This is a sketch show i'm writing for radio.
SCENE 1. INTRODUCTION
NARRATOR:
Life is a wonderful yet short state of being however you can't have life unless you also have death.
SCENE 2. AEROPLANE
JOE AND MARGERY ARE ON A PLANE
JOE:
It won’t be long now Margery, we should arrive in the Netherlands soon.
MARGERY:
Are you sure you sorted everything out, I would hate to think that we would be causing any unnecessary trouble
JOE:
Don’t worry; it’ll be fine I’ve sorted out all our papers. Everything is in order
CAPTAIN:
We are experiencing a bit of turbulence can you put on your seat belts
MARGERY:
I’m so happy we are going to do this together; I don’t think I could live on without you.
JOE:
Me too
F/X:A Massive Crash
CAPTAIN:
Can every one go back to their seats and adopt the crash position, we are going down.
REPORTER:
It appears that no one survived the crash and we are…hang on I think I see movement.
JOE AND MARGERY STUMBLE OUT OF THE WRECKAGE
REPORTER:
I don’t believe it there are two survivors, are you okay?
JOE:
What Happened?
REPORTER:
Your plane crashed and you two are the only survivors
JOE:
Oh bugger! We’re trying to get to the euthanasia clinic in Amsterdam, bollocks.
SCENE 3. NARRATION
NARRATOR:
Some entities enjoy death, Death himself has never had it so good however he is now coming to the end of the line.
SCENE 4. DEATH LIVES
DEATH IS ON HIS DEATH BED AND IS ABOUT TO PASS AWAY
DEATH:
You are a good apprentice Eric, once I pass you will become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
ERIC:
Genius. I can destroy the world
DEATH:
No Eric, it’s a figure of speech, it’s getting white, I’m going, going…
ERIC:
Gone, woohoo I’m death
DEATH HAS DIED AND THEREFORE HAS BECOME ALIVE.
DEATH:
Where am I?
IAN:
You’re in a supermarket mate, are you alright you look a bit pale.
DEATH:
Aha a supermarket, very good for business, BSE, Ecoli, food poisoning, yes an excellent place to spend my afterlife.
IAN:
Mate you look really ill
DEATH:
No, don’t touch me you’ll die, wait you didn’t die, I don’t recall meeting you before, is this heaven.
IAN:
Are you drunk, man you’re really thin
DEATH:This is earth? I’ve come alive because I was dead. Oh Crap I have to see Eric again.
SCENE 5. NARRATION
NARRATOR:
There are those who embrace death out of an ideological need to justify their existence.
SCENE 6. SUICIDE BOMBERS
TWO TERRORISTS ARE PLANNING AN ATTACK
ASIF:
Are we going to blow up the train
AHMED:
Asif we are going to blow up the train
F/X
OOR KICKED IN
POLICEMAN:
Police! Nobody move
ASIF AND AHMED ARE IN A COURT
JUGDE:
So your defence is that you were being sarcastic
DEFECNCE LAWYER:
Yes, your honour. If you listen to the recordings you can quite clearly hear that the defendants were being sarcastic
RECORDING AHMED:
As if we are going to blow up the train
DEFENCE LAWYER:
AS IF we are going to blow up the train. Ahmed was indicating, through sarcasm that they weren’t going to perform any such act.
JUDGE:
Well I’m convinced. Let them go.
SCENE 7. NARRATION
NARRATOR:
Men are largely responsible for causing death. In the history of Earth women are recognised as being peace makers with the exception of Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Boudicia, Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth II, Queen Victoria and Margaret Thatcher. In fact women have only been responsible for death and destruction when they have been given power which is thankfully not often.
SCENE 8. FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT
PRESIDENT WINTON:
Go to death con 3
GENERAL:
Excuse me, Madame President
PRESIDENT WINTON:
Russia is about to attack
GENERAL:
How do you know, you just got off the phone with the Russians. What did they say?
PRESIDENT WINTON:
Its not what the said its how they said it.
GENERAL:
How did they say it?
PRESIDENT WINTON:
It’s the tone of voice they used; now go to death con 3
GENERAL:
Ma’am, I’ve fought in Viet Nam, Iraq and have fory five years experience I can not go to death con 3 without solid evidence of a clear and present danger
PRESIDENT WINTON:
General, in your forty five years have you ever won an argument with a woman.
GENERAL:
Go to death con 3.