Well done Eustace and particularly Ponderer. I respectfully pass the crown to a worthy winner. Can the sketches be seen anywhere?

Hi Michael,

Thanks! There's no physical manifestation of mine just yet, but here is the script:

A SMARTLY DRESSED MAN (LAWYER #1) WALKS PURPOSFULLY ONTO THE STAGE, HE SPEAKS QUICKLY AND CONFIDENTLY AS IF TO CAMERA; LIKE THE PEOPLE IN THE AMBULANCE CHASER ADS.

LAWYER#1: Have you or a loved one suffered a time travel related accident?

AS HE SPEAKS A SMARTLY DRESSED WOMAN (LAWYER #2) ENTERS FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE WALKING AND TALKING IN SIMILAR FASHION TO THE MAN CROSSING HIS PATH AS SHE DOES SO.

LAWYER#2: Or will you suffer one in the future?

AS SHE SPEAKS A THIRD PERSON (LAWYER #3, SEX IMMATERIAL) ENTERS AS PER LAWYER#2. THEY CONTINUE CRISS-CROSSING EACH OTHER AS THEY TAKE OVER THE NARRATIVE FROM EACH OTHER.

LAWYER#3: If so, 'Time-Travel Lawyers 4U' are here to help.

LAWYER#1: Or will be here.

LAWYER#2: Or will have been here.

LAWYER#3: Bob Ramsey accidentally killed his grandma while on a routine time travelling trip and consequently ceased to exist. 'Time-Travel Lawyers 4U' won him £250,000 in compensation!

LAWYER#1: Although, admittedly, we didn't know where to send it.

LAWYER#2: Jane Barrowclough found herself stranded in 1986 and suffered massive hair inflation, shoulder-pad induced neck trauma and galloping Kajagoogoo.

LAWYER#3: Due to an incompetently designed legal strategy 'Time-Travel Lawyers for You' won only £500 in compensation.

LAWYER#1: But we went back to 1846 and gave it to her great-great grandfather, and now she owns the moon!

LAWYER#2: So if you or a loved one have suffered temporal displacement or a total loss of existence 'Time-Travel Lawyers for You' may be able to help.

LAWYER#3: May be helping.

LAWYER#1: May have already helped.

LAWYER#2: Trevor Tulip's DNA accidentally became spliced to that of a fly while using his employer's time travel machine.

LAWYER#3: 'Time-Travel Lawyers 4U' won him a lifetime's supply of jam and an enormous window to bash against all day.

LAWYER#3: And don't forget, with Time-Travel Lawyers 4U it's 'No win-No fee'.

LAWYER#1: Because none of this will ever happen.

LAWYER#2: Will already have never happened.

LAWYER#1: What? That doesn't make sense!

LAWYER#2: Will not make sense.

LAWYER#3: Has already not made sense.

LAWYER#1: Shut up! Just do the tag line.

ALL: (CHORUSING LOUDLY) 'Time-Travel Lawyers 4U' getting you the compensation you deserve.

LAWYER#1: Deserved.

LAWYER#2: Will deserve.

ALL: (CHORUSING LOUDLY) Call, (BEAT) well, anytime really.

LAWYER#3: Literally. (BEAT) Any. Time.

<END>

Puts on tin hat and awaits the response.

G