I'd appreciate peoples thoughs on these 2 ta...

Sell your soul part 1

F/X:KNOCK ON DOOR, THEN SOUND OF THE DOOR OPENING
HYDE:Hello.
DEVIL:Hi, how are you? Lovely day isn’t it?
HYDE:Are you trying to sell me something?
DEVIL:Not at all, not at all, quite the opposite in fact. I was wondering if you had anything for me. Do you by any chance, have any souls for sale?
HYDEorry?
DEVIL:I was wondering if you had any souls that you might have going spare that I could buy off you. How’s your soul sir?
HYDE: I’m sorry, do I know you?
DEVIL: I apologize. Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m Lucifer. You’ve probably heard of me. I’m here representing Hell today. Here’s my identification. You really do have to be careful these days don’t you?
HYDE:Lucifer?
DEVIL:You know, Satan? Hmm? Old Nick? Hmm? Horns and little hoofs and all that? I’ve got brogues on today so you can’t see them, but trust me they’re there. Usually has a little pitch fork
HYDE:Yes, yes, I see the em, the em, little horns now. Er, am I dead?
DEVIL:God forbid no. Hold on, can I say that? Ha ha just kidding, we’re always making little jokes in Hell. No sir, your not dead. Basically I’m going round all the house’s in the area, chatting to a few people, and wondering if you’d be interested in signing up to our new scheme.
HYDEcheme?
DEVIL:Yes for this week only we’re offering a package whereby you can exchange your, or any of your families, soul, or souls, for a life time of wealth and decadence.
HYDE:Is there a catch?
DEVIL:Well, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t any small print. There will be eternal damnation for the person who’s soul I do purchase, yes.
HYDE:Well, I must admit, I’m quite surprised you need to go round knocking on peoples doors trying to buy second hand souls. I thought you’d be doing a roaring trade down there.
DEVIL:A common misconception sir, but we’ve fallen on some hard times. In recent years we’ve had to be very proactive in our approach to recruiting The Damned.
HYDE:That does surprise me.
DEVIL:Well I don’t want to play “the blame game” sir, but it is “everyone’s favourite’s” fault, you know, him upstairs. He’s been turning the screw on the small businessman for quite sometime. Each year he’s just constantly lowering the standards, you know, now he’s letting any f**ker in, if you’ll excuse my French. All we get left with is the dregs. It’s very much like the Tesco situation, there won’t be any room for entrepreneurs like me soon, you know, trying to set up my own little afterlife. It’s a crying shame.
HYDE:Is there nothing you can do?
DEVIL:Well, as I said, we’re taking matters into our own hands. We’ve got a team working the council estates round here, there’s about fifteen of us. Plus next month we’ve an outbound call centre opening in Blackpool, there’ll be 50 staff there.
HYDE:Working in a call centre in Blackpool. That sounds like Hell to me.
BOTH:Ha ha ha
DEVIL:Very good sir. So would you be interested at all?
HYDEorry, no, it’s been nice talking, but I’m really no interested. Good luck though.
DEVIL:That’s fine sir, pleased to meet you, but if you do change your mind…
HYDE:I won’t, but thank you, thanks, goodbye.
DEVILkay Sir, thank you. Goodbye.
F/XOUND OF DOOR CLOSING
DEVIL:Twat, that felt like a sale! These Brogues are f**king killing me hoofs.

And...

Sell your soul part 2

ALBRIGHTONkay then, I am alright to call you Satan aren’t I? You don’t want Prince of Darkness or anything do you?
DEVILatan’s fine, Satan’s fine. We’ve got a very relaxed set up.
ALBRIGHTONkay then, eh, Satan. Er, I think it’s a great idea, and I do want to go with you.
DEVIL:Great, that’s great.
ALBRIGHTON:Just one question. Er, reading through the small print of your soul contract here, I notice I can give up either my soul, or the soul of any of my family.
DEVIL:That’s correct.
ALBRIGHTON:It’s just, my daughters boyfriend isn’t actually a member of my family.
DEVIL:That’s not a problem, not a problem. You see, the term “family” in this contract covers a very broad spectrum, er, it covers, obviously, families, obviously, and er, spouses of, er at least 6 months so…
ALBRIGHTON:He’s only been seeing her 3 weeks.
DEVIL:That’s fine, that’s fine. If you just want to sign there and…
ALBRIGHTONINTERUPTING) This is all above board isn’t it, it’s just…
DEVILon’t worry about it sir, there’s really nothing to worry about. Honestly, we have a very strict company code, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise yours, or anyone else’s soul, you know. I get spot checks done on my deals you know, they’ve all got to be above board. And anyway, if anyone’s going to get into trouble it’s me, and you know, I’m Beelzebub, it’s water off a ducks back isn’t it?
ALBRIGHTON:I hear you, but I’m not sure now.
DEVIL:Just to run over the benefits again, you will get a life time of wealth and hedonism, in exchange for your daughters boyfriend soul. Basically he’s heading for a lot of shit. There’s a lot of bored demons down there, and they can get pretty imaginative when they’re bored I can tell you. All you need to do is sign there, and there.
ALBRIGHTONkay then, what have I got to lose?
DEVIL:Nothing tangible.
ALBRIGHTONign there, and there. There you go.
DEVIL:Wonderful. This forms mine, that’s yours.
ALBRIGHTONo, when does all the good stuff happen for me then?
DEVILorry?
ALBRIGHTON:You know all the good stuff you we’re on about. The money, young birds sucking me off and everything.
DEVIL:Er, yes, that’ll all start happening pretty soon. There’s a bit of admin to do first though, you understand. Oh, incidentally, if your daughter dumps this one and gets another, just give me a bell. My mobile’s on the form there.
ALBRIGHTON:That’s brilliant, I will do.
DEVIL:Bye then.
ALBRIGHTON:Bye!

Ha yeah nice one mate, I like the idea. I had another idea similar to that involving the two guards of the gates of hell making small talk with the damned.

It's got a very Python feel to it (not that that is a bad thing)... as I was reading through I was picturing John Cleese playing the part of the devil (in a similar tone to the organ donor sketch).

Quote: Ginger Jesus @ December 14, 2006, 7:32 PM

ALBRIGHTONkay then, what have I got to lose?
DEVIL:Nothing tangible.

View original

This is one of the best lines ever! hehehe

I thought both sketches were excellent. The first finishes better as I thought the second one sort of fizzles out and needs a twist/unexpected joke at the end. (Maybe something to do with interest repayments and the small print?)

With a bit of polishing I reckon they'd be submittable somewhere.

Dan

Very good, very Python-esque...I like them

Very good, I hate to agree with everyone but yes it does have a phython feel to it... you should be very proud of yourself

I see a sequal of god trying to get people to void there contracts or something. just a thought

I likked the concept but did think the first part particularly was a little over written and both, in my view, needed a stronger ending. There were several lines that made me laugh though, which is rare:

HYDE: Is there a catch?
DEVIL: Well, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t any small print.

...they're letting any f**ker in these days...

...nothing tangible...

All classics!

Cheers guys.

Regarding the way they fizzle out at the end, there are a couple of reasons for that. I posted a while ago about my idea for a sketch Show, I think some of you commented

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/305

These 2 sketches are to be a part of that. The idea is that the sketches all blend into each and "melt" from one to the next, there aren't any set defined lines between each sketch. I.E. Characters walking off into another sketch, people passing by and we follow them instead. This adhered to from the first sketch to the last. As a result I think the sketches don't need a punchline as much, or a "boom boom" at the end. It might work it might not.

Steve, when you say they are over written, I was wondering that myself, but I've found it difficult to reduce them. I like the banter between the characters in both sketches, and don't know how to shorten it. I'm new to writing really, so any methods or suggestions would be welcome.

Paul, I'm liking the idea of God going round the same estate as well, bad mouthing his rival. Maybe getting into trouble from trading standards or something ha ha ha.

Also, did anyone notice the relevant Rolling Stones lyrics in there??

Hmm, quite Pythonesque, yes. I'm not sure though. Didn't quite "work" for me. Seemed too long and bloated, and IMO not funny enough. The first one particularly felt really dead from about 60% through until the last line. Still, a good idea, and like swerytd says, some good lines.