing things for standup just expand and mix it into a narrative.
Why does everyone use the "my dog has no nose" joke as an example?
A lot of jokes are basically two separate ideas brought together for comedic purposes, for instance I've written this joke;
BNP leader Nick Griffin was pelted with eggs yesterday, the most annoying thing for him was that they hadn't separated the whites.
Now this brings together two ideas, firstly a news story I'd heard where Nick Griffin had been pelted with eggs and then I thought about eggs to see if there was anything related to them which could act as the punchline.
If I was writing it again I might put "Nick Griffin" on a blank page and then write down everything I could think of relating to eggs, e.g. yolk, dozen, albumen, white, shell, etc, etc.
Then it's just a case of looking at the two and making a connection, in this case, egg whites and Nick Griffin being a white supremacist.
If you do this for long enough eventually these sort of connections become obvious all the time (in fact if you're not careful you end up with a weird joke vision where you start seeing jokes in everything, not good when you're trying to be serious or at a funeral...)
Of course the thing that makes a good joke so hard to get in my opinion is one is expecting the audience to think through a process. It's the thinking that makes the joke amusing.
Hence
Who's the chubbiest superhero? Fatman!
Isn't very funny the leap from bat to fat takes too little thought.
Where as one of my succesful gags is,
Stella, because the wife won't beat herself.
Requires a number of thoughts; e.g. it's using cliched advert speak, Stella makes men violent, that violence can be seen in an ironic domestic duty manner.
Quote: Tony Cowards @ February 8 2011, 10:22 AM GMTBNP leader Nick Griffin was pelted with eggs yesterday, the most annoying thing for him was that they hadn't separated the whites.
Isn't a Griffin a hybrid of two different types of animal? I'd have thought a name change might be in order given the BNP's stance on that sort of thing.
I done a joke!
Quote: David Bussell @ February 8 2011, 11:05 AM GMTIsn't a Griffin a hybrid of two different types of animal? I'd have thought a name change might be in order given the BNP's stance on that sort of thing.
I done a joke!
Indeed you did Mr B and again by putting two different ideas together, 1) that a Griffin is an animal made up of different species and 2) that the BNP is against mixed marriages/heritage/multiculturalism.
Yeh Harry Potter got banned from Hogwarts for inviting racsists.
It's not his fault Nick always used the Griffin door.
I doubt that counts as much of a joke.