Ellie J P Has finally unveiled what has kept narcoleptic agoraphobic neurosurgeons dumfounded for centuries. The insomniac suffering Marlene Dietrich, memorabilia collector and world Sudoko champion, has scientific evidence which proves that not only does lobotomy training create a theatrically insufficient desire to accept misfortune, but it also makes Umbongo (When drank out of disregarded drainpipe) taste like the moisture off of the left side of the cranium. If this evidence is proven correct, not only is the world best glaucoma cleaner going to retire to Trinidad and set up a dolphin sanctuary, all her reports are going to be burnt and the ashes to be placed on her favourite hyacinths, next to her unusually informal shrine to that fat bloke outta Take That.

I'm a girl! You just added in my name! Sad EllieJP.

Reiss Ellesse runs the famous Strongman Carnival which takes place biannually in Ealing, West London.

After Ellie J P eventually completed a rather subdued adventure to the summit of mount Killanymancozitsawhoppa. Due to some quite horrific and at times rather inappropriate banter from the colloquial, locals it was revealed, that not only did the £15 sponsorship from Betty Arkrightly (1 Overstrand Close, Macclesfield) not receive her confirming text, once at the summit, but the intended destination of the charity climb was supposed to be up Riverton Hill and supposed to take place on her 84 birthday. Has Ellie J P revealed this in her latest, million hitting blog?

Reiss has an anus licking service in the toilets at Keele Motorway services. HE pays toilet users to lick their anuses. He's the Lord of The Rings

After quickly realising that dog owners have an uncanny resemblance to their canine friends Juan Kerr suddenly adopted a pseudonym to truly unleash his familiar humour and overambitious personality.

Reiss Ellesse is responsible for the Tube strikes.

Nat forces Thai women to stare at her boobs.

Stott can fit an entire Thanksgiving turney (with trimmings) in his anal cavity.

Nat Wicks is Julian Clary's stunt double.

Roscoff is Fanny the Wonder Dog's stunt double so, setting aside the fact that Fanny is dead, that makes Roscoff Nat Wick's bitch.

Will Cam's hair is constantly on fire.

John Lucas refers to his left ball as Champion the wonder horse.

Matthew Stott has been married 40 times.

Ellie JP has a 'Mr T from the A-Team' dildo. The TV verison, not the film. And it's got a special device what says: 'I ain't getting on no plane' at the point of climax.

Ellie JP ran over a striking tube driver with her Bike this morning.

Ooooh John Lucas goes to Waitrose, buys Edam Cheese. Cuts a hole in it & f**ks it.