Local Radio Reporter

WALLY::
I'm Wally Loach with the Happy FM roadshow coming to you live from Sureham Town centre. Can you give me 'Watcha Wally'?

CROWD:
Piss poor response
'Watcha Wally'

WALLY:
Up beat
And on stage with me now I have Mr Robby Roberts the regional director for Greggs, lets give it up for Robby Roberts

CROWD:
Muted clapping

WALLY:
Now Robby tell us why you are here today, ...as if we didn't know

ROBBY:
Well Wally I'm here today to officially open the only two story Greggs in Western Europe

WALLY
And what a Gregg's it is. I never seen crowds like it and we've even got young Tanya inside now on the new second floor, with a live mic.

TANYA:
Hello Robby well I'm up here on the second floor and the place is packed to the rafters with customers either buying 24 sausage rolls for the price of 6 or queuing for the cafe area and I've been told that the queue started last night right after the local bingo closed.

WALLY:
That's amazing Tanya, I can tell you that outside where I am is also ram packed with potential customers, which is surprising as its the middle of the working day?

TANYA:
Wally I have with me six people who slept outside the store in a people carrier in order to be the first ever customers in the cafe area. And you are?

JOAN::
Joan

TANYA
Joan you and your friends actually slept outside in a people carrier to be first in, that's amazing. But I bet it was uncomfortable?

JOAN:
It certainly was and at one point I had to piss in a bottle......

TANYA:
Quickly interjects
And this is errr Kevin it was his people carrier that the gang slept., Kevin what does it feel like to be one of the first ever customers.

KEVIN:
To be honest we thought the first ones would be free , but that fat bitch on the f**king till said we.......

TANYA:
Rapid Interjection phoney upbeat

Wally is it still as mad outside as it is up here?

WALLY:
You in the pyjamas for the last time get off the stage, we're not giving samples out I don't know who said we were?

TANYA:
Wally can you hear me

KEVIN:
Loud
There'l be none of this shit once we get Brexit, and that fat cow will be the first on the boats

TANYA:
Wally can you hear me?

WALLY:
You shouldn't be smoking that anyway for a start and that dog should be muzzled ....

TANYA:
Desperate
Wally Wally can you hear me?

KEVIN:
Once we get our sovereignty back we won't have to put up with the likes of these c**ts

WALLY:
They've took my Iphone, They've took my Iphone

Record starts playing
Louis Armstrong
Wonderful World

The end

I saw this in my minds eye as a manic cartoon

Flook the sad thing is that no one believes in reality any more, all we are being dished up with is stuff designed to help us fuse into toffee coloured heterosexuals with a girl a boy and a mortgage and with not a problem in the f**king world apart from the vicar coming through the French windows for a Latte at the most inconvenient time ever.

Is This a subset of the Fake news meme.

I have to admit something stinks in Stepford.

Are Glory days about to end.

I must say I fear the ducking stool.

Got this nagging feeling history will repeat

Fear the walking dead

Tell you what Id like to do but is beyond my scripting abilities ( as well as intelligence ) is a decent spoof of question time

That would be hard as the real one is so surreal anyway Flook and its getting to be impossible to embarrass a politician. There was a time when we had Real Tories. Oh yes the robbed you blind and would bring back whipping in the workplace.
But at least when they got caught they went home and closed the study doors and there was bang followed by a dull thud and then the butler rang the coroner.
These days they get caught on a daily basis and they don't even bother to blush.

|is that down to public apathy and indifference or perhaps the absence of effectually accountability.
I do lament the passing of old school honour and decency.
Celebrity culture/blagging, brazenness and gain say boastfulness force fed down the gizzard is like the way of we live now. Everybody feels the way to salvation is envy and F**k you money

The system has rewarded Cynical unprincipled career tossers to lead us. - F**ks sake...dont get me started..