The BCG bring and buy thread Page 2

Yes please.

FOR SALE

Next prime minister of The UK. Willing to say or do anything for the right consideration. Has many scruples - available individually or as a job lot if the price is right.

Pigs head for sale. Would suit a PM that made a pig's ear of things.

Katie Price's front bottom. Used every day.
Resembles a trampled bat but still functional.
Free to anyone

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 10th July 2019, 4:53 PM

Katie Price's front bottom. Used every day.
Resembles a trampled bat but still functional.
Free to anyone

Barge pole I wouldn't touch it with

FOR SALE any reasonable offer

One Australian openers' cricket bat, hardly used. No longer required.

I've examined it, not for me, too many tear stains.

For sale

Image

'Love eggs' One pair 'slightly used'. Might need a rinse.

Russian Language Guide Book on Salisbury Cathedral for sale. Still in shrink wrap. May swap for innocent Russian prisoners, unfairly captured by lone foolish imperialistic, vulnerable, populist government ! Collection only.

Two tickets for the Ashes test match.
Bought in error.
Buyer collects.
Bellmarsh prison, ask for Tommy

Blue Peter has a lot to answer for.

Not only did my dough pizza put three people in hospital but I jumped out of a parachute at age four with no health and safety and had to be retrieved from a Special Assignment in the Balearic Islands. Luckily, most of it was stamps for the underprivileged all around my bath like a more vibrant version of the Saturn like bath ring caused by, well, dirt. There would be John Peel's "Perfumed Garden" on the transistor radio during ablutions. For 15 years, I thought that circumcision meant the gradual peeling of the king of the Maldives from a corner cut on an envelope used by my Auntie Lil.

Then, of course, there was the buried treasure. I too stuck a vault in below the peonies to be discovered in 2025 by robots from space. Recently I dug it up. Most of it turns out to be bring and buy. A Brentford Nylons sheet over which I had sprayed dream drops. A hairnet worn by Ena Sharples. A retracting snail. A pipe smoked through beer and sandwiches by a well known trade union leader who turned out to be polyamourous although that was denied. And a couple of photos of when I bit through a thermometer and swallowed mercury and made a 600 feet tapestry in honour of Rowland Hill.

So, yep, Minnie Caldwell, you can have all those at your fete although at my local fete I am on the fringes with a new popular idea every year. 2017 - that was my tattoo parlour year when the only tattoo on offer was one of an octopus made of genuine octopus ink. 2018 - that was the ecumenical project in which I brought Jews, Muslims and Christians together in a spirit of harmony through commitments to contrast and compare and on the part of the God lovers an immediate consent to certain specific intimate operations. 2019 - this will be my No Parachute Orgy Tent sponsored by chefs Pablo and Gino. It will provide with artificial intelligence a unique experience of herbalised psychedelic colour while advancing labour rights in northern tongue and addressing key poisoning issues in gastropods. Plus it will be all nudey.

Go on then how much?

I'm interested too.

One penny black, one Maldivian half crown and a couple of greenbacks. A deutsch mark, two old francs in reasonably good condition and five bob-a-job. Ten brownie, twenty nuggets and thirty squids, A Lady Godiva, forty-two nicker and eighty-four thruppenny bits.

I've only got bitcoins on me - i'll try and find an exchange rate for your required shrapnel...