Tell us a joke Page 257

It's like walking through the mental ward....

My mother has learnt to walk and have sex. Just takes it on her stride.

Someone just said to me, 'Make less f**king jokes about the f**king Spice Girls you f**king boring f**king c**t.' I was shocked. Because it's 'fewer', not 'less'.

Helena Boneham Carter knows how to work with top producers. It's her middle name.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 12th May 2021, 9:51 AM

Helena Boneham Carter knows how to work with top producers. It's her middle name.

The trouble with that joke is that, actually, it's not.

People say the panto format is out of date. Oh no, it isn't.

To protect you from the Indian variant of covid, they have to inject it in your butt butt butt

What's the difference between covid and Mrs Thatcher? Thatcher couldn't close all the hospitals.

A friend of mine who was obsessed with he Monkees sadly passed away this week
So I sent his family Micky Dolenzes

I've been stealing Garden ornaments from my next door neighbour
(Who shall remain Gnomeless)

I told my daughter not to buy her naughty young son a phone.
Now he's tried to swallow it and got it stuck in his throat.
I'll ring his neck

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 17th May 2021, 12:33 AM

I've been stealing Garden ornaments from my next door neighbour
(Who shall remain Gnomeless)

I also saw you walking away with his garden gate. I was going to chase after you and confront you but was afraid you might take a fence.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 17th May 2021, 12:33 AM

A friend of mine who was obsessed with he Monkees sadly passed away this week
So I sent his family Micky Dolenzes)

That's awesome but I saw it on Facebook recently. However it's the kinda thing you could think up Independently.
I thought I could overcome my Beatles obsession. I should've known better.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 17th May 2021, 8:52 AM

I also saw you walking away with his garden gate. I was going to chase after you and confront you but was afraid you might take a fence.

I can't decide which field to pooh in, so I'm shitting on the fence.

Yes it was on my Facebook

I've been on Facebook so long. I need myspace.

Kathy Staff menstruating. Bloody Nora.