FAKING NEWS Page 6

47% of men are morbidly attracted to pornography because they feel alone and isolated and unable to form meaningful relationships in reality. The rest just like wanking.

At a New York auction a copy of William Shakespeare's First Folio has sold for a record £7.6m Questioned about the huge amount of money paid for a book the buyer said. "It wasn't a Bard price."

The Swedish giants Ikea are launching a scheme to buy back unwanted furniture, which could lead to familiar shouts around the stores of. "Where the fcuk does this go?

The RAF has relaxed rules allowing dreadlocks, braids and ponytails in attempt to recruit more diverse people. The Air Chief Marshall said. "The one the RAF really wants is the bouncing bun."

Corona virus isn't a disease being seeded by aliens from outer space.

It IS the Aliens.

The start of the new "firebreak" in Wales this week saw "NON- essential" items including clothes being covered up in stores. The First Minister of Wales Mark Drakeford has now ordered the entire covering up of Cardigan Bay.

The suit worn by Gene Kelly in the musical Singing in the Rain could fetch £115,000 at an auction in California. The water used in the film caused the woollen suit to shrink, which left Gene Kelly wishing he had worn drain pipe trousers.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has now widened his search for the Covid leak to the Welsh Government

NASA'S new 'MEGAROCKET' failed a critical test yesterday when the 'MEGABOTTLE' fell over just before launch

Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced the government will spend £16 billion on defence.
£10 billion will go to a Spanish businessman who will act as a go-between to supply the UK armed
forces with bayonets

The EU and Uk chief negotiators have stepped back from post-Brexit trade talks after a member of the EU team tested positive for Covid-19
The EU stepped back 2m but the UK are demanding they step back 6.56168 feet

Chinese spacecraft sets off on Moon sample quest to try to retrieve wok samples from the moon

The government has ordered 10,500 turkeys to be culled at a North Yorkshire farm after bird flu was confirmed. When asked will the Gobblings now come to an end before Christmas, a government spokesperson said "Oh no, rewarding Tory donors will still continue."

Covid-19 News
A party of 200 students at a Nottingham halls party was broken up by the police.
The band's lead singer Sting, screamed at the students. "Don't stand so close to me."

To combat misinformation spread by conspiracy theorists public health experts believe if the Royals receive the new Covid-19 vaccine it will encourage more people to take up the vital jab.
The UK people will now see the Royals take their jabs in the next series of The Crown a Netflix spokesperson said.