There once was a guy called shaggy
Whose shorts were loose and baggy
When rubbing his rocket
Through a hole in his pocket
His eyes crossed and went all zigzaggy

There once was a guy called Will Cam
With a special ingredient for jam
He whipped up his man goo
Before following through
All served on the side with roast lamb

That fellow called Pete Brouhaha
At limericks he was no star
Preferring to perve
The girls he'd unnerve
Til the police took him off in their car

Juan Kerr was a man with much front
Not many could pull of this stunt
When approaching the lasses
He'd put on his glasses
and ask to look at their new fingernails

There was a young girl from Sydney
Who could take it as far as the kidney
A young man from the West
Stuck it up to her breast
He had a biggun, didn't he

That chappie we know - Stephen Birch
For very young men he would search
He liked his boys young
And very well hung
That's why he's a priest in a church

necrophilia is all a bit wrong
when your lover is not yet gone
knock 'em on the head
and when they're dead
f**k 'em before they pong

the blonde comedienne at the edinburgh fringe
thought it would be funny to show off her minge
the thing about this gag is
flashing the hairs on her haggis
showed she was naturally ginge

there once was a footballer from st ives
who went on to marry eight wives
one for each day of the week
and at times of blood leak
a sub for in the box dives

There once was a poster called Herc
Who decided to buy himself a Merc
He smashed it to bits
While ogling some tits
But you should have seen his smirk.

There was a young lady called Zoo
Who was known on the forum by a few
They said her twat
Was as big as your hat
She'll ban me for this, boo hoo

Stephen sailing close to the wind ther............. , and when Clare Balding spoke of her "wife" >_< on Who Do You Think You Are? on'telly last week and now Tom Daley saying he can relax by going on honeymoon with his "husband" >_<>_<>_<, I am reminded of the limerick Derek Nimmo came out with on Just a Minute a few years back..................

There was an old poof of Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They lay on the bed
And one of them said
Who does what, with what and to whom.

There was a sausage called Tucker
Who dreamed of being called Drucker
It changed its name
But it was all in vain
Because the next day I ate the f**ker

A lad from oop north called Steve
Well, his post you'd hardly believe
He spoke of zooo's bits
(Excluding her tits)
Will the mods. now ask him to leave?

Not really a limerick; but I didn't know where else to put it, as the actress said to the bishop :-

I wish I was a diamond ring, upon girlfriend's hand,
Then as she wiped her arse each time,
I'd see the promised land.

There once was a man from Brazil,
who got his tongue stuck in a piercing.
The firemen pull quite hard to release him. Now he speaks like 'dizz'.

Damn... I can't write a Limerick...