Hey there, I am 16 and I kinda wanted to try being a standup comedian. So, to try for the first time, I decided to do some standup in my prom. I customised my script to teenagers, so expect some crude humour here. Do give opinions asap as I have my prom today 
There are some inside jokes here, like I broke my leg jumping over hurdles and screwed up my leg again later, and there was this guy who shaved his eyebrow from being drunk, just informing you, the script is below -
I know what you guys must be thinking, "Why the fk is he here, hasn't he screwed up a lot already?", Well I'm back.
My dad thinks he is an absolute joker. Before going for prom, he wanted to wish me good luck for the act, so he said "Son, break a leg", I say that's not funny at all and he just made it worse by saying "I hope you jump over all the hurdles of prom", I said "shut up Dad" to him.
Over the last two or so years, I think I am becoming absolutely stunning, seriously, physically and mentally. The weird thing is that I seem to be attracting more guys than girls. Like so far, I have only seen guys trying to get closer to me and not girls. Seriously, only guys have asked me how big my thing is. I'm not saying that I'm homophobic, I would be very happy in this situation if I was a gay person, but I am not. I want to be a chick magnet not a gay magnet.
The other day, I went to Cex to sell my 6 year old Macbook. Its in Marlands (edgiest mall in Southampton) and my mum called, asking where I was. Not knowing how to pronounce it, I said I was in "sex". Being an Asian, she got absolutely shocked and I had to convince her that I was not having sex, and in the end she hung up on me, as she got pissed off. To be honest, I want to work in Cex as I can tell others on the road that Im a cex worker, and people will give me some edgy looks, and try to save myself by saying, no, I don't get HIV AIDs but I get DDR3 RAMs.
There are a few things that I noticed, like how you can do weird stuff as a kid and people find you cute, whereas if you grow up and do the same things, people just find you weird and annoying. Basically, I went through the same stuff. I went to Spain on a tour during the Easter and it was absolutely amazing, met a lot of people. In one of the hotels there was a rotary door. The norm is you go round half a round and go inside but I like going around it so I went around it twice. In those few seconds, people in the lobby were staring at me as if I was crazy and some were laughing. Two gals from the same touring group even told my parents about it next to the rooms and they pretty much said, "Yeah, that sounds like our idiot son". The good thing is, the next day, a 13 year old girl form another family in the group joined me when I did the extra round. I guess I pulled it there.
I really think that my mum has an interesting character. She swears a lot in Telugu, a language that I speak with my parents, and trust me, I can write like a 3 pages list of all the swear words I know in that language. She swears things like "Son of a cnt" etc. The real irony is where she swears 24/7, and she tells me not to follow her, as she is a bad influence. She doesn't know much English and few days back, she encountered the word "Fk". I told her it was a swear word in English, when she asked me the meaning of it. Then, yesterday, she was trying to use it. The main door of our house is screwed up, so she tried a lot to open it, and she comes to me and says, "The door is total fk". I said, "Great mum, great try, but its fked up". She couldn't understand it, and she says "It's the present tense so it should be fk, and the door isn't going up or down?!"
Being an Asian, I grew up in a slightly sexually repressed family. My mum can't stand watching people making out or being naked on TV. Once, I was watching this Spanish TV show on Netflix (cos im keen) and things were getting kinky and steamy on the show. I had my volume high, as I wanted to understand what they were saying and obviously, there was this sound and I can still remember the way my mum looked at me. She looked like she was about to kill me literally the next second. I tried to convince her that its fine, as I am 16 and not 6, but she doesn't listen.
As you might have known, being a teenager is hard, as there can be many temptations, like alcohol. People are already drinking and becoming drunk and shaving their eyebrows. Like I have nothing against it, shaving eyebrows should be like the new fashion statement, I think I will try it the next time I become drunk. So recently, I tried alcohol for the first time in the form of a tiramisu. I was so excited to eat it and to lose my alcohol virginity. As soon as I put it on the plate, I could smell its booziness and it was fantastic. I ate it, it was absolutely lush and went to do work. However, after an hour later, I started to get really bad headaches. I literally thought I got drunk and looked up online, if you could get drunk from a tiramisu. I didn't get the answer but all I got was 12 month pregnant women (3 from being fat and 9 from actually having a baby) worried about their accidental consumption of alcohol. The good thing is it got better and later had more tiramisu.
A lot of things have happened in this school, even a few embarrassing moments, well a lot, for me. Like, I fell when I was doing hurdles, fell again when I was running and doing Frisbee, and fell yet again, but for a girl. What do they all share in common? All ended in failure and embarrassment, but the third one was pretty worth it.
Thanks a lot for listening, hope you have a good time later on.
Thats the script, thanks for reading and do post your opinions below!
