Quote: Nick81 @ 10th September 2015, 4:08 PM BSTI've been tracing my family tree at the library today.
They can f**k off if they think I'm paying their photocopying prices.
That's very good.
In a stand-up set, you'd have to pause for 30 seconds while the brighter audience-members explained it to the others.
Got a job sending out parasites by mail order.
Ticks all the boxes.
Quote: AndyGilder @ 10th September 2015, 5:06 PM BSTGot a job sending out parasites by mail order.
Ticks all the boxes.
I've just are received an email confirming my prosthetic limb order -
Attachment to follow.
Quote: Nick81 @ 10th September 2015, 4:08 PM BSTI've been tracing my family tree at the library today.
They can f**k off if they think I'm paying their photocopying prices.
Big fan of that
My wife treads the red carpet. But only once a month.
This post is for campers and aquatic mammals, to all in tents and porpoises.
My wife menstruates twice and then complains. Red, red, whine.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 12th September 2015, 10:21 AM BSTMy wife menstruates twice and then complains. Red, red, whine.
That joke would work if you made it about UB40.
Why do Queens reign longer than Kings?
Because they sit on the throne more.
Quote: Nigel Kelly @ 12th September 2015, 12:57 PM BSTWhy do Queens reign longer than Kings?
Because they sit on the throne more.
"They spend more time on the throne" might be slicker.
I don't call myself a comedian mainly because they won't let me have 'a' as a first name.
Those clocks I ate are repeating on me, time after time.
They're it's we're
Quick get a doctor this woman a doctor her contractions are coming quickly
A friend is having an anatomy themed wedding. I'm the breast man.
The shoes I bought the other day bruised my feet. The shop suggested I put some padding into them - but that's adding in-soles to injury.
Quote: sootyj @ 13th September 2015, 2:10 PM BSTThey're it's we're
Quick get a doctor this woman a doctor her contractions are coming quickly
I'm hiring hospital attendants. Form an orderly queue.