Thanks Dtmcc .
I got the kosher reference

Cameron isn't Jewish though.

Nothing for me this week. Was pretty happy with the following ones so any feedback would be greatly appreciated:

1) Volkswagen's fine could be the highest penalty that the Germans have faced since Chris Waddle's in Italia 90.

2) The owners of the cereal cafe have described the moment they were attacked by anti-gentrification protesters. Apparently, it wasn't just the milk that turned brown.

3) Scientists say lung cancer may be caused by people's genes which is great news for smokers that don't wear denim.

1) Do I think cafes selling cereal are bad for local communities? Nah, they're grrrrrrrrrrreat!

2) I'm all for the Robin Hood tax. It's about time people using a bow and arrow paid their fair share.

3) I saw the Blood Moon. It was right in the middle of a Venn Diagram labelled 'Michael Howard's favourite things'.

1 & 2 very nice indeed.

I don't believe this! For the first time ever, I've had absolutely all of my submissions rejected. Admittedly, this is also the first time ever that I've actually submitted anything... but still.

Could you lovely people please rip my efforts to shreds and put me on the track towards fame and excessive fortune? Thanks.

BREAKING NEWS:

1) The Pope held a large mass in Philadelphia to mark the end of his US visit. The large mass was later released, once he'd agreed to cut down on his cheese intake.

2) Video game actors warned that calling off strike action could render them, in-console-able.

3) In the seaside town of Littlehampton, fears that high tides will lead to flooding have forced the Environment Agency to cancel the opening ceremony for a £20m flood defence scheme. The agency has denied claims of being a bunch of useless Cnuts.

VIEWJACK:

1) I hear The British Museum is going to appoint a German as their new Director. I guess it's because the Germans also have a great record of hoarding stolen treasures?

2) Facebook is off-line for few minutes and the entire world goes in to meltdown. The last time I heard so much moaning after something on the internet went down; I had to delete my browser history.

3) Apparently, Catalonia has voted to split. Well, I suppose they haven't really done that much since, "Road Rage".

I tried these this week

breaking news

Water discover on Mars :
1. Discovery of flowing water in rocky expanse leads to speculation there may once have been intelligent life in the Palace of Westminster.

Red Moon & popularity of Jeremy Corbyn :
2. Appearance of red luminary prompts David Cameron to predict doomsday.

Jeremy Corbyn on Trident
3. Jeremy Corbyn criticised by ex-wives over hestitance to produce his trident.

VIEWJACK:

Red Moon:
1. A good honest politican like Corbyn only comes around once in a red moon.

Corbyn says he loves this country:
2. I think it's great we have two opposition leaders who love this country, and country ham

Protestors attack cereal café :
3. Even if it did host cereal killers vigilantism is wrong, or have I confused something?

Glauber I liked 1 & 3 newsjack and 1 & 2 viewsjack

AdeO I liked 1 & 2 newsjack and #2 viewsjack

Quote: AdeO @ 1st October 2015, 11:08 PM BST

3) Apparently, Catalonia has voted to split. Well, I suppose they haven't really done that much since, "Road Rage".

View original

I liked this one.

Edward Snowdon sensationally revealed the NSA can remotely control our smartphones. The message continued "#he'slying' #nowecan't :-)

In sport England were looking for inspiration going into their crucial Rugby World Cup clash with Australia......Sadly the inspiration came from their footballing counterparts and they were eliminated in the group stages.