Staying down here in the basement for a while as it's all got a bit fruity up top.
Here's something I'm looking to put in the Sketch Comp.
Feel free to improve it so that I can win!!!

LIZ TRUSS'S BRITISH RESTAURANT

A man sits at a restaurant table, perusing a very thin menu.
Liz Truss arrives at the table, notebook in hand,

LIZ: Have you had a chance to read the menu, sir?

MAN: Didn't take long, but, yes. Now, the beef - is it locally sourced?

LIZ: Absolutely - chef pours it on in the kitchen - just yards from your table.

MAN: No I mean is it locally sourced - from a local farm?

LIZ: Not strictly speaking. It's from Australia. But I should warn you there is a bit of a wait.

MAN: How much of a wait?

LIZ: !5 years - but after that we'll be swimming in the stuff!

MAN: Some local lamb, then. I'm very keen to support the British farmer.

LIZ: Oh, well, that's easy - there's one over there, sleeping in the doorway of Dorothy Perkins. Give him a couple of quid and he'll regale you with tales of the Welsh Hill Farm he used to own.

MAN: How about the Coronation Chicken - is it fresh?

LIZ: Ah - sorry - that should read Chlorination Chicken - and it's always fresh. Positively glowing, in fact.

Liz can see that the man is losing his patience.

LIZ : It's not actually on the menu, but may I suggest sausages? We suddenly find ourselves with quite an excess.

MAN: I can have sausages any day of the week, thank you very much.

LIZ: Not in Belfast you can't.

The man soldiers on.

MAN: The asparagus - local, I hope?

LIZ: More local than the beef, that's for sure. It's from Peru.

MAN: But we're in the heart of asparagus country!

LIZ: I know, asparagus like telegraph poles as far as the eye can see. But can we find anyone to pick it?

MAN: Look, this is ridiculous - I've a train to catch. Perhaps I'll just skip straight to desert.

LIZ: Excellent! Might I suggest a little fresh fruit? Britain at its succulent best.

She hands a small piece of paper to the guest.

MAN: What's this?

LIZ: A map of the local fruit farms - help yourself, they've got piles of it. Literally. A sort of fruit pick and mix, if you will!

MAN: I hesitate to ask - but is there a cheeseboard?

LIZ: Absolutely there is, sir! It's not what you'd call over-run with cheese - but what we have is the finest.

A cheese board arrives boasting a piece of cheddar with a Union Jack stuck in it.

MAN: Is that it? Well at least it's local.

LIZ: Canadian, actually. That's the only flag we have. But it is lovely flag, wouldn't you agree, sir?

Liz Truss gives the flag a little stroke.

MAN: Right is there anything, anything at all, from round here, made on the premises?

Liz shouts towards the kitchen.

LIZ: Basket of French bread, table six!

Disturbingly accurate . You could mention she's waiting on the tables herself as she is having the same trouble as Weatherspoons i that she can't get the staff as English people all demand the minimum wage .

Yes I wondered whether I should include staffing issues- Gove serving tables maybe. Also had an idea that the place was empty because Pritti Patel was on the door and wouldn't let anyone in. It's rich territory, but in the end decided to focus on his food order.

I think Gove & Patel would be too much. Truss as the owner with no staff and the emphasis on the food works best for me as it stays with the realms of reality as opposed to the surreal that the other two would bring to the table if you pardon my pun.

You're right.
Need to try to find a way to address staffing issues that doesn't duplicate fruit-picking gag.

Get it out the way at the start, eg
Hello my names Liz thanks to Brexit I'll be your host, waiter and chef this evening. Have you managed to read the menu yet?

That might do it.
I'll have a crack.

Along those lines would work as a condensed intro is sort of expected given the complexity of the issue that you're covering .

I'm not sure whether workshopping skit comp entries is dastardly cheating or next-level genius.

Genius, obviously.
But it's entered in its original form, so justice will prevail.

Unless I come up with a better punchline.

Perhaps
"Yes you'll be glad to know that we don't do PC here either so you're free to choose between the Spotted Dick or the Jelly Tits.

Yes, was going to put something in about black truffles and "All truffles matter" - but decided I was in enough trouble already.

Go for it I could do with some company down here.