A few one-liners

You know what, treating your girlfriend well has benefits, the other day for instance she asked me if I was ready to have sex. I said I was positive. It wasn't until later that I clarified that I meant with HIV.

She is all about women having equal rights to men, and doesn't understand why she can't be a catholic priest. I keep telling her that they'd be much more inclined to let her if she would just get rid of her turban.

Muslim suicide bombers do what they do because they believe that by killing themselves in the name of Islam that when they die and go to Heaven they will be welcomed by 72 virgins, or to put it differently, a large proportion of suicide bombers are paedophiles.

I wouldn't mind being welsh, except the sleeping problem. Everytime you try and count sheep you get horny.

I'm actually from London, and growing up there is tough. I learned that to get by you have to be hard. Though that might just be my area. I live in the red light district.

Quote: Dan Carpenter @ August 24 2009, 6:45 PM BST

She is all about women having equal rights to men, and doesn't understand why she can't be a catholic priest. I keep telling her that they'd be much more inclined to let her if she would just get rid of her turban.

I laughed at that one. Mainly because the idea of a woman wearing a turban is visually quite funny.

Quote: Dan Carpenter @ August 24 2009, 6:45 PM BST

You know what, treating your girlfriend well has benefits, the other day for

Mr Carpenter. Would work? Not sure. Truth in comedy. Do you believe what you are saying? If it is a character based stand up like the pub landlord... this sort of stuff might be usable, maybe. But for me it's a no.

But welcome! Wave

Dan - you need to cut out all the excess words and get to the punchline quicker. The best one-liners are very direct and succinct.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ August 24 2009, 9:01 PM BST

Dan - cut excess words.

Turban gag is best, Dan. Others predictable because of their length. Trim them down for better effect.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ August 24 2009, 9:01 PM BST

Dan - you need to cut out all the excess words and get to the punchline quicker. The best one-liners are very direct and succinct.

Best bit of feedback I've seen for a while - you're not getting my job dolly so back off!

Agree with all said & turban joke is a darn good 'un

Hi Dan, welcome to the forums.

I'm not keen on the HIV joke, but I'm quite sensitive so don't take my word for it.

I do like the turban and sheep jokes though ;)

Thanks for replies. Thanks for the constructive criticism, I think they definitely do need trimming down