Hi Blekinsop

Sorry to return to the subject of your sketch ;-)

I think the 'say one for this, two for that, three for whatever' can be dealt with one of two ways:

(1) You use it once and then concentrate on all the other things that annoy about automated telephone answering services (ie the voice recognition thing on Odeon Filmline that doesn't understand my Yorkshire accent)
or
(2) You do it to death about everything and forego all the other jokes to really ram it home (select one to four about every single little thing in the sketch).

You've sort of done a combination of both as you use it twice and then make some other jokes whereas it seemed to me that you hadn't quite decided which way to go.

I like the concept a lot as it's quite original. I think the first three lines could be dropped and you could go straight in at the chair being pulled out.

One other thing: when Neville says 'I do not understand the response' you could re-list the options and then add 'Say zero to return to the main menu'.

I think it's worth rewriting despite your rejection as the potential is there.

Hope this helps.

Dan

Hi Swertd

Thanks for your thoughts and I agree that this could be tidied up and given a more specific slant one way or the other.

Glad you enjoyed the idea and concept.

Cheers

B

Just had a read through of the skecth and the comments. While agreeing that it could be pruned a touch, I'd say that on the whole the sketch works. OK, it can be and should be tightened but overall it centres on everybody's pet angst of automated phone lines. Perhaps it should be written as a running gag which would help in adding brevity without losing any of the humour. In fact i think it would add the missing link.

But to take this to a different level, I don't believe that mainstream tv actually caters for this kind of stuff anymore no matter how good. For example, last Friday, just a before 10.30, I turned over to Channel 4 and caught the end of the final sketch of a , well, sketch show. A bloke is driving a car and in the passenger seat was a cat - could have been a dog but I'm pretty sure it was a cat. There was a pause before the bloke turns to the cat and says "Why don't you f**k off!".

What I'm trying to get at is that these days, generally speaking, unless there's an offensive angle to a sketch it doesn't matter what any of us offer up by way of constructive opinion because nowadays it doesn't make an ounce worth of difference in getting a commission if ain't got the 'F' word in it.

Nevertheless, well done on coming up with a nice original take and a well thought out sketch.

Quote: Baumski @ November 30, 2006, 3:03 PM

But to take this to a different level, I don't believe that mainstream tv actually caters for this kind of stuff anymore no matter how good. For example, last Friday, just a before 10.30, I turned over to Channel 4 and caught the end of the final sketch of a , well, sketch show. A bloke is driving a car and in the passenger seat was a cat - could have been a dog but I'm pretty sure it was a cat. There was a pause before the bloke turns to the cat and says "Why don't you f**k off!".

View original

dear god friday night channel 4 is shit, i can imagine the meeting to decide and create that sketch went something like this.....

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - ok so i was thinking and shall we have a cat in the passenger seat of a car

ANOTHER TWAT - ok ok oh my god a cat in the passenger seat what are you on? i love it so then what happens, oh my god i can't wait

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - right the camera pans round and the drivers looking at the cat right, and he just tells it to f**k off

YET ANOTHER TWAT - oh my f**king god that is genius i mean a cat is told to f**k off, by a man in a car

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - yep i know i dont know how i came up with it i thought car cat and f**k off

YET ANOTHER TWAT - how f**king subversive the audience will be there wetting themselves at the shear unbelievable fact that a cat is in the front seat of a car anyway then boom f**k off

ANOTHER TWAT - i know how f**king twisted i mean how twisted is that this will f**k with peoples minds i mean a cat in a car what the hell was it doing there in the first place?? oh my god we have to make this

SOME TOTAL SHIT - let me get this straight a car going along then a cat sits there then a man tellls it to f**k off

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - yeah its a subversive statement against the whole car thing but with the twist of the cat and the f**k off

ABSOLUTE NONCE - so what do you say can we make it?

SOME TOTAL SHIT - is there room to put a nitendo ds logo inbetween the cats eyes?

TWAT - yeah

SOME TOTAL SHIT - then you can make your sketch

CHEERS GO UP FROM EVERY BLADDER FUCK IN THE ROOM AND 3000 CHILDREN IN AFRICA WEEP

DyingToLive - that was genius. Send it into to C4 and it'll create a weird time-inversion paradox where the follow-up sketch is them discussing your sketch. But C4 would probably reject it for a) not having enough F***s in it b) failing to understand sarcasm and c) not having a cat in it, even though it does get a mention.

Seriously, when our sketches were broadcast on ITV about a year back, the actors added F**ks all over it. I was cheesed off as all my family watched and i had to explain that it had been tinkered with.

Agreed. Genius. Very good, dtl. Very very good.

Hi Baumski,

Thanks for your comments about the sketch.

On the broader issue I have to say that I couldn't agree more.

I watch modern sketch shows and wonder what is going on. It seems to be that either people are lazy; trotting out the same gags and characters week after week, or else they try to be a bit off the wall (for off the wall read immature, lazy or else 9 times out of 10 just pure shit) and they think people will put up with this crud because some TV company is making the show and airing it.

To my mind this approach is borne from the same "snobbery" that values some chancer's totally red canvass called pretentious nonsense like "Red Study No. 4" at £10,000,000. It's as if the great painters Turner, Constable Etc. are boring now and we must have something different. Why? When more often than not the alternative is frequently sub-standard. The Emperor’s new clothes spring to mind.

If people must challenge the tried and tested and push the boundaries, then let’s have something worthwhile for f**k’s sake and not just juvenile cobblers. There are many examples of great comedy innovators over the past 30-40 years but the sketch show now seems to be terminally ill; being choked by sloppy, lazy and downright poor writing.

I suppose I am old enough to remember sketch shows that had a different set of characters and a different premise every sketch.

Personally I like to write sketches that have jokes in them and that will hopefully make people think, or heaven forbid, that may even be a bit clever or even worse still funny.

It seems though that those days have gone for now. So I suppose I'd be better to invent two characters who do and say much the same thing every week and who obviously swear quite a lot and who don't really do anything funny, but that doesn't matter because the canned laughter will tell the thick punters when to laugh anyway. Say, whenever the sheep gets its head chopped off or when the Vicar says “wanker or knob” or something equally hilarious

I am conscious now when I write something that it has an "old fashioned feel" compared to what is dished up on mainstream TV. Call it sour grapes perhaps but I know which I feel happier doing, although principles and ideals are not going to get me the Ferrari or Porsche.

Ho hum and here endeth the lesson my dear bretheren

Now that's a funny sketch, dyingtolive. Naming the characters JUMPED UP c4 COCK, SOME TOTAL SHIT and ABSOLUTE NONCE was a stroke of genius.

I don't suppose I have to add this but it's actually quite healthy to be part of a thread and make a point without being thought of as some sort of disgruntled, bitter and twisted old git. Sometimes, however, there are things that have to be said without anyone pointing the finger and suggesting that the only reason for saying anything at all is because: “You are a disgruntled, bitter and twisted old git”.

But I digress. A few years ago I was at the Beeb with a group of other writers hoping to learn how to get commissioned by the corporation. We had meetings with various heads of departments and an excellent video presentation from Geoffrey Perkins telling about all the do's and don'ts in becoming a successful comedy writer, and an excellent buffet lunch comprising of coffee, tea and Philadelphia bridge rolls garnished with diced peppers. So far so good. Then came the visitation of Bill Dare, he of the Dead Ringers production team to bugger the whole thing up.

After talking us through his version of all the do's and don'ts I asked how many non-commissioned writers he used on Dead Ringers and the answer was, er, none. Get it - he was there advising all of us on how to get commissioned and yet he never used any commissioned writers himself. The words ‘Patronising’ and ‘Git’ came to mind.

So what's the solution? Well, and this might be viewed as a bit radical but I think what would be really useful would be to invite someone from the BBC 'establishment' to BSG and justify their existance. Could be a good idea but then again that's never going to happen, is it Aaron?

Or will it.

Baumski - excellent suggestion.
Could you pull a coup like that Aaron?
Form an orderly queue, fellow writers, and Wheeler no bats with nails in it.

Quote: dyingtolive @ November 30, 2006, 5:31 PM

dear god friday night channel 4 is shit, i can imagine the meeting to decide and create that sketch went something like this.....

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - ok so i was thinking and shall we have a cat in the passenger seat of a car

ANOTHER TWAT - ok ok oh my god a cat in the passenger seat what are you on? i love it so then what happens, oh my god i can't wait

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - right the camera pans round and the drivers looking at the cat right, and he just tells it to f**k off

YET ANOTHER TWAT - oh my f**king god that is genius i mean a cat is told to f**k off, by a man in a car

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - yep i know i dont know how i came up with it i thought car cat and f**k off

YET ANOTHER TWAT - how f**king subversive the audience will be there wetting themselves at the shear unbelievable fact that a cat is in the front seat of a car anyway then boom f**k off

ANOTHER TWAT - i know how f**king twisted i mean how twisted is that this will f**k with peoples minds i mean a cat in a car what the hell was it doing there in the first place?? oh my god we have to make this

SOME TOTAL SHIT - let me get this straight a car going along then a cat sits there then a man tellls it to f**k off

JUMPED UP c4 COCK - yeah its a subversive statement against the whole car thing but with the twist of the cat and the f**k off

ABSOLUTE NONCE - so what do you say can we make it?

SOME TOTAL SHIT - is there room to put a nitendo ds logo inbetween the cats eyes?

TWAT - yeah

SOME TOTAL SHIT - then you can make your sketch

CHEERS GO UP FROM EVERY BLADDER FUCK IN THE ROOM AND 3000 CHILDREN IN AFRICA WEEP

View original

Dyingtolaugh - you should be on one of those "top 100" shows, you would definitley fit in. It is filled up with D list celebreties using the phrase "I could imagine being in the meeting when that idea was thought up...." before coming up with a really shit joke. Rob Deering is a expert as it

Quote: Mystergeneral @ December 1, 2006, 5:24 PM

Dyingtolaugh - you should be on one of those "top 100" shows, you would definitley fit in. It is filled up with D list celebreties using the phrase "I could imagine being in the meeting when that idea was thought up...." before coming up with a really shit joke. Rob Deering is a expert as it

View original

Rob Deering as an expert at shit jokes full stop.

But in regards to the suggestion from Baumski, I suppose it's always something we could try, but I wouldn't get your hopes up!