Tell us a joke Page 254

What do you call a Spaniard who can't locate his automobile? Carloss.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 11th March 2021, 1:36 PM

Harry and Meghan are in bed on their wedding night and he says, 'I'd like our first child to be named Seatbelt.'
'Why Seatbelt?' she asks.
'It's what my mother would have wanted.'

Oh no! That is terrible.

I like it but it'd be better with a pun - something that's a real name.

Mercedes Seatbelt?

My pretend childhood friend passed away the other day
Unfortunately his Will left nothing to my imagination

I knew a guy at uni who could pee at will. I loved it but Will wasn't so keen.

My imaginary friend is coming round tonight for a sleepover. I've made up a bed for her.

You never know who your friends are. Unless you're on Facebook, there's a list.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 11th March 2021, 9:58 PM

My pretend childhood friend passed away the other day
Unfortunately his Will left nothing to my imagination

I like it,

This isn't a joke, per se, but I literally just thought of it. When tabloid journalists say things like "Beyonce's outfit left little to the imagination", it implies that whenever they see a woman in an overcoat, or a surplice or a hazmat suit, they're just thinking "Wow, imagine what shape her knockers are!" Which is pretty unpleasant.

I thought I could overcome my Beatles obsession. I should've known better.

Lockdown is like anal. You go through a lot of shit.

In Breaking news...The Queen apologises as Meghan Markle is proven right, after pea found under mattress.

I don't know why people think that's so special. I've had a pea on my matress every morning.

If you stare at two bright spots on a black and white photograph for ten minutes and then avert your gaze to the ceiling - you need a f**king hobby.

Iv'e heard there is a cure now for dyslexia.
It's music to my arse