Just heard Mr Finnemore taking the piss out of a certain ad campaign that, I must admit, drives me potty as well. So, here was my take on it, some monmths ago.

1: And then, we get all these people - the photographers who spend a long time calming a cat, the playgroup workers with the plasticene in their hair - and we give them an exceptional rate of interest.

2: We give them extra.

1: We give them extra, exactly. Because they've given extra themselves.

2: But not to us.

1: No, obviously not to us.

2: I'd rather they gave it to us.

1: They give it to the toddlers and the people at the tea rooms, and all that. I did go over it at some length.

2: You did, yes, Jeff. But, despite the 2 hours of examples, I remain unsure why working noticeably hard as an exhaust-fitter means you should get preferential interest rates.

1: Because...because of the extra. Remember the woman photographing the cat?

2: Of course I do! That bit took 20 minutes. But, if anything, that's her own fault for attracting a difficult customer base, one primarily consisting of people who want their pets filmed in period costume. She should branch out into new markets.

1: Well, if we gave her a cheap loan, she maybe could.

2: And what about those photographers who already had the foresight to focus their business on lucrative subjects? Like weddings and nudity and pizza cheese being pulled slowly apart? They've worked hard too.

1: Yeah, but not in the same way. It counts more if you get wet or tired or covered in-

2: [Joining in] Plasticene, yes; I recall that plasticene was a cornerstone of your argument. What you're saying, Jeff, is that, our bank should be a meritocracy. We should practice meritocractic banking.

1: Basically, yes.

2: And that's where you're dead wrong. Banking is the exact opposite of a meritocracy. The more money you give us, the better deal we give you, it really is that simple - we don't care where the money came from, or how hard it was to get.

1: But, that's not really fair.

2: At least it's logical. At least with the traditional method you know beforehand whether you'll get a loan, you don't need to use a complex cat-hours algorithm.

1: Yeah, I suppose. [Pause] I did have this other idea.

2: Is it the one about the skin irritants pumped out of the cash points again?

1: Erm, might be.

2: No way! What sort of slogan is "we give you eczema"?