Tell us a joke Page 224

I used to hate work, but now I'm an astronomer, and my job is looking up.

Which foods always get lost? Find-us.

If I parody sheep genitalia, is it lamb-poon?

My wife said, You're superficial. I said, Don't take that any further.

The most racist students are archaeologists. Always having a dig at someplace.

I asked Tarzan, What's the most common conjunction ever? He said, ororororrrrrrrorororororrrrrrrrrr.
I asked Tarzan, Who's your favourite super hero ever? He said, Thororororrrrrrrorororororrrrrrrrrr.
I asked Tarzan, What's the biggest pile of shit ever? He said, One Direction.

I gave a prostitute a 100-pound note. She says, Have you got anything smaller? I said, I told you before.

My dad ejaculates on my shoulders, but I've learnt to shrug it off.

I have the identity of the biggest slapper in London, but I must be discreet. Mum's the word.

What's the difference between a bike and Geri Halliwell? One is perfect fror riding, with a couple of firm handrests and an attractive seat... and the other... is Geri Halliwell.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 11th January 2014, 5:44 PM GMT
My father was a failed epileptic. No great shakes.

I am stealing that!

Good news, my dad's one of the movers and shakers. Bad news, he's epileptic.

What's fat, likes the Spice Girls and can't be arsed any more?

I bought the wife a clock for her birthday. Well, theres no present like the time.........

For my birthday, my wife said I can have one gift and one glass of wine. So I asked for a 87423378-litre glass.