Coronavirus

According to reports today, a reasonable worst-case scenario would see 80% of the British population contracting the disease. Experts seem agreed that its effects increase in seriousness with the age of the patient and that babies and young children seem somehow to be almost immune.

If that's so, it seems likely that the younger element of BCG membership will very soon be peppering Newsjack with breaking news stories, good week - bad week jokes and hilarious sketches about the suffering and ultimate deaths of some of our older members. It'll be a bit grim and gruesome and not at all PC but it'll advance some people's embryonic writing careers and it'll make a pleasant change from the incessant rewordings of "Trump's a c***" and "Boris is a knobhead".

Facts about the disease's seriousness and the extent to which it's a national threat are few and far between but I've heard it said that an elderly person who gets it has a 10% chance of dying. That's worrying news unless, of course, one turns it on its head and says elderly sufferers have a 90% chance of survival. If you put it that way, the statistic becomes very nearly "uplifting".

I've got some tinned foods in my larder - mostly soups, so as long as the people running my Internet service and the people running Netflix don't all snuff it before I do, I expect the coming months of isolation to be relatively pleasant.

It would be reassuring if, during the forthcoming crisis, BCG members would continue to post simple messages to indicate their continued existence.

Perhaps, to add a bit of excitement, we could all put a few quid into some sort of central pot with the last man or woman standing collecting the lot?

It's just an idea.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 3rd March 2020, 1:07 PM

Facts about the disease's seriousness and the extent to which it's a national threat are few and far between but I've heard it said that an elderly person who gets it has a 10% chance of dying.

It's 15% for those 80 and older, so I'm concerned about my parents.

I'm mostly concerned about a massive economic downturn (almost inevitable), panic buying (likewise), and hospitals being overwhelmed with patients (a very likely scenario.)

Wash your hands frequently.
Don't touch your face/mouth/nose.
Don't touch other people.
Wear gloves.
Stay away from crowds.
Self-quarantine if you feel ill.
Have enough food/water/medicine to last for a couple of weeks indoors.
Don't panic.

I am in London today. I have seen one person wearing a face mask: the type of person I'd not be surprised to see wearing one anyway.

I'm just panicking about the panicking. People staying indoors, not coming to gigs etc.

I went to the theatre in London last week, the theatre in Brighton at the weekend and am going to the theatre in Windsor on Thursday. As well as staying overnight in the Travelodge, not knowing who had been in there immediately before me. All towns ! cities where one would expect to be mingling with people who have come from abroad and from all corners of this country. Particularly as the trains to London & Windsor pick up at Gatwick and get very crowded. And then, of course, it's Cheltenham next week (if it goes ahead).

My first thoughts were that, perhaps, I should avoid all these places and stay within the safety of Bunter Court but then I thought that I am probably due to die in the next three and a half years anyway (when I reach my allotted three score years and ten) and this is probably going to be not so long drawn-out and a, hopefully, less painful way of doing so than many of the alternatives so I've decided to carry on while I can.

It's my great-niece and great-nephew, aged 7 and 4 respectively, and those family members immediately responsible for their on-going care, that I am more concerned about.

I saw a woman in Primark in a face mask, although I'm not sure that was to do with the Coronavirus.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 3rd March 2020, 4:16 PM

I am probably due to die in the next three and a half years anyway (when I reach my allotted three score years and ten)

According to statistics, if you're 66 years old now you'll probably live to be 85.

Something to think about the next time you're considering an outing to a packed theatre! Huh?

I'm not sure that the idea of a painless coronavirus death is correct.

Apparently it is like drowning.

But they haven't got a clue to be frank. Last week schools were closed down. Now all people under 20 are apparently virtually fear free. One of only two previous bits of advice was not to shake hands. Now the one thing that the Prime Minister is clear on himself is that he has been shaking many a hand and with people who have the virus. The most charitable thing to say about that one is that at least Bozo didn't go down the John Selwyn Gummer route of having his kids eating the beef burger so to speak. Maybe he acquired Mad Cow Disease at the time and has never recovered. Talking of burgers, I wouldn't be going to McDonalds style places. You have to stick your hands around your face to eat all stuff that doesn't come with a knife and fork. It's basically the end of fast food. Sandwiches, crisps, tofu chunks, the lot.

Nor has it ever been right to bin used tissues. That's a modern medics' nonsense that has made me angry for years. It turns every office, train etc into a community of the germ ridden and certainly not in any Yakult way. You can almost see the rapid breeding. So the Government should be banning paper tissues and insisting on everyone using a cotton or linen handkerchief. One which is kept in an individual's pocket so the residue of snot stays purely on them in their clothing.

When they get back to their washing machine they should then stick the hankie and their clothes in it. Washing powder kills coronavirus. Fact. Additionally, make everyone wear gloves. Introduce a law to make not wearing gloves punishable by five years in prison. I just went into the local shop and in order to do so discovered that its door handle is made of metal. The virus sticks to metal for 12 hours. That's the longest time. On fabric it is seven hours and on other surfaces - well, surprise, surprise, they don't know.. There is, of course, a metal handle on and in most of the public conveniences too.

It's bloody marvellous this, ain't it. The rain has barely gone, we've got a likely peak of virus on the longest day of the year and then 2-3 months of it subsiding. Consequently, that knocks the entire summer out for doing anything unless the temperature is over 27 degrees Celsius. 27 degrees plus and the virus is dead, according to the UK experts. Yeah, right. Like Iran is currently experiencing a Nordic winter. As I said at the outset, (and Gove was right here), they haven't a clue.

Quote: Wishus @ 3rd March 2020, 2:29 PM

I'm just panicking about the panicking. People staying indoors, not coming to gigs etc.

You think you've got problems?

Imagine how Phil Wang feels! Laughing out loud

PS. Other comedians of Chinese heritage are available.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 3rd March 2020, 4:47 PM

According to statistics, if you're 66 years old now you'll probably live to be 85.

As I say, this way it will be not so long drawn-out...

Being celibate, unemployed, totally anti-social and virtually immobile - if only everyone else just followed my high principle.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 3rd March 2020, 4:47 PM

The virus sticks to metal for 12 hours. That's the longest time.

That's incorrect. It can live for several days on surfaces.

https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/q-a-coronaviruses

Quote: Rood Eye @ 3rd March 2020, 4:59 PM

You think you've got problems?

Imagine how Phil Wang feels! Laughing out loud

PS. Other comedians of Chinese heritage are available.

His Parents are Malaysian and he's from Stoke-on-Trent, otherwise you've nailed it.

Quote: Firkin @ 3rd March 2020, 6:22 PM

His Parents are Malaysian.

No, they're not.

His mother's English.

That aside, his dad is Chinese-Malaysian and Phil describes himself as "half Chinese, half normal".

Not so long ago, the organisation Chinese Arts Now put on a special one-off show in London to celebrate Chinese culture in which four comedians described as being "of Chinese heritage" strutted their stuff upon the stage. The headliner was Phil Wang.

So I think I did pretty much nail it.

I thank you. Laughing out loud

I saw what you did there Rood. Good point well made.