Show dedicated to me by every guy in London. How I Wet Your Mother.

Stolen off Facebook today.

A Texas man with two buckets of fish was leaving Galveston beach well known for its fishing and was stopped by a game warden. The warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to this beach and let them swim around for about a half-hour, When I whistle, they all come back, jump back into my buckets, and I take 'em home. We do this every night."
"That's a bunch of hooey," said the warden. "Fish can't do that!"
"No, really! says the man. "Here, I'll show you." And he releases the fish in the ocean.
"Well, I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man and the warden stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden huffs.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?"

Nice one - didn't see that coming........... (but have only just woken up)

Went to a blind prostitute. Didn't see it coming.

Why did One Direction cross the road? I don't know, but I'm f**king glad they did and f**ked off. They are total and utter f**king shit.

Open Mics are like masturbation. You need a tight five.

How many members of One Direction does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't give a f**k, just as long as they f**k off afterwards. They are shit.

- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- One Direction.
- F**k off then. You are shit.

Bono trying to locate his girlfriend's G-spot. 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for.'

I want to rob a sheep, i dont know why they dont have anything... They just give me BAAA'd vibes... Would be ironic though to see a sheep shanked...

What do you call a cross between Shakespeare and a sheep? The Baaaaaaaaaard.

Keep forgetting pedopop. Oops, I did it again...

A Spice girls related joke (or two) for you Michael

Ginger, Scary baby....
But despite that I still sometimes miss the last US president

I sent off for some nude photos of baby spice and got sent a picture of some Basil seeds

Do you know what POSH actually stands for, because she can't sit down in that Black dress

The joke's on you cos I still got a boner.
I have to go for a whole weekend without mentioning any Spice Girl. Scary!

What's got 96 legs, never bleeds and gives priests a boner? Non E' La Rai.