Thought I'd jump on the JB bandwagon.
Dan
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Uncharismatic James Bond
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1. JAMES BOND WALKS UP TO THE BAR
JAMES:
Martini. Shaken, *not* stirred.
WAITER:
I'm a f**king cocktail waiter. You think I don't know how to make a martini? Idiot. And say 'please', you ignorant moron. Manners cost nothing.
THE WAITER SLAMS HIS MARTINI DOWN ON THE BAR. SOME OF IT SLOSHES OVER THE EDGE AND RUNS OVER THE SQUASHED OLIVE AND SPLINTERED COCKTAIL STICK.
2. JAMES WALKS UP TO A BEAUTIFUL AND ELEGANT WOMAN.
JAMES:
The name's Bond. James Bond.
THE WOMAN SHRUGS AND PULLS A 'WHATEVER' FACE.
JAMES:
I-I couldn't help notice that you were looking at me by the bar.
WOMAN:
Oh, I thought your raised eyebrow was an affliction.
A MAN IN A BURBERY CAP AND TRACKSUIT BOTTOMS TUCKED INTO HIS SOCKS SLIDES IN NEXT TO WOMAN AND PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER
MAN:
Awright darlin'!
WOMAN GIGGLES. JAMES SIGHS AND LOOKS INTO HIS PATHETIC MARTINI.
3. JAMES IS TIED TO A TABLE
JAMES:
You expect me to talk, Goldfinger?
GOLDFINGER:
No, Mr Bond (TURNS ON LASER CUTTER) I expect you to die.
JAMES:
(HYSTERICAL AND WRITHING USELESSLY) What you *doing*?!! That's gonna cut my knackers off! (SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, STARTS CRYING)
END
I think we should put all these together in a one off special.
