i was accused on a local fb group of being a non pc sexist - ater our iceland game someone said we should have played our womens team . all I said was 'we did' . wow did 1 woman hate that. this was my response to their pc ridiculousness ...
The only way is wessex.
The trial.
Judge ; " Steven Larnder, you are accused of being a non-pc miscreant, how do you plead? "
Me ; " not guilty m'lord "
Prosecution " objection.!! He is being sexist once again as m'lord implies the judge is male! The correct term is your honour, which is non gender specific! "
J ; " stop being so petty. And I am a lord, so he can call me whatever he pleases. Now Mr Larnder, what is your defence? "
S ; " well your honour, I am not a sexist, racist, ageist, or any other type of ist. apart from when drunk. True, I may be the black sheep of the Sherborne family but..
P ; " objection! He is using a derogatory phrase, black sheep is non pc, it's actually an ovis Aries of dark wooled ancestry! "
S ; " oh my apologies to any sheep in the courtroom! anyway, I am not guilty of Any of the charges. I would happily take my accusers out for an Indian meal to show there are no hard feelings "
P ; " objection!! The phrase Indian food is offensive. The correct thing to say is food of hindi or Buddhist type religions that is eaten mainly with fingers and served with ethnic flat breads and regional rice and curry dishes. How dare he!! "
J ; " whatever. Carry on Mr Larnder ".
S ; " thank you. Can I also say many older folk also enjoy. ... "
P " objection!! You can't say older folk!! It's persons of a mature age or those eligible for government senior citizen payments!! "
S ; " oh sorry, what about the cats they have? "
P ; " they are now known as feline companions of an independent nature. "
S ; " I see . And their doggies? "
P ; " doggies is highly offensive to those of a canine breed. It implies unwarranted familiarity to those poor creatures who can only communicate by Barking, tail wagging and drooling!! "
S ; " oh come on, if you ask anyone in cheap Street... "
P ; " objection!! Cheap Street should no longer be called cheap Street as nothing on cheap Street is cheap. Nor has it been for the past fourty years!! "
J ; " I will actually uphold that one! Please continue.. "
S: " thank you, to be honest I think they are making a mountain out of a molehill...."
P ; " objection!! It is physically impossible to make a mountain out of a molehill and as such is inadmissible as a statement of fact . Only God - or Allah, to our friends who follow the path of Islam - is capable of such a feat!! do you consider yourself a God Mr Larnder?? Do you?? "
S ; " don't be ridiculous!! Tho my beard is showing little white flecks of white in it.. But tbh honest this exchange is going back and forth like a game of British bulldog... "
P ; " double objection!!! First of all, our friends at health and safety have banned British bulldog from schools as it is now classed as an extreme and violent sport - as is conkers and hop scotch - and secondly, the British bulldog is the emblem of the bnp!! So you are saying you are a racist bigot, is that correct Mr Larnder?? "
S ; " what?? No, all I said was..."
P ; " objection!! By saying " I said " he is inferring he can only communicate verbally - and as such is excluding deaf people under eu legislation, article 143, sub section d!! "
J ; " sorry, but I don't see..."
P ; " now the judge is doing it!! by saying " I don't see " you are implying that you are blind when I know for a fact that you are not!! Oh what a terrible world we live in!! Everyone is so thoughtless and cruel and inconsiderate!!
Judge ; " case dismissed thru lack of evidence. And the fact I believe the prosecution is suffering from pmt!! "
S ; " boy, am I glad you said that and not me "
End